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3 Bumps

Tired of the favorites game.. and my mil in period. (more of a rant than a question)

She can be a good person, I know it. But I am so sick of the way she acts when it comes to her kids and grandchildren. Her daughter is the favorite always has been this way but I am sick of seeing my husband get treated this way. They are having a birthday party for her at a nice restaurant tonight and I had to say no. I am sick of it they haven't been to neither of my sons birthday parties and they didn't come to dh's nor have they done anything for any of his birthdays since we got together. For my baby showers we got 2 or 3 dollar tree things from her, which doesn't bother me i don't mind getting gifts like that that isn't the point, the point is his sister is pregnant with a "nigger baby" (mil's words not mine i despise that she calls this poor baby that) she gets a 5 pound bag of stuff ordered from jc penny's and a new crib. this is just some of the things she does. What irritates me the most is she has custody of her duaghters 2 kids and she plays the favorite game with them. The older one can do no wrong he is a saint the younger one is always in trouble. The older one just got a very nice and expensive bedroom suite but asking for ppl to give her a bed for the other one. What do i do? What do I say? or do i just sit back and leave it be. I am just tired of my children and husband getting treated like crap while they get the royal treatment. Especially when my husband works hard and is a very good man yet his sister is a drug addict who ran out on her children and is pregnant yet again.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on May. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I guess I'll never understand MIL until I am one. I guess your DH is used to it by now, but you are right, he shouldn't have to be. Maybe she feels like something is "owed" to those kids b/c mom walked out? Idk, but just be the best mom you can be and love them and they will love you for that, and one day, if not already they'll see MIL like that too.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 1:17 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I totally understand. My mom and I have a similar situation with my dads family. We are not the favorites. You really can only distance yourself from that person and thier negativity. We found that my grandma favors the kids and grandkids that she thinks resemble her and behave like her and have been raised by her...because she thinks she is perfect. So no matter what you say, she is so convinced of her own perfection that she thinks you are being out of line. So just make sure your husband and kids know you and other people love them and dont worry about her! I would still invite her to things, but only so she doesnt make an issue about her important self being left out!
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 1:20 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • You would think it was because of what there mom did but it has been this way since before that. It also makes me upset because if she thinks of her grandchild that way calling it names like that and still gets him nice things, what does she think of my children to get them little cheesy things (compared to) if anything at all.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:22 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • sadly thats how my Grandparents are too. My Mom and my siblings and I aren't their favorites. My MIL also is kind of like this in the fact she never sees us. Never talks to us. We have to make all the effort, and I do it all for DH. I have cut way back on trying to have a relationship with her. I think thats what you may have to do. Before I would invite her over for big dinners, movie nights. Any excuse for her to be invited over to visit DH and our DS. If she didn't accept the invite....well I tried! She has BBQ's and birthday parties for her other kids, and we don't even get invited to them! So I finally put my foot down and stopped trying so hard. Now they may get an invite to thanksgiving, but they may not. Depends on how much I'm liking them at the moment haha.
    firethearson

    Answer by firethearson at 1:28 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • Okay let me be devils advocate here I get nothing from my mom and neither do my kids when we get something its five or ten bucks and when its all said and done she gives my brothers everything. Sometimes the people who do the most work and can take care of their own get nothing the person who is the laziest or most unwilling can get the most. Sometimes not a compliment but your mil's way of taking responsibility your sil will not take. It made no sense until my father said this to me and just take it with a grain of salt. "Just because they get stuff handed to them does not mean they are the better or more loved child it just means you are doing your job providing for yourself and family. At first I was mad but after I realized how spoiled my brother truly was.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:33 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • It made me grateful to not have to hear my mom complain about it.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:35 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I know how you feel. My mil is the same way she calls my dh sister all the time and is sending things for her and her 6 children all the time. She never calls my dh she has only seen our ds 3 times in 2 yrs if she sends him anything she sends it to my dh's sisters to give to us. She live 8 hrs away, but she was in town for two weeks and never called or anything we found out from my dh sister. It bothered me so much till one day I made up my mind if she doesn't want to know her son that is her problem not mine and if she doesn't want to know her beautiful grandson that is also her problem and her loss, if that is how she is going to be my family is better without her in our lives. My dh's father her ex is the opposite is always here and around he is the best fil anyone could ask for. Really don't know what he seen in her, but I did get my dh from their marriage. :)
    EJKZ

    Answer by EJKZ at 1:53 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • i doubt its favorites. with a lot of cases like this the mother may "act" like they favor one child over the other when in truth they love both their kids equally. why does it come off as favoritism? because the mom knows one child is trouble and the other is doing great fending for themselves. so typically moms step up to help or participate more in the troubled kids life because she knows someone has to. while the other family may feel slighted typically its a compliment because she knows she raised HIM right and regrets the turn out of her daughter so is still trying to rectify that and "Fix her". as for the grand children, remember your kids have two loving parents, while your hubbies neice(s) and.or nephew(s) don't have that. They have one person ... grandma. mommy is gone using and from the sounds of it who knows where daddy is.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:55 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • i'm just saying try to see it from her point of view a little as a mom yourself. i know it hurts at times but maybe suggest some outtings with just you and your family with her.. (dont pressure about materialistic things, instead focus on trying for more one on one time since that is by far more meaningful)
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:57 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • well it doesn't help when she says things like i would expect this from him not her. I can see him being on drugs but she would never do this to me.. no trust me its favoritism
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:01 PM on May. 6, 2011

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