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3 Bumps

Disappointed

BirthMoms/FirstMoms/Natural Moms/Birthers (whatever you like to be called). There is all this talk bout how the Birthtmom is waiting and dying for the child to come back to them when they are adults and how every day they are suffering so much missing them. There are a lot of Birthmoms who simply went on with their lives and are happy their kid has a good life like they wanted.

What happens when these kids grow up and find out the Birthmoms weren’t pining away for them everyday and don’t want them back as their kids. Wont they be disappointed?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on May. 5, 2011 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Good question
    2ndtimewish

    Answer by 2ndtimewish at 12:34 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I have to disagree with this "There are a lot of Birthmoms who simply went on with their lives and are happy their kid has a good life like they wanted." or at least the gist of it. It implies that birth mothers that long for reunion and suffer the loss of their children wont be happy if their children had a good life, the opposite is true. Nothing is more devastating for a birth mother to find their child had a bad childhood, it's a massive slap in the face.


    Your question also implies that birth mothers who aren't suffering from their choice is likely to reject their adoptee child, also not true. Most birth mothers who reject their children do so out of shame and fear of people finding out that she did these terrible things. Not only getting knocked up "out of wedlock" as they say, but that they gave their own child away. I know a mother who is in a happy reunion, but still doesn't tell anyone she's a birth mother.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:54 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Theyll get over it like generations before them had to.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:11 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Maybe the mother has thought of the child some but is content and happy with the decision. I think thats ok and when the child finds her she may be happy to meet and know the child but not in a desperate "I want to be your mom and make up for lost time" kind of way. KWIM? She could be happy to know and learn about her child without feeling awful regret.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 3:12 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Yes they will be disappointed and probably hurt and angry. In fact there's an adoptee in the birthmothers group who has just been cruelly rejected by her birth mother and he's heart broken. It's important never to promise an adoptee that their bmom is longing for the day she gets in touch because it's not always true.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:47 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • It is really hard if your birthmom doesn't want to know you. It helps if you have good, loving adoptive parents.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I didn't mean that those who long for reunion didn't want their kids to have a good life. Sorry you took it that way. My point is that lots of moms aren't expecting or wanting this huge reunion when the child is an adult or whenever.

    Birthmoms on here have adoptees thinking everyone wants their kid back and some know they made the right decision.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:13 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • I dont see why it would matter to them. They have a loving family and that adoptive family is the only one they have ever known. I would think the BM would be just a person. Kind of like a 2nd cousin....you are technically related but dont actually have a relationship and attatchment.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 1:02 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • "Birthmoms on here have adoptees thinking everyone wants their kid back and some know they made the right decision." Again, even if they are happy in their decision, it has nothing to do with enjoying or wanting a reunion, anymore than Adoptees searching means that there is something wrong with their Adoption or Adoptive Parents. The two are not related. Before I reunited with my son I was very happy with my decision and thought it was the right one, but I was still very happy to have contact with my son and meet him. Why wouldn't I?


    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:07 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • If your point is that happy birth moms wont want reunion, I strongly disagree. But, if your point is that the birth moms on CM shouldn't be promising Adoptees on CM that their Bmoms can't wait for reunion and will automatically welcome them with open arms, I thoroughly agree with you. Sometimes Adoptees in loving reunions do the same thing. I've even PM'd moms about it and cautioned them about it. 

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:07 PM on May. 6, 2011