Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My fiance and I have 2 kids each from previous marriages 18 & 20 He has been divorced from their mom 15 yrs

.Today his daughter sent him a text message staing that she was asking for her mother.Quote Mom asked me to send you this.Will you give her (the mom) some money,No this is not for the kids I am asking for me .( I forgot to mention that she quit her job (the ex) 2 weeks ago . My fiance text back It is not my place to GIve your mother money,My responsibility is my children. The daughter texts backs. Now mind you both are in college has bf gf both have cars blah blah.Am I being wrong that I agree with my fiance that he does not owe or have to give the ex wife money .And how do I try to begin to talk about the way she talks to her dad.and dis respects him the way she does becasuse he wont keep his ex up?  My 2nd dilema  How should I ask my step daughter to talk to me over lunch about the way she feels about me and ask why she wont give me a chance .Like I said I too am from a DIVORCED BLENDED family.vios marriages.His daughter is 18 and son 20(they still live @home with their mom) I have 1 left at home.My fiance and I do not live together due to his job has placed him in different city temporarily,My fiance and I travel every weekend to see one another .Generally we se one another 8 days out of a month sometimes a few more if a Holiday  or something.His adult children live in the same town he is in do to their colleges.His daughter has never given me a chance so we donot have what I would say a relationship.I give both of his kids respect always speak and very courteous .I donot say anything out of the way about their Mother.As I too was from a BLENDED family.Today his daughter sent him a text message staing that she was asking for her mother.Quote Mom asked me to send you this.Will you give her (the mom) some money,No this is not for the kids I am asking for me .( I forgot to mention that she quit her job (the ex) 2 weeks ago . My fiance text back It is not my place to GIve your mother money,My responsibility is my children. The daughter texts backs. This message Well I am am not going to talk to you anymore since you wont give my mom moneyand I am glad that you and your gf only see one another a few days a mont. And you need to get your head out of her @@## you are so immature what a good dad you are you nevber take us anywhere. Now mind you both are in college has bf gf both have cars blah blah.Am I being wrong that I agree with my fiance that he does not owe or have to give the ex wife money .And how do I try to begin to talk about the way she talks to her dad.and dis respects him the way she does becasuse he wont keep his ex up?  My 2nd dilema  How should I ask my step daughter to talk to me over lunch about the way she feels about me and ask why she wont give me a chance .Like I said I too am from a DIVORCED BLENDED family.

Answer Question
 
theoutsider13

Asked by theoutsider13 at 10:56 PM on May. 6, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • He is right. He doesn't owe her anything. The kids will get over it. He doesn't need to let the dd manipulate him
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:07 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • I am totally missing the question.

    I think this needs to be a journal post.

    And/or, break it up into several, more straightforward questions.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 11:11 PM on May. 6, 2011

  • Actually your question is a good one. Does he owe this woman any consideration? Should he give her money? The answer is absolutely not. And not only that, but he should inform his daughter that he will not be blackmailed. That it is her choice to not see him, and therefore, she is on her own for college. We teach people how to treat us. I think your fiance has taught his children to treat him with disrespect because he is afraid he will lose them if he is a real father. A father who says no, a father who has boundaries. The news flash is that he has already lost this child. Throwing money at her or her mom will only increase the disrespect. I think if you have not married yet, I would really think through my decision to be with this man. Let him prove himself by saying no to this blackmail, because if he cannot, your married life will be full of nasty situations like this one.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 10:23 AM on May. 7, 2011

  • Does he owe his ex wife any money for herself - no, he doesn't.

    Does the daughter have to explain to you why she doesn't want to have a relationship with you - no, she doesn't.

    It doesn't matter what kind of family you come from. What matters is that you aren't her mother and you are intruding into the relationship she has with her father.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 12:13 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • i'm sorry i didn't understand anything from that post. it repeated itself
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:54 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • He doesn't owe her anything, the children are adults and they will have to learn to deal with it.
    tamara2065

    Answer by tamara2065 at 1:35 PM on May. 18, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN