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2 Bumps

How do you deal with a workaholic? adult content

My SO has been working insane hours this week- even more so than his usual workaholic hours. I understand that he has a deadline for roll out on monday... then he'll be out of town for almost 2 weeks. This project has to be *perfect*. But I am so fucking sick of spending my evenings alone!

This job means everything to him, to us, to his career, to our future. But he's going to kill himself with the hours he keeps... If he isn't at the office, he is getting paged to fix something and has to work remotely... and, he decided to go back to school this year, so the past few months have been insane accommodating the excess workload for his classes. FRACK.

How do you deal with it?

I'm so pissed at his employer (He works for an Amazon company). I'm pissed that I can't ever make plans, if I do they get canceled or interrupted when his damned pager goes off... I know I have no right to be mad, this is HUGE for his career... but damn it.

Right about now, I just want to cry.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:17 PM on May. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Im sorry :( My boyfriend as well works SOOOO much! It makes me sad, he always works a couple hours late, and ends up working most weekends. He works for a small company, and his boss really takes advantage of him. It makes me sad, especially if he has to miss a fun day or something. But, I really just have to deal. We need the money, and I try to look at it positivity. I admire him for his hard work, and his dedication. I try be really supportive. :) Good luck, and im sure things will work out.
    Tarrar

    Answer by Tarrar at 7:24 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • banging head into wallWhen you find out please let me know. I see my SO maybe once a week. I thought for a minute we were talking about the same man lol if your DH is anything like my SO they seem to never answer their phone either !

    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 7:25 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • No, I couldn't live with that. For me, family time is too much of a priority to be sacrifice for financial success. I can see if a person is barely surviving and they have no choice, but I think too often we just want more of everything, and if we can work and make more money to have more of everything, then we do. If it were my DH, I would have to sit down with him and say, "This is not working for our family. I need X amount of time together, and I'm willing to cut back on our budget in order to have that. What do we need to do to work towards that?" And personally, I would not take no for an answer. Shoot, I never was a big respecter of careers! LOL! Good luck, mama. Just remember, when a person looks back on life, they never wish they had spent more hours in the office. What's most valuable is time spent with family.
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 7:29 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • We never talk on the phone unless it is an emergency. I txt him if I need something, but then I feel bad for bothering him. What he's been working on this week is tedious. It has to work PERFECTLY. I feel like a complete nag for wanting him to pay a little bit of attention to me.

    PMS, knowing that he'll be making a 12 day long trip next week, the stress from dealing with his finals, everything... man, it sucks. Some days, I just want to put the kids to bed and cry. Like today.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:30 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • I am the workaholic and I have to be because I am starting my own business.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:48 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • i am dealing with this with my husband. it got so bad that i was to the point of leaving. i was here taking care of 3 children completely by myself for days on end. it was crazy. i just got to the breaking point and told him he needs to get his priorities straight. i was prepared to move out and find an apartment if he decided working was more important than family. he saw that i was not bluffing and he did change. things are not perfect, but at least he is not working back to back 24 hour shifts, and staying late on 'regular' days. he has to turn down extra shifts he would have jumped on before, but he says that spending more time with the kids is worth it and he's happy to not be working so much anymore. i guess you will just have to hit rock bottom and then set him straight. i worked out a plan of where we would go, etc. etc. to show him i was serious and not just 'nagging'. gl
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:01 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • :( that totally sucks. well if this helps, my DAD is a workaholic and i have basically seen how my mom puts up with it all the time. she basically stayed home all of the time even when the kids grew up and are out of the house. shes kind of like a happy homey stay at home wife. you just gotta be happy at home and come with new things to do all the time. im sure a nght of party wouldnt be too much to ask after his long day. so during your day you can have something to look forward to also. Make the house look perfect and use the love you have for him to motivate you to the the best wife and or girlfriend and/or mother. My SO loves when i say Im going to be the best mother and wife it makes him happy :) HE's working for YOU! thats an important concept to think about. FAMILY. if you know hes a hard worker, then good you all can play hard and go on vacations to make up time. ive lived with it, i know!
    Liz4Life

    Answer by Liz4Life at 9:37 PM on May. 5, 2011

  • Remember that HE is not having any fun with this either. There is NOTHING worse than having to spend hours and hours drilling down on a problem with the pressure of making it right, knowing that your job could be on the line with it. Been there done that with my husband... but *I* have been the one stretching herself to the wire.

    Do try to walk a mile in his shoes. And sit and talk with him about whether this is the way you both want things to continue. Are you working yourself? Getting him to spend more time at home may require you getting a job or working more hours to balance your income with current obligations. Or it might require moving to reduce your cost of living. Are those things options? If not, then look at OTHER options... they're always out there. But make sure neither of you would be resentful of any sacrifices you have to make for more togetherness.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:33 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • gdiamante- I've been on his side of things before, I know it's not fun. It is exhausting. I understand both sides of it, I do everything within my power to alleviate stresses at home, and support his efforts.
    At the moment, and until this fall, I am stuck at home- this fall, I'll be able to work full time. But, that won't matter. This isn't an overtime issue, he's salaried. It is an advancement issue. Moving isn't an option, and we already live in one of the lowest COL areas in the nation.

    It just hurts, being here alone so much. I've walked in his shoes, neither side is fun. This week, he has not had one day that he was home before midnight... tonight will be no different, he has to work sunday as well. :(
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:50 PM on May. 6, 2011

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