Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Name change

What if you met a white girl with the last name Echabarria?

Im having a hard time wanting to change my last name to his, that is clearly unfitting for me.

He says I'll get well taken care of by the government with aide and what-not.

I don't care about the financial aide, obviously it's not about that.

I read an article stating women with their original last name tend to be seen as more professional and may get paid more in the work place. Again, I do not care about the money.

I am not basing my decision off of this article, however I found it interesting.

I wanted to be a teacher and all the kids are calling me a name that does not even match who I am. You know how awkward that is for me?

I don't know if I should have the same last name as my kids. I want to keep my last name but that would be a disgrace to the family!
How weird would Randolph-Echabarria sound or Echabarria-Randolph. It's ridiculous!

i don't expect you to tell me what my last name should be, but when it comes to interracial problems like this one, you think I should take one for the team? I feel like it's a lot to ask, but of course that doesn't stop me from wanting to marry him.
Thanks for any thoughts on this

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on May. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • If I were you I think I'd marry him and not take his last name. I think if it doesn't fit you and you don't like it then that's just that! You can't change who you are but you can decide not to take the name! I'm sure your soon to be DH will understand.

    Answer by aishanabuaisha at 3:52 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • The only thing I can say is this if you don't want the last name would you want it for your children? I feel you should take it, but I think you have to do what is right for you and you alone.

    Answer by EJKZ at 3:54 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Keep your own name.

    Answer by meooma at 3:55 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • yes i would want his last name for my children but that would mean my kids and i would have different last names :(
    my SO takes it personally and since i changed my name in a previous marriage he thinks i should for him too

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:59 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • i really always loved the idea of having the same name as my husband. my situation is a little backwards from yours, but without a racial slant. i married into the smith family. so while your possible new name is very unique, mine is the same as (what seems like) everyone elses. i personally dont think anyone anywhere has room to judge your name, especially if you married into it. but it sounds like youre uncomfortable with the same and are trying to talk yourself into liking it. my advice is to talk it over with your man and get his take on it, but ultimately the decision is yours and no one elses.

    Answer by flamingomegs at 4:05 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • My best friend married a man who's last name is Butts (sounds just as it is spelled). She took it but often regrets it. I would have him take MY last name with that one

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:08 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • My SO will not stand for anything else because his mom changed his name from echa*arria to echabarria. he is the first in the family to carry this new name on, so its a BIG deal to keep that name


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:17 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • If it is very very important to your SO, that is a big factor. I actually didn't change my name the 1st time I married. 2nd time around I married a more old fashioned man who wanted me to change it so I did. However, all 3 names, my maiden name, 1st husbands name, and my husband's name are all very plain jane, standard English names. Here in Texas, lots of Anglo women have Hispanic names because so many people have married across ethnic lines. It really isn't a big deal.

    Answer by jmpj8107 at 4:34 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • There is NO REASON why a woman should have to deny her heritage and change her IDENTITY just because she's getting married!!!!


    Answer by MamaK88 at 1:13 PM on May. 6, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.