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5 Bumps

We lost the feeling, it feels like ...

I feel lost. I have been with my husband for 16 years but only married the last 5 years. I feel that we have lost alot between us for haveing 2 kids and for that fact I work days he works nights and he only getsmaybe 1 day a week mostly during the week which I have weekends off. He is a wonderful man and a great father. But lately we have no connection. He keeps making comments that love cant keep people together. I use to believe that love can surpass anything but lately I think he is right. Love cant be the only thing. Its just become that we never see each and never really talk. We never fight and we are open and upfront with each other. I guess I just feel lost. I see my friends go on dates withthere husbands and am like I can say I havent done that since having kids. We reallyhave no time. But fear if we dont start making the time or doing something we will really be done. So with that said am I the only one who is going though this and if not what are you doing to change things?

Answer Question
 
moma22angels

Asked by moma22angels at 10:26 PM on May. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (342 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I remember feeling that way in my first marriage. I made a wrong choice: I cheated. Before that and after I had suggested a number of times sex therapy. He didn't think we had a problem. It's not like there weren't opportunities either. But he worked at GE and had a breaktime where he could go home and eat....well he chose to masturbate. Later when I wanted to make love, he didn't want to. I told him it was cuz he did that at lunchtime. In the end it was because he was no longer attracted to me.

    In your case, you still love each other. Isn't there even 5 minutes in a day when you can hold each other or look in each others' eyes?
    Suzi

    Answer by Suzi at 10:38 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • my husband and I are like that we LOVE eachother but are just too busy for sex. we have 3 small kids both work and run everyday with sports. Kids will get bigger things will get better :) It could be just the busy life style you live
    r00j04j08

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 10:43 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • my hubby and I can't do anything to change it now! we have NO one to help us and babysit so we can go out, his mother say NO!! no one watched her kids (yeah, bitch!!!) and my mom is busy but does when can. we go out once a year on our anniversary. We know when the kids get bigger we will have US time .
    r00j04j08

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 10:45 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • I understand R00, my faily is the same way I very rarly am able to find a sitter. I would only aloow family I wouldnt ask my friends. So that makes it hard also.
    moma22angels

    Comment by moma22angels (original poster) at 10:48 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • My DH and I are in a similar position. He works 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, and his job is far away. Because of this, we only have a couple nights a week and one day. He wants to spend time with the kids on his day off, I don't blame him. But I also want to be able to go out to a movie and dinner with him. The last time we did that was in 2007. My mom use to watch our kids so we could go out and be together, but now that she is dead, we never have any time. It's hard, and I am jealous of all of my friends. I would love to have a date night, and never get it. My DH thinks that a good date night is sex, but he isn't the one who has to nurse the baby or get up with any of the kids in the middle of the night. We really need some time for ourselves.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 11:26 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • Get a book called "Fireproof" could help, don't lose faith
    Ladyj2121

    Answer by Ladyj2121 at 12:50 AM on May. 8, 2011

  • I can relate. While DH and I do get chances to make love at night now that he's no longer working nights, we haven't gone out as a couple since 2008. I have friends that I do trust with my children who are willing to watch them for a date night, but he never wants to go out when they offer. He tells me we have nothing in common, which is probably true if you don't count the past eight years of our lives, two children, similar upbringings, movie genres, music genres...I've told him that I do love him and want us to grow old together, but I don't want it be out of some misguided sense of obligation on his part, and that the girls will be better off if we get along and are happy, whether that means as a couple or as two single individuals who love and care for them equally.
    AmourSpork

    Answer by AmourSpork at 1:50 AM on May. 8, 2011

  • My ex worked nights. I think it is very hard on marriage and family life, and I believe it led to them quickened demise of my marriage. There wer other issues, but this contributed alot. Partly because I realized I could do it all myself because I already was doing most of it. Any possiblity of changing shifts??
    Also, I think the whole little kid thing makes connecting that much harder. If he is saying that he doubts love will keep you together, he is halfway out the door already...something has to change. and soon.
    ferrellmt

    Answer by ferrellmt at 2:14 AM on May. 8, 2011

  • i work opposite to my hubby and we get our time apart and cherish the times we have together i get that way too when i feel were loosing it but we always get it back we have been together 10 years
    rinamomof2

    Answer by rinamomof2 at 4:45 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • OH MY GOODNESS i am going threw the same thing, me and my husband have been together for 12 yrs married and together 13, 3 kids i wk 1st and 3rd shifts he works 2nd we dont have alot of time together but what has helped in making time, wheather i stay up to see him, most times we do lunch dates because my kids are in school and youngest goes to sitter, so im able to do luch once in awhile, but i would like more time with him, that loving feeling goes away and sometimes i think i cant stand him, im not sure what would help u but i would try to find more time to spend so way so how, see if that help!! hope things get better soon~~~~
    carol00

    Answer by carol00 at 11:06 PM on May. 8, 2011

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