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How to deal with my fiance and his response to my children

Often my fiance diciplines his son, and his son listens very well. He tells me to dicipline my children, and I am working hard at it, but some things I don't think that should be punished for. He gets upset with me if I point out things that he does that I don't agree with and he tells me constantly that my kid is manipulating me, and a liar, and controlling and it affects the other kids. I get defensive when he says these things as I feel like his son is the same way, if I give him examples he will say his son is not, or he is doing it because of my daugher and I let her get away with so much.

I love him, but I am scared this whole parenting thing is going to ruin us. He says he is just concerned for her behavior and wants her to have friends and good relationships. We do go to counsaling and we do communicate about this subject often with out the kids present.

I have been seeking advise and sometimes I feel like it is his way or no way, and I have voiced this to him and he says how do you figure we talk about it and we agree, a lot of times I agree becasue I feel like if the more the conversation goes on the more defensive I get.... I just see his kids doing the same thing mine do, but they are smart and don't do it in front of him like my kids do.

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lovemamma

Asked by lovemamma at 2:36 PM on May. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (86 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Your child, your decision on how to discipline her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Eek.. I would think that would be a deal breaker for me. Your Kids, Your Rules. I guess I was lucky in how my Step Dad handled us. He let my mom do it - period. Unless it was a destruction of his house or personal property, he'd stay out of it.. and we were horrible lol! I think if DH and I were to split, I would NEED it to be the same way. so sorry
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:38 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • This issue will definitely cause relationship problems for you.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 2:39 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • you have to fix that before you get married that would not be a good union between you or your childern that will always remain a issue if its not fixed
    asyazmom2003

    Answer by asyazmom2003 at 2:44 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I am thinking you are in a way better position to judge the actions of your child than he is. I'd come up on point in an instant if any one stood in front of me and called my son a lying manipulating controller. I don't think so. The basis for those accusations lies in intent. How old is your child? Sounds like your fiance is giving her an awful lot of credit.

    I don't like it. I don't like it at all.
    swizzleday

    Answer by swizzleday at 2:51 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • If you guys don't get on the same page the kids will take advantage of it as they get older, not to mention the resentment that will grow between yourselves.
    I would get this straightened out before you tie the knot
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 2:54 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Maybe it is time for a nanny cam so that he can see that his children are doing the same things, just not in front of him. And if your daughter's behavior is bothering him that much to the point where you are going to counseling, maybe there is some truth in what he is perceiving. I am not letting his kids off the hook, but maybe just maybe, you need to look at your parenting.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 2:59 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • What has been said in counciling? Try to follow the rules he or she has set down. Please get this worked out before you marry. I know from experience this does not get better sometimes. Good luck.
    irememberwhen59

    Answer by irememberwhen59 at 2:59 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • RUN!!!!!!! I am going through a divorce and that is the reason why. He thought he was a better parent and I sucked. It will get worse when you marry. Please save yourself the heartache and your kids emotional issues...
    dawny77

    Answer by dawny77 at 3:01 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • If counsiling isnt workingfor you all... and when you finish wasting money on it... then you will see that NO MATTER WHAT... as he is proving to you before, during and after counsiling HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE!!! He is who he is and in his mind HE IS RIGHT!!!!

    This if not already, will continue to be mental, emotional, abuse... His control over things, no matter what you think is going to get worse, then who suffers???? YOUR KIDS, and YOU!!!!
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 3:15 PM on May. 5, 2011

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