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4 Bumps

Is it rude to invite yourself to your SO's family gatherings? VENT

My mom's new boyfriend (they have been dating since November) is a nice enough guy but he does some things that just bug me. The first thing you should know about him is he has NO social graces AT ALL. One of those things is he is constantly doing is inviting himself to family gatherings (birthday parties, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and now Mother's Day). When he invites himself to birthday parties, he doesn't even bring a present for the birthday guest or even offer to go in with my mom for one, he just shows up with my mom, assuming that him being there (when he wasn't invited by the birthday person) is present enough. Again, it's not that I don't like him, it's just that I am tired of him being at EVERYTHING we do with our family. He also asked my mom to go to a concert on Mother's day, ummm maybe her CHILDREN want to spend Mother's Day with her (especially as we already made plans with her). So when she told him that, he said "ok, well then I'll just to your families get together." My mom just goes along with it, doesn't bother to ask anyone if they MIND that he comes. Last week, we made plans to go to the beach with my DD and my brother, then next thing I know, he is coming (my DH was working that day so I ended up being the third wheel.) On Christmas, my mom and I decided to carpool to my aunt's house (she lives an hour and a half away) and her BF ended up showing up at my mom's house. When we went to get into the car he had the nerve to say to me "oh, are you riding with us?" and I said "no YOU are riding with US (especially since I am the one who gave my mom gas money" Thanks for letting me vent, I am just tired of it.

Answer Question
 
JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 6:24 PM on May. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • It would probably get under my skin. I have a similar situation!! Good luck momma Happy Mothers day!!
    kristybaby2

    Answer by kristybaby2 at 6:26 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • Thank you, You too
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 6:26 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • Your mom has to say something to him or it's not going to get better. Next time you have a family function that is only for family let your mom know that she is invited, and just her. Let her know you want some time with her without her boyfriend tagging along. Good luck (c:
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 6:29 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I am kind of in a similar situation. My mother has been engaged to what can only be described as a socially awkward stooge for several years now. I was pretty much raised by another woman and my father, so she and I don't have the best of relationships anyway, but when he comes in from day one (I think I was 24 or 25 when they started dating), and started trying to parent me, I thought OH HELL NO. My MOTHER didn't parent me, I have a father, and, um, I have a family of my own now. LOL

    I just think of it as "how often do I really have to deal with these people" and let most of it go. Still, he is obnoxious enough to make me cringe when I actually DO have to deal with him for anything longer than a few mins.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 6:48 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I don't see anything wrong w/ this if she wants him with
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:48 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • Anon, but the REST of us don't. It would be one thing when it is HER birthday but other people's birthdays (who didn't invite him). I have always been really close to my mom and I have nothing to do with my dad so that makes this harder
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 6:52 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I understand the rest of you don't like him, but he is with your mother right now. It's just life. One of those things you just have to suck it up and deal with it. Out of love and repect for your mother you need to try to accept him, even if he is a huge turd.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:56 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I would cancel the plans I made for my mom and tell her to spend MOTHERS day with her obnoxious BF. Tell her point blank that this annoys you and you would like some time with her and your family ALONE.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 7:27 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • If you don't want him there, then you need to tell your mother that. However, since I am a mom with grown children, I have this perspective: If my children told me that my boyfriend was not welcome at a gathering, I wouldn't go myself. I would just bow out gracefully and plan something fun with my BF. I did go through something similar when I was dating my current husband. My oldest son and his wife tried to blackmail me. They said if I kept dating him, they would not allow me to be around their newborn. I said, fine, if that is what you want. The child will miss having a great grandmother. The thing is I wonder what happened when you were younger? Did you have friends come to family gatherings? Did you have boyfriends come who sometimes were socially inept? I know my teenage BF was always at our gatherings. So maybe it is just your turn to welcome the BF of a family member.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 8:03 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • understandable. i hate that!
    my friend hated that about me at one point. i was always bringing my BF to things
    she told me right away she missed just me and her time
    so she was right and i felt flattered and changed my behavior right away.
    so tell your mom right away you miss just you and her time, that SHOULD get him out of your hair
    Liz4Life

    Answer by Liz4Life at 9:11 PM on May. 6, 2011

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