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Answers / Life & Home / Relationships

Thinking about an unusual Mother's Day present...

Some of you may know about my situation with my brother, and how we had a major falling out almost a year ago, and haven't spoken since. My brother and I have NEVER gotten along and this was just the final straw.It's a long story and I won't bore you with the details. It has physically affected me and has also affected my relationship with my mother. I know it tears her up that we are not speaking. God has been working on me about this for a while now, and I would really like to see this situation resolved, so that I can quit carrying it on my shoulders. The problem is, I'm afraid if I try and contact my brother, he will turn it around back onto me and he STILL wont' acknowledge his wrongdoing. He has been like this his entire life. He's a very selfish, immature, uncaring individual, and I'm afraid that no matter what I say or do, he's still not going to change. I was thinking last night, when I couldn't sleep, that it would be a wonderful Mother's Day gift for my mom, if we were to make up and at the very least, not be so angry and bitter at one another. I am afraid, and yes, very stubborn, to contact him and I don't know what to say. HELP!!!

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Bethsunshine

Asked by Bethsunshine at 4:25 PM on May. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 24 (20,230 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I think the best thing you could do for your mom and for yourself is to forgive him carte blanch.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:31 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I think the best thing you could do for your mom and for yourself is to forgive him carte blanch.

    Plese don't think I'm stupid, but what does carte blanch mean? Just forgive him, no questions, no strings?
    Bethsunshine

    Comment by Bethsunshine (original poster) at 4:33 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • People dont change and if he is a toxic person you dont need to make up with him for anyone. You can learn how to forgive yourself. We tend to beat our selves up when we cannot love or get along with a family member and we think it is our fault, and sometimes it isnt. It is self preservation. Ultimately your mom just wants you to be happy.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:36 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • gemgem, that's what I've been thinking for the past year, that he is a toxic person and I'm better off without him in my life. The problem is, like I said, it has affected my relationship with my mother. If it were just between my brother and I, I could wash my hands of it and go on. I know my mother wants me to be happy, but I also know that this is very upsetting for her. How do I go about forgiving myself, like you said, and moving on?
    Bethsunshine

    Comment by Bethsunshine (original poster) at 4:40 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • Well for me, it was my step dad and I fighting that ruined the relationship between my mother and I for a while. We didn't talk for three years. I still to this day do not forgive my dad, but I tolerate him for my mother.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 4:44 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I will give you a gift of what needs to be done. You can take the gift or disregard it, it is up to you. It does not matter if he ever acknowledges his wrongdoing. That's right, it doesn't matter. What matters is what you do with your self only. For instance, what would it hurt to make nicey nice for your mom? And then the rest of the time you ignore him or have little or nothing to do with him. When your mom talks about him, be nice. Say nice things, be pleasant, but think your own thoughts. Live your life without regrets or sorrow and without toxicity. You cannot force him to make amends. He will probably never do it. I know this from experience. I have sisters like your brother. If my parents were still alive, for their sakes, I would pretend to get along with my sisters, and then just ignore them the rest of the time. I wouldn't say one word against them, or bring up old wounds. That is the gift.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 8:12 PM on May. 6, 2011

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