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what can i do if i am having 2nd thoughts about keeping the baby that iam currently having

i am really thinking of putting my baby up for adoption

Answer Question

Asked by ladya320 at 9:31 PM on Dec. 4, 2008 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • If you are having 2nd thoughts there are many things you can do.
    You can look into adoption. There are many online sites that you can find about adoption. I would look into birthmother groups and organizations as they can give you the perspective you need.
    If you decide to make an adoption plan, you should research the adoption professional that you will go with (either an attorney or agency).
    You can also research it and not make a decision until after the baby is born. Many agencies have interim care that babies can go if you have not made your decision or you can take the baby home and try parenting.

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 9:38 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Really educate yourself about adoption (both by what is available through the adoption industry) AND by talking with people who have lived it. Don't just talk to one adoptive parent, birth parent, adoptee but talk to many. I would encourage you to talk with people who have experienced adoption in the last 2-4 years as well as speaking with triad members from adoption eras previously. There are a lot of triad groups online (here on Cafemom and others) where you have the ability to speak to people. PM me if you would like. I am both an adult adoptee (from the 1960's) and a birth mom (from the 1990's).

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 10:13 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

  • Do not underestimate the pain that mothers that relinquish their child go through. They DO NOT get over it, move one, and subsequent children DO NOT make up for the one they gave away. Be clear on this.

    Also babies are not blank slates at birth. The recognise their mothers and know them. Even though they may not remember losing their mothers they feel it. And they have issues about being given away at birth throughout their lives. Do extensive research on adoption, effects on birth mothers and effects on adoptees. Don't just trust what agencies have to say because they make their money on getting babies adopted even if they are non-profit.


    Answer by onethentwins at 3:36 AM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Seek out and listen to adoptees and birth mothers to see what their experiences are. And always remember, there is nothing written in stone that says you have to rush your decision and give your baby up at birth. You have as long as you want to decide on adoption, but once you've signed the papers you have no rights whatsoever. TAKE YOUR TIME!

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:36 AM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Read, and research, everything you can! There are a lot of moms on here that have a very negative opinion, because they have not had good experiences. And, there are moms on here who are extremely positive, both adoptive moms and birth moms.
    I have never found a place like cafemom, where there is so much information and opinions. It can be a little overwhelming, but read as much as you can and inform yourself.
    I have learned, from reading all these questions and answers, that you need to be really cautious when/if you talk to adoption agencies. Even though their intentions are good (hopefully), they still only make money if you relinquish your baby. They are going to tell you what you want to hear in order to get your baby. That might be a little harsh, but just be careful and realize that this is YOUR decision!!!
    I think that adoption is AMAZING, but only if it is truly in everyone's best interest!!!

    Answer by christyg at 12:41 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • you need to sit down and think about why you want the baby, who's idea was looking into adption, your age, your dreams, and your desires. and one of the biggest things is how are you going to give the baby the needs it requires. (formula, dipers, cloths ect...) baby are not cheep neither are dipers and they take a lot of time and attention. and that can last 18-20 something years (assuming they leave to go to collage or something) the conection lasts forever though. i know a girl that has children but was never really ready for them. she is not a bad mom, but some of her priorties are wrong.

    Answer by kikyu at 1:19 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • cont. i have a friend that is currently going threw a divorce, and has 2 children very close in age. and there driving her nuts. but she is in hot water........ being a single mom is hard so theres many things that you should think of before you decided one way or the other. one last thing dont let anyone pressure you into this. if you allow someone to pressure you and you chose one or the other u may regret which you chose. it has to be right to you and you have to be at peace with the choice.

    Answer by kikyu at 1:24 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Make sure that any agency or attorney you speak with is reputable. If they make you feel pressured or uncomfortable in any way, move on and find someone else. Don't take for granted that they have yours or your baby's best interest at heart, because there are many that don't. Before you make a final decision, make sure that you are deciding on adoption for the right reasons. There are many people here who can offer you their experiences, from birth and adoptive parents points of view. But remember, only you know your true situation and can decide what is right for you.

    Answer by adoptionsc at 6:24 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • I am an adoptive mom who has 4 wonderful kids. I am so thankful that my kids' moms asked the same questions and loved them enough to do what was best for them at that time. We have open adoptions for 3 of them (one is from out of the country), so their mother's were and are able to be part of their lives. There really are a lot of people who can lovingly help you with that kind of decision.
    If you want to, go to There is a woman there named Karla who has lived through both placing a baby for adoption and keeping a child when it seemed very scary. She is so good at helping women think through such difficult questions. If you have any trouble getting her, please feel free to contact me.

    Answer by TeaAnderson at 6:47 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • I have been involved in helping a few "moms" go through the adoption process--it isn't easy but it truly was the best choice for the child. My son-in-law was adopted as a child--he is so very glad his parents put him up for adoption--he has a very good family and loves the life he was raised with. I have a great nephew and niece who would have been better off adopted than being raised by the single parents they have....... I encourage any young woman who is not financially and emotionally ready to be a mom to seek out the adoption option. The child is not meant to be an emotional support for you but a little person that deserves the best possible chance at a good life. Try to concentrate not on the the next few years but on the next 10-15 and what would be best for the child.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

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