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3 Bumps

Have you ever thought about this?

The mother that had to give their child away. I have no clue why that always stays in my mind. Let be clear I thnk adoption s wonderful and more people should do it. I'm not sure if my thoughts about have changed since I have seen my mother have her kids taken away (foster care) and she was saying they wanted to put the kids up for adoption (so I see the stress my mother went through...she was able to get them back). But before I never really thought about the birth mother but now when see an adopted child all i can think about is how the birth mother is....???/weird can anyone help explain that for me? I would lke to go back to not thinking about the birth mother.

Answer Question
 
Jazmineamomma

Asked by Jazmineamomma at 12:29 PM on May. 6, 2011 in Adoption

Level 18 (5,302 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • I think you are just a compasionate person!
    mlmsm928

    Answer by mlmsm928 at 12:31 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I was adopted and my adoptive mother will tell me now that she often has wondered about how my BM is and all that. I think that it is just a part of being human. Wealther you have first hand experience or not, some peoples minds just think and feel differently. This is just the way your heart shows. There is nothing wrong with it and it just shows that you have feelings. Dont think of it as a bad thing whenever you are wondering about someone's BM, just remember that it means you have compassion.
    michelle.coppes

    Answer by michelle.coppes at 12:44 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I was adopted and my adoptive mother will tell me now that she often has wondered about how my BM is and all that. I think that it is just a part of being human. Wealther you have first hand experience or not, some peoples minds just think and feel differently. This is just the way your heart shows. There is nothing wrong with it and it just shows that you have feelings. Dont think of it as a bad thing whenever you are wondering about someone's BM, just remember that it means you have compassion.
    michelle.coppes

    Answer by michelle.coppes at 12:45 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I was adopted and my adoptive mother will tell me now that she often has wondered about how my BM is and all that. I think that it is just a part of being human. Wealther you have first hand experience or not, some peoples minds just think and feel differently. This is just the way your heart shows. There is nothing wrong with it and it just shows that you have feelings. Dont think of it as a bad thing whenever you are wondering about someone's BM, just remember that it means you have compassion.
    michelle.coppes

    Answer by michelle.coppes at 12:45 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • If adoptive parents would keep their promises to the birth mom, nobody would have to wonder how she is! They would be able to ask her!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • As a birth mother myself I always think about the birth mother.

    What I've always found strange is when a birth mother walks into my birth parent support group for the first time and is surprised to find that she's not the only one that gave up her baby and has lived in shame and fear of being found out. I always wonder "well there's all these adopted people out there, who do you think gave birth to them?" I really find that astonishing.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:53 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • You just have empathy because you have seen someone close to you go through something similar. It is a good thing that you have gained some insight into how other people might be feeling. However, I wouldnt label every adoption situation that way. Remember, many moms dont want thier kids or have died and the kids are left orphans. It isnt always the case that the children are taken from her.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 12:58 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • Quoting amber710 - "Many moms don't want their kids".

    First of all this is just not true, it's far from the truth. But, more importantly, do have any idea how hurtful statements like this are to adoptees?

    Where are you getting your opinions on adoption issues from???
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:01 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • That is a very good point...with all the kids who are adoptees tgey have a birth parent. You just never know who is one when talking. I had two coworkers to come forward and tell me tgey were birth mothers.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 4:15 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • It sounds like you are an extremely empathetic person. Empathy is a true gift. It can also be difficult when you see sorrow.

    When you empathize, you do so based on how you know you would feel if you were in the situation. You assume that others feel like you would. I am guessing that losing a child is probably one of the most painful things you can imagine. (Same for me, too) Therefore, I can understand why it would make you sad to think of a mother who lost a child to adoption. I feel sad, too.

    There are lots of different people in this world, though. No doubt that some feel like you think they would and some do not.

    If you want to tone down your empathy so that it doesn't keep making you sad, maybe you could remind yourself that you do not know that adoptee's particular situation or that particular bmom's feelings. Some bmoms are proud of having placed for adoption.

    Does that help at all?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on May. 6, 2011

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