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How do you tell your mate the sex was not up to par?

 
rinamomof2

Asked by rinamomof2 at 5:03 PM on May. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 21 (11,629 Credits)
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Answers (12)
  • I tell my man what I want him to do and it turns him on too.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 5:07 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • Why do you need to tell him that? Is it every time that it's not up to par? If it's only a one time, or occasional thing, I wouldn't tell him. Why hurt his feelings over something that happens rarely? If it's an every time thing, then you need to figure out what he needs to do for you to feel it is up to par, then sit down with him outside the bedroom, at a time that is not right before or right after sex, and gently explain that you'd like to make a few changes to your sex life so it will be more satisfying. Then you can explain the changes to him, if he's willing to listen and work on it with you.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:39 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • I'm not sure I would tell my spouse that. Men tend to take critisism in that area particulary hard. I would hope practice would make perfect and start telling him what you really like during sex.
    wendydays

    Answer by wendydays at 5:08 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • Well if he's having an off day,I just take over and get on top and get mine! He's most likely figuring it out unless you're faking an orgasm. When you're NOT in bed,tell him that whatever it was that he was doing just didn't do it for ya and suggest something else
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 5:15 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • While we're doing it I tell him what I want him to do to me...it turns us both on...I don't think I would ever just tell him that he's not satisfying me. Men are so, so very sensitive when it comes to that and I wouldnt want to hurt his feelings
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 5:22 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • Is this an occasional issue, if so I say nothing.. If it happens all the time; take control and show him what you want. Talk to him outside the situation, not right after sex.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 5:27 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • Bring it up outside of the bedroom. In a neutral area. Doing it right after or in the bedroom usually makes people more defensive. But if you approach it like a normal serious convo you will probably get a better response
    LadyMitres

    Answer by LadyMitres at 5:08 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • you mean right after, as he says, ''was it good for you?''..or as a discussion at another time, in hopes of making it better?
    if it wasn't good, i always say ''uh huh''. yep. i lie...its either that, or deal with a big baby. however, at this point in time, he knows me well enough to know i'm not having a good time in the sack, and he tries to switch it up. if anything, he goes on and on and on, trying to make me have the best time...and frankly, i just wish he'd get on with it, finish up, and wash up.
    they are so sensitive about their little penises and how well they perform.
    if you're discussing how to make sex better, by all means, be as demonstrative and honest as possible. show him what you want, and how you want it. don't just assume he'll 'learn you' . he won't without your help.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 5:09 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • Was it him trying something new & different, or was it him not being tuned into your needs? I'd say identify what it was that was lacking for you, and find a non-accusatory, non-threatening way of bringing it up.

    And imagine if he were talking to you about the same thing- would you want him to say what you're planning to say? Keep that in mind so that maybe you can talk without sounding like you're attacking his man skills. Which is hard- that's a tough subject & somebody's bound to get defensive. Good luck!
    EgoTryptophan

    Answer by EgoTryptophan at 5:10 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • I think changing things up helps. He could have had a bad day. Try it again. I told my x one time we'll keep trying until he gets it right! lol
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:51 PM on May. 7, 2011

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