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No mothers Day for mother in law?

I am so stressed out right now because my so decided he doesn't want to celebrate mothers day with his mom this year. Since I've known him (3 years) his family has all given him grief but no one worse than his mother. Before his parents divorced she wasnt so bad, but after the papers where final she went crazy. She claimed she didnt have enough money to get her own place so she moved in with us and we've been supporting her for a year(if you're wondering yes she works-fulltime at that). Before we lived together she was civil with me but now she flat out hates me. She told my s/o she's supposed to be the 'woman of the house' and that i just flat out disrespect her because I cook/buy my own food and won't eat what she cooks (which is the same thing every Sunday). Her treatment towards my S/o though is far worse, she curses him out, calls him nasty names, and threatens him when he doesn't do what she tells him, in other words, she's spoiled. Just this morning she rang the door bell repeatedly at 7am to wake us up because she locked herself out (one time wouldn't have done justice) and told him she didnt care about us being sleep. When her birthday comes everyone makes a big deal because if they don't she will cry and throw a fit about it. My S/O said hes had enough. He's not doing it anymore. I don't blame him but I know this is going to cause problems in our home. I'm 8 months preg. and I dont need the extra stress, things have been pretty calm lately and I want them to stay that way. I thought about sneaking and buying her a card, but I dont want him to get upset with me. She's been staying here for so long, so I don't think we can flat put her out. I don't know what to do. We we're planned on moving but his dad was helping us, but now he might not when he finds out my S/O didnt buy her anything. I don't know what to do. I'm so worried his reluctance to please her will backfire.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on May. 7, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Yes, you can put your MIL out of your home and though you don't have to give her any notice at all - 30 days is reasonable. She is not the woman of the house, but you and SO are allowing her to be based on her behavior, actions, etc. SO is on the right track - he's near done. But you are not finished yet - a talk with MIL needs to be had - either by SO or both of you letting MIL know that she needs to move and why and the timeframe she needs to be gone. I applaud you wanting to get MIL a card or something, but your motive is not because she deserves it; it's because you're afraid of the repercussions if you don't - in other words, you would still be enabling her. If you and your SO don't stand up to her, think about the negative environment and the example for acceptable behavior being set for baby. If you think you've got problems now, just wait until baby gets older and starts acting like Grandma.
    pocmom

    Answer by pocmom at 10:09 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • You CAN flat out put her out. Give her 30 days to get her own place, it may be the only thing that saves your relationship with your SO and keeps the peace. BOTH of you are enabling her to continue her immature behavior and someone needs to stop it before she takes over your home and relationship completely. If you think she is complaining now, wait until the baby is born.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:20 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • I belive e above poster is 100% right, its time for her to go and since your baby is coming soon she may make everything worse, i don't see why she has to live with you, she is working and can find her own place, its time for her to let go of her baby and let him have his family.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 9:25 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • It's a delicate situation, isn't it? esp when you are trying to keep peace. This is what I would do. You and your SO need to decide what you want to do first re: house, moving out, supporting her, etc. (united front). Then have him sit her down and communicate to her (make sure you are not physically present). As a daughter in law, sometimes things are better left unsaid. Mother and son/daughter, they can say the worst possible thing to each other, generally speaking, blood trumps it all. That relationship will heal in time vs. in-law relationship, the strain/awkardness will always be there. I like one of the suggestions that give your MIL 2-3 months heads up. Alternatively, if she doesn't move by 2-3 months, all you need to focus on is your well-being and the baby's well-being. That's your sole job. If she keeps aggrevating you, shut the door and blame it on the lack of sleep/hormones.
    Olivia4116

    Answer by Olivia4116 at 9:37 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • In the meantime, Get her a card, some flowers. It's only $10, but the gesture/goodwill will go a long way.
    Olivia4116

    Answer by Olivia4116 at 9:38 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • Sounds like you can't win no matter what you do!! It really sucks dealing with drama queens like that... I'd let her know, well I'd have her son let her know what your plan is for the future asap, so that she can start planning to get her own place. Be prepared for her to through a fit, and to distance yourselves from her if you need to.

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 9:25 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • i offered to get her some roses and a card but hes been watching me like crazy all day today.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:53 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • i got my boyfriends mother some flowers. sent them today, so its not technically mothers day, but the meaning of the flowers were for mothers day (she's taken on a motherly role for me).

    i'd tell DS that you were gonna get her a card- at least show appreciation for a fine man that she raised. HE doesnt have to do anything for her, but maybe it'll keep things calm between you and MIL?
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 9:57 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • I hope it works out for you!

    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 10:25 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • I hope it works out with you guys!!!!! I know how it feels to live with your in-laws because I used to live with my in-laws!!!! My suggest is to you is talk to your husband about you guys helping your in-law to get her own place and if I was you you proably want to do it as soon as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Tossundacis

    Answer by Tossundacis at 5:32 PM on May. 8, 2011

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