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5 Bumps

The child is always right method of child rearing

This is kind of a cross-over About Cafemom question, but it's definitely more of a debatable subject.

There are constantly people, generally speaking, younger moms, who post scolding, condescending rants in the About section, complaining about how people are mean to them or bashing them. Sometimes, you can go to the questions or group posts they're discussing, and there is legitimately someone being mean. Usually, though, you find someone who did nothing more than disagree with them. (and then there are ones who are just posting for drama and there isn't even a disagreement to be found, but that's a whole different issue)

Is this a direct result of that everyone gets a trophy, treat them like a friend not a child, never use the word "no" mentality? I'm not suggesting ALL mothers between ages 16 and 25 are like this, only observing that for the most part, those complaints come from that age group. It also just happens to be the generation in which this everyone wins, never say no attitude really took root. Point being, there seems to be a preponderance of people in that age group who absolutely cannot handle confrontation. It's so foreign to them that they interpret anyone who doesn't agree with them as being mean. Is it a coincidence, or is it related? And if it is, how are they raising their kids?

Answer Question

Asked by NotPanicking at 5:24 PM on May. 5, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 51 (421,174 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • I've never thought about it in just these terms before, but your theory makes a whole lot of sense to me. There is a certain segment of the population to which any kind of accountability is extremely foreign.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:27 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I don't know that it's a product of that style of child-rearing—it may just as easily be because they're so young.

    Answer by SWasson at 5:28 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • The child is always right method of child rearing ~

    otherwise known as "A recipe for disaster ...."

    Answer by tasches at 5:28 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I've noticed that tendency among my peers as well (I'm 27). When I was in college, I actually lost friends just because we didn't agree on an issue. I was really close with one girl for the entire first semester of college, then we had a single disagreement about halfway through the second semester and she was never my friend again because she didn't like my position. People today seem to take the perspective that if someone disagrees, they are being disrespectful.

    Someone actually said to my husband, "If you don't agree with me, you don't respect me." Where do you go from there? There's nowhere to go! You can't reason with someone like that. They're a permanent moron, and the world revolves around them.

    Answer by MariAnKenobi at 5:30 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I think it could be related in some cases. of course there are always exceptions.. but I think there is more to it. some might be defensive and feel like when someone disagrees, theyre basically telling the girl that they are wrong, and not simply just disagreeing. theyre probably defensive because they feel judged because mothers of that age get judged a lot, so theyre first instinct is to be defensive. But it makes a lot of sense to connect it to the 'everyone wins" generation. I'm part of that generation and I had my twins when I was 20, and I can definitely see where that whole concept of "everyone wins" has affected me personally. When someone disagrees with you or says youre wrong or something along those lines you feel like youre wrong, and youre not supposed to be wrong so you need to fix it, or defend it. plus its the age, some just aren't mature enough to accept different views.

    Answer by ElsaSalsaaa at 5:31 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • sometimes it's coincidence & sometimes it's related.

    I agree with Swasson too though. I think it's partly because they're young & just don't have enough experience dealing with adults in general & in conversing with them. When you're a teen, the smallest thing is such a big freaking deal....I think for some young takes longer to shake that dramatic habit than others (some never shake it) they're still learning how to deal with the real world. I think maturity has more to do with it than anything....

    Answer by samurai_chica at 5:33 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • i've had this discussion with various people concerning the current 'generation' of young parents, the age group you stated. it seems somewhere, at the beginnings of their childhood, if you played a team sport, winner or loser, you got a trophy. why? there are always winners and losers. what's the point of trying to win a baseball game if you know you're going to get rewarded with the coveted trophy no matter how lousy or lazy you played?? kwim?
    back in my day (donning my flowery old lady hat...), you played hard, gave it your all, and sometimes there was still a better baller. it made me want to practice more, better my game..try harder.
    i'm a softy when it comes to my kid, but he's learning sometimes its someone else's day to shine. there's the idea that 'my kid deserves the best'..maybe his 'best' should be a lesson learned, rather than a new toy.
    life isn't always fair, and parents who say it is, disservice their kid.

    Answer by dullscissors at 5:35 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • i like it blunt, argument or not, i don't care. Better to be truthful..
    And teaching my kids the same thing.. I might little to blunt.. (dilligas)

    Answer by steph_twins at 5:35 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • bumping!

    Answer by steph_twins at 5:36 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I agree---I have noticed that when I answer a question honestly,based on my own unique experience, so many young Moms accse me of being "mean". I mentioned that I was a product of a 1950's upbringing and that I didn't have sex as a teen or drink or take drugs and I was polite to teachers and adults as I was growing up. Then I said I raised my kids the same way. WELL....I got a response from someone who said that I was a terrivble person and that she felt sorry for my kids and that I was a terrible mother. WOW! I was stunned.
    Otherwise, I do think the younger moms will see how real life and rasing kids really is as they "grow up" LOL.

    Answer by minnesotanice at 5:54 PM on May. 5, 2011

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