Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

New neighbor...Should we be firends?

The house next door to us has been vacant for about a year but a few weeks ago we finally got a new neighbor.

I have a 4y DS and have been saying how nice it would be if our new neighbor had a little boy, and i got my wish. Our new neighbor is a newly divorced dad with 2 children, an 8 year old girl and a 4 year old boy. He has the kids Tue. & Thur. and every other weekend.

Here's the problem: When the kids are at his house they stay up until like midnight, even during the week. I think that's a sign of weirdness. I'm afraid that if we have significantly different ideas about parenting a friendship between our children could become problematic.

What do you think?

Our kids haven't played together quite yet but I'm guessing it will happen this weekend because this is the first time he's had them on a weekend since he moved in.

Answer Question

Asked by UpSheRises at 10:33 AM on May. 6, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 31 (48,798 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • Unless they are mean to your kids I dont see what kind of problem it will cause. Almost everyone has different ways or parenting. I am friends with alot of different people and unless they are abusive to their children or mean to my kids I dont let their parenting difference interfere with friendships the kids form.

    Answer by gemgem at 10:35 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • Why would they way he parents his children affect letting your kids play together? As long as the children are well behaved and respectful then I see no reason why your son can't play with them.

    Answer by coala at 10:35 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • I agree with gemgem, your kids are your business and his are his!

    Answer by MexTexmom2 at 10:36 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • You say he's newly divorced. It could be he's being a little permissive in the beginning to help the kids transition to a new way of life with mom & dad. Just because its something you wouldn't do, that doesn't make it weird. I would wait and see how everyone interacts with one another.

    Answer by hootie826 at 10:38 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • MY olest 13, and 15 stay up really late when they spend weekends with me. It has nothing to do with the other kids they play with. My husband works nights so it's better for us. I see nothing wrong with it, like the other ladies said.

    Answer by sweetangie79 at 10:39 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • My only issue would be because I am paranoid....I do not let my dd go to her friends houses when just the dad is there. But again I am paranoid and have reason to be.

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 10:44 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • what about that is "weird" ... maybe diferent but not odd! I mean since when does late nights signify a seriel I mean overreacting is what it seems like to me.... JMHO

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 10:46 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • I think you should go over and introduce you and your kiddos, probably the mom was the "bedtime" person,, and he is trying to "give in" ! He could probably use a good neighbor!

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:55 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • I think that, in a situation like this, your best bet is to only allow them to play with the neighbor children at your house and in your yard. This way, you can be sure they are not being molested, taught strange things, or being exposed to bad music, movies, tv, habits, magazines, etc.

    The father may just be trying to win his children's affection by being the "cool dad" and letting them stay up. Many divorced dads do the same thing, since they feel like losers who couldn't keep their families together. Divorce is hard on everyone, and dads usually get the short straw in court. They try to make up for their lack of presence by indulging the kids every chance they get, then sending them home to Mom for discipline and structure.

    Be friendly, helpful and empathetic, but don't be too trusting.

    Answer by MariAnKenobi at 11:05 AM on May. 6, 2011

  • Kids learn fast that different families have different rules -- and that's ok. We had a similar situation this past year. The house immediately next door to us was a family of mostly older kids. They moved at the start of the school year and a family with two kids about the age of mine and a few others on the block moved in. The new family is a little bit more permissive than we are. Their kids have different rules. But that hasn't stopped the gaggle of them from getting together to play, nor has it been a problem. My kids have learned that just because their friends can get something from the ice cream truck every night around 5pm doesn't mean they ought to expect to do the same. Just because they are out later at night, doesn't mean we'll be moving bedtime. They get along well and they behave acceptably when together.

    Answer by ldmrmom at 11:08 AM on May. 6, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.