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Asked to host a gathering, but not an official member of

last fall i became a sub in a group that gets together once a month , i've tried to be gracious, giving and helped when asked to . i was recently asked to host for a member of the group(the member asked me) and graciously i agreed. i guess the problem i am having dealing with it is that a few of these women have spoken alot of empty words to me, example playing bridge, getting together etc, but there has never been any follow thru or even a mention of the bridge thing, i don't want to be pushy because i feel they should be the ones telling me about these things since they bring it up, usually the next thing i hear about it is they're playing and i find i haven't been included. honeslty, they leave me out of just about everything unless they need a sub. i'm felling more like a social outcast and insignificant unless my help is needed and then i feel like i'm invisible when the help isn't needed or the task is done. i am really trying to understand all of this and not jump to conclusions, at the same time was my being asked to host when normally they trade off just apity ask. any ideas or thoughts would be appreciated. i don't want to thin badly of some of these women when i should'nt.

Answer Question

Asked by tiredofclicks at 4:09 PM on May. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • My gut feeling is that if you do host the gathering, perhaps that is what is needed to essentially move you from "sub" to "group member." That's my take based on what you said. If you do host and then you still find yourself left out, I'd suggest dropping this group of "friends" and finding another.

    Answer by Whimsee at 4:26 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I think you've been a good sport, but this doesn't sound like a group I'd want to be a part of, even though a friend is involved. Is your friend going to try to have you officially join this group? Can you talk to your friend about how these others make you feel?

    Answer by jmpj8107 at 4:27 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • There are different levels of friendships, and we all have preferences. Some women like to have very real, close friendships, where they can be themselves and have a give and -take. Some women feel more comfortable in more distant, large group interactions, where it is more about activity then close friendship. They are so, so different . . .

    My guess is that you are wanting a little more connection than the surface that this group is offering. I might actually try to join a different group that is not pre-established . . .where everyone is a newbie. It sounds like the social structure of this one is set already, and I am not convinced that the structure changes. It doesn't have anything to do with you, it is a social status game.

    I am sorry that is happening. :( I don't like stuff like that.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 4:31 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • well you cannot be shy. i am in this class where everyone knows eachother from the semester before and i am the newby. I have tried my hardest to basicaly make myself known and be sure they know im capable of doing all the things they can do if not better. you have to be bold! demand what you need and want. sometimes this works, sometimes it doesnt, so if you find they still arent accepting you the way you are then maybe you should join another group. it happens. def try not to be hard on yourself or hard on them by saying "tired of clicks" just since one isnt working out. give them a chance and you never know, you may end up leader of the pack and love clicks after all. be strong and NEVER take anything personally. so next time they mention playing bridge, ask when and where then show up :)

    Answer by Liz4Life at 1:09 PM on May. 6, 2011

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