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3 Bumps

Friends?

Me and this guy have been best friends since junior high and we have been there for each other. He was there for me when I broke up with my boyfriends over the years and I was there for him when he broke up with his girlfriends over the years and when he lost his mom to cancer. He was there for me when I got pregnant and he supported my decision whe I left my baby's father 4 years ago. We talk on the phone most of the time and we usually meet up to eat or hang out about once every two weeks. We have been friends for about 13 years and one night he sounded funny on the phone and he asked if I was home. I told him I was and 10 minutes later he was ringing my doorbell. He came in and asked if anyone was around. I told him that my son was at his grandma's for the weekend. He told me I need to sit down, i said you're scaring me tell me what's wrong. He told me that him and his girlfriend aren't working again. I told him what were they fighting about now? He said you. I was not surprised. Most of his girlfriends over the years had a problem with his best friend being a woman. I told him that he needs to see things through her eyes and apologize to her. He said "fuck!" I looked at him like what the hell is wrong with you? He said I'm sorry. Can't you see? I said what? He said I'm in love with you. I always loved you.

I was completely caught off guard. One minute I was enjoying a night to myself watching Desperate Housewives eating popcorn and the next here is my best friend dropping this huge bomb on me that I have no idea what to say to.

I had a crush on him a couple of years back when I was in college but I don't know how I feel about this now. Do I feel the same? If I don't or if I do I don't want to ruin our friendship.

I'm torn right now. I told him last night that I had to sleep on this information and that I'll call him tomorrow (today). I was up all night thinking about this and I still don't know what to do.

Have any of you ever gone out with a guy who was your friend? Can you ever be friends again if it didn't work out?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on May. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I went out with a friend for over 2 years.. We stayed friends. I'm now married and we still hang out, he's actually dating one of my best friends and they are in a serious long term relationship (niether one believe in marrage). It was hard and uneasy at first but now you'd never know we dated!
    JennyChmara

    Answer by JennyChmara at 12:25 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I had a similar situation, only he started out as my very first boyfriend (in ALL WAYS). He broke up with me; I had hard feelings for a year or two. I married during that time. Things started going on the skids with the husband and I wanted attention. I wrote to the ex-bf...sent a poem. My then husband wasn't too thrilled about it......

    Down the road after my divorce, my ex-bf and I saw each other off and on.....one of those things where if neither of us were attached we could "get together". When we couldn't, we were still very good friends. But he was not "in love" with me per se. He cared, yes...but not like your friend. Adam may have wanted me, but he respected my boundaries if they existed at the time. We still talk sometimes, but not often. We also live two states apart. I think you should take him seriously.
    Suzi

    Answer by Suzi at 12:34 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I had a best friend in high school that was a guy. We were best friends for two years, dated for 4 years before getting married and our 6 year wedding anniversary is this month. :) I think the best way to start a relationship is to build it on a friendship. I think you should go for it. You already enjoy spending time together, you're already best of friends. You know his likes and dislikes. I think this could be a wonderful thing and I wish you the best of luck in your decision.
    marine_wife0520

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 12:37 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • Give it a try! Friendship is the best foundation, and yes of course you can still be friends if you break up!
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:37 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • Who knows you better than your best friend? Do you have feelings for him or are you going along with this not to hurt his feelings? Either way, you have to be honest with yourself and go with your gut feeling....
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:17 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • if you think you want to explore it talk with him about the friendship and tell him that your biggest fear is losing your friendship if things don't work out. I am sure he can appreciate that and then decide what you both want to do. Sometimes the idea of someone is better than reality but he does know a lot about you and is still in love with you so that tells u a lot as well. The question is can you get past the friendship feeling of things to explore more or not? If you can't then tell him that.
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 1:44 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • Is there any physical attraction for this guy? If not, don't force it. Be honest with him, things may be weird for a short time but things will be worse if you go down that path and then have to tell him that you're not feeling it. If so, give it a try! Maybe start out just going on a "real" date, with no expectations for anything more. If he truely cares for you he will understand that this change in your relationship may take time. Even though you've been through so much together, this is different. It probably took alot for him to face his feelings and tell you. He may be just as afraid to change things. However, he already has, he took the first step by telling you. The balls in your court.... good luck with what ever you choose.
    knappkin

    Answer by knappkin at 3:03 PM on May. 6, 2011

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