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Turned off to sex with my husband.....??? adult content

the idea of having sex with my husband does absolutely nothing for me. he wanted to last night and i just told him how tired i was and not in the mood. of course he was upset but he has turned me down countless times and of course when he's not in the mood it's suppose to be all gravy! i guess im turned off because he's not a giver. he's very selfish and only cares about his own orgasm. we've only been married 2 years and this didn't start til about a year ago. he hasn't gone down on me since like the first week we got married. he has only gone long enough during sex to give me the big O once since our marriage. at first it was ok, but slowly it got old, and now to the point i don't even desire him. he expects me to blow him before sex everytime and then just lays on top of me before i'm even wet, god forbid he do something to get me going too. i know me being so turned off by him is a problem, but i don't know how to fix it. he just flat out refuses to be a better lover. and i think it is affecting us in other ways too, i find myself easily annoyed by him constantly and snap at him a lot.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on May. 6, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Communication!

    Answer by khf22 at 10:20 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • You have to tell him. Maybe he's being selfish and doesn't realize it? After I have had a few selfish partners I finally found a guy that is all about me, and in return, I am all about him. So the sex totally rocks. My man won't even blow his wad unless I have the big O first.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • That would be a big problem for me too. I would tell him that you aren't doing anything until he makes you WANT to.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:45 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • Bummer, have you talked to him?? My husband is the same way, he got very selfish, it was all about him for years and years and years. He always wanted me to get myself ready before sex, so the other night he said " go get your vibrator and do your thing first" and Iooked at him and said "Sure, atleast something around here can actually turn me on. Where would I be without it?" That apparently was a low blow to his self esteem so he whined for a while, but he got my point. I guess he thought he was just so sexy and good that I didnt need anythingelse other than to turn him on and have sex with him. HA!

    Answer by Auntiemom410 at 9:52 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • You need to talk to him. Tell him why you are always turning him down. You should also tell him that you will continue to turn him down until the sex stops being just about him. If he wants you to go down on him, he should do the same for you. Doesn't he WANT you to enjoy it? Does he know you don't?

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:08 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • Other problems in the marriage will always end up in the bedroom. If you are snapping at him, he may be "punishing" you by not going down on you! Just an idea. Try talking to him about it (when you are not in bed!) and see what he says. Guys generally have fragile egos so you have to be careful, use the "I feel" statements and no generalizations, and tell him how amazing it was before when he went down on you, you get the idea. Good luck!

    Answer by dwmom2008 at 10:18 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • have you told him that you don't want to have sex with him because he's a selfish love maker? You have to let him know....

    get a vibrator hun & bring it in the bedroom. Use your vibrator on your clitorus while you give him a blow will at least get your juices flowing....

    You can also use it during intercourse, but it works best if you're doggy style...that way its a lot easier to reach your special button. I know when my DH is tired & bust it out if we're doing a quickie.....that way i KNOW i'll get off & i don't have to rely on him. Not to mention it kind of turns him on that i am pleasing myself while i give him blow jobs....

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:21 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • mee tooo anon DH will now allow himself to orgasm unless i have had one first. But, we're so in tune with each other, that we almost ALWAYS orgasm at the same time....which is wonderful!

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:22 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • vibrators=bestfriend

    Answer by momma_amanda77 at 12:41 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • you being turned off is NOT what's wrong, it's him being selfish which makes you turned off that is wrong. have you talked to him about it? not so much in a blaming way, but more like "it's hurtful and feels like you don't care about me when you rarely reciprocate foreplay in the bedroom" or something like that. if it's been happening for a year or more, than that's tough- b/c by now he's taking it all more than for granted. i would try couples counseling. have you asked him to go down on you- what does he say? my SO used to ALWAYS do it, then after moving in together he completely stopped...after months and months of being annoyed about it, i finally said something and boom- it happens more. good luck though, that's definitely frustrating.

    Answer by lexi8622 at 12:42 PM on May. 6, 2011