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8 Bumps

Does being married mean NO privacy???

I was on my facebook last night having a personal conversation with one of my friends thru messaging. It was a serious conversation. Nothing that i was hiding from my husband, he could read the whole thing and i wouldnt care cuz it had nothing to do with him and have nothing to hide. BUT... here is the real story

I had my facebook still up on the computer because i got busy with the kids and then eventually forgot about it. My husband came in here to use the computer and everytime i would walk away from the area, his typing would stop and i KNEW he was going thru my messages reading them. I tried to catch him in the act and sure enough..he was reading it. Im not an idiot. First of all, I don't like the fact that he tried to be sneaky and read it without asking me about it. Second, I was talking to my old teacher from highschool. Her and i were talking about my fathers death and it was a conversation between her and I. I NEED privacy. I don't like someone having to know every F'N thing im doing or going on in my life. He doesnt tell me shit about the conversations between his friends and him so why the hell does he feel obligated to know everything about mine?
I felt it was extremely rude and broke a lot of trust between us. He must of thought something else was being talked about. Maybe something he needed to know. He doesn't know that i know he was reading it. I just didnt bring it up..but it aggrivates me that he thinks that im stupid enough to be lied to and i wouldnt read his shit unless he wanted to show it to me!
Should i talk to him about this or let it go? Am i being silly for being this upset?
I just want SOME kind of privacy!!

Answer Question
 
Mommy103110

Asked by Mommy103110 at 12:04 PM on May. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,699 Credits)
Answers (31)
  • I personally don't care if my other half goes through everything I do online. I have all my passwords stored anyway. I tell him about everything of interest so hi rereading it would just be a waste of time anyway. Talk to him about it if it bugs you that much but I don't see the big deal.
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 12:07 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I'm a very private person. It's not that i have anything to hide, only that I resent being made to feel as though it's someone's RIGHT to know all my stuff. That's how my ex was. Going through all my stuff, reading all my emails, constantly over my shoulder... Again, nothing to hide, but that shows a lack of trust, and an insecurity that I don't feel is justified. Instead of standing there listening into my phone conversation with my sister and interjecting, give me my space, and then when done ask me, "How's your sister?" Holy hell, it's annoying.
    BethLopez

    Answer by BethLopez at 12:09 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • i dnt think ur being silly and yes i think mb u should talk to him about i mean really if u had something to hide why would u talk to someone with him in the room..and yes we should have our privacy even though we get married. that should never change no matter what the situation is...good luck
    Ksmomma30

    Answer by Ksmomma30 at 12:09 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • Thank you ladies. And yes it was extremely annoying. I am a very private person too! If it came down to him thinking i was hiding anything, i wouldnt give a shit if he read it. But, why does he have to instantly jump on thinking HE is being talked about? He didnt say anything like that, but why would he be so interested in reading it? Im upset because i want to have my own life. I dont wanna feel like no matter what i will never have any kind of privacy at all for the rest of my life. Ugh..its so hard to explain but im just irritated about it!
    Mommy103110

    Comment by Mommy103110 (original poster) at 12:13 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I think his lack of trust should lead you to wonder WHY he thinks you're doing something wrong... Hate to tell you, but that's usually a sign of wrongdoing on his part. I sincerely hope that's not the case, and he was simply being nosey, but it is something you should be aware of.
    CeeCee333

    Answer by CeeCee333 at 12:13 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • if you don't talk to him about it it'll eat at you. if you catch him again..it'll make you explode!
    talk to him about it. tell him exactly you told us here and then express your feelings about it. give him the opportunity to say his feelings and reasons, too.
    i've been in your husbands shoes before...just because it was there and i was there. like teenage siblings finding a diary....it's dumb, i know. but, i did confess to my partner about it. no biggie ;) we both got nothing to hide from each other or anyone LOL
    SarahM.1983

    Answer by SarahM.1983 at 12:14 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I think it was him being nosey, and its so annoying!!! lol He really doesnt have the time to cheat. And he is a horrible liar so he knows he would never get away with it. With me anyway lol
    Mommy103110

    Comment by Mommy103110 (original poster) at 12:15 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • We respect each others privacy. I don't go through his wallet, he never opens my purse, we each have separate laptops and unless he asks me to fix something on his I don't touch it. We have separate bank accounts and separate files. It would be easy to go through each others things since there is always a time when one of us is home alone but we don't. We trust each other and having some privacy makes both of us happy.
    Keksie

    Answer by Keksie at 12:15 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • the two things that came to my mind while reading this was
    1) why do you not feel comfortable with your husband knowing your inner thoughts? is there something lacking to begin with
    2) why does your husband feel a need to spy... what vibes are you giving off that he feels he needs to check up OR is he insecure and the kind of guy that always checks up
    3) I dont think this incident is the issue but a symptom of the REAL issue... you two need to sit down and figure that out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • It wouldn't really bother me. I kind of see my husband as an extension of myself (sounds weird, huh?) who will be by my side, with me, until we are frail, old, and gray. So, it is okay with me if he is included in everything I do because he'll be around much longer and stronger than any of my other associations.

    Now, if our relationship was having issues, I may feel differently.

    But, we are all different, and, if it bothers you I might think about saying something. But, it porbably will cause a fight, and then he'll be wondering what you are hiding, so think alot about whether it is really worth it or not.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 12:17 PM on May. 6, 2011

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