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6 Bumps

What would you do if.....(UPDATED)

What would you do if your husband is coming for his R&R and his mom want to come right away the next day of his arrival. This is not his 1st deployment, is his #6, in the 12 yrs of our marriage she never get interest to come and visit us for nothing at all, why now? That is my question. His mom pretty much don't even call to see how his kids are doing but instead, she want to come for 5 days in his R&R (15 days of relax and relaxation time). OHHH! And in top of that he had to pay for her ticket. What would you do? I just want to make those days less than 5 days.....Well, because I'm the one that is going to book it, I will get the latest airplane that arrive close to 11 pm......Then on the leaving day I will book the earliest that leave at 6:45 am. My kids have been planning a schedule to spend time with his Daddy and now all of that is ruin. My oldest ones (12 yrs old and my 10 yrs old) express me to buy them tickets to go to my mom's house until his Daddy's mom (that's how they call her) leave......I'm really sad because one of my kids drop his grades from A's to D's because he don't want his Daddy's mom to come. My son ask me, why if she don't even call us to see how we doing, why she is coming to ruin our time with Daddy?....He answer himself, she's coming because all she cares is about my "Daddy" not us.....It broke my heart listen my kids say these things.....I would like some of you girls give advice....I have my children in counseling because of this situation....

UPDATE (May 13)

Now things are getting worse.......Not only my MIL is satisfied to come and ruin or time with my DH, now is youngest sister is coming to....And by the way both of them want my DH to buy them the tickets....HELLLLOOOO!!! I told him that he only can pay his mom not his sister.....OH!!!! What a nightmare I'm going to live for 5 days......I only think about my kids and it get me so pissed off. And by the way my MIL is pretty much argue with her big daughter because my MIL told her to take care her son......She is mad at my MIL.......So if I buy the ticket it may be a possibility that she may not come....Because they always leave thing for the last minute....So my DH is already advice, if he is not sure of her to come, I'm not going to waste almost $800  and then loose them....What you guys do in my position?

Answer Question

Asked by Amyelitza69 at 11:31 PM on May. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 6 (144 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Sounds like you need to have your husband in that same counsiling.

    He is enabling her and her actions. Until he can see what HE is doing, it will not change.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:36 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • I would explain to her that that time is already planned out and that if she wants to come for 1-2 days then that would be fine but she needs to realize that his children need the quality time and chance to bond with their dad and you aren't going to let her ruin that for them.

    Answer by coala at 11:38 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • eye rollinghe needs to set boundaries with his mom. he now has a family of his own who needs to spend quality time with him. you should talk to him about this, if he doesn't understand or gets defensive ......i see problems in your future. your MIL is so rude! she just injected herself into the equation huh? talk about an uninvited guest..


    Answer by gwen20 at 11:40 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • Can I ask if you have informed your husband on what the children are saying and how they feel about it? This is so sad I wish I had better advice for you. But if he doesn't know I would let him in on how they feel I think they should have a say in it.

    Answer by EJKZ at 11:43 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • I understand him in a way because it been years the he been invite her to visit us and she always wait until the last minute to answer him NO....But my kids can't wait until he get home to express him their feelings about this. I know is going to knock him very hard how his kids feel about his mom coming....All I can do is book her ticket to come late, late time and leave very early in the morning, and make her have like 2-3 stops. And give the excuse that it was the only thing I found. OH!! He will be going to the counseling too, we just wait on him to arrive, because is out of this world that from 10 grand kids this lady had, 4 of them the moms don't want them to know this lady to know about them. Then from the other 6 (obviously 3 from me). She only is around of 3 because there her daughters sons. Then my husband's kids (mine) are the far away ones, and she don't even care in their B-days at all. Is her loss anyway...

    Comment by Amyelitza69 (original poster) at 11:43 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • To coala, this lady don't understand that "his baby" that's is how she call him, had other priorities. This is not a thing that came out, it been yrs, but me and my husband been trying to ignore because of our kids. But I been telling him that is time to him to tell her that if she don't care about our children to stop to been in his son life. But the thing is that this lady is a manipulating lady, if he told him things, then she start having chest pain, or get pissed off my husband. She had 4 kids in total, including my husband....and the other three she been doing with them what ever she want, in other words, she ruins all of them life. And because my husband know that he don't let her manipulate him, that why she acts the way she acts. But as soon he arrive my kids been telling me that they would tell how they feel...Is sad to see kids thinking like grown ups. They call her a liar, because all she want is attention.

    Comment by Amyelitza69 (original poster) at 11:51 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • To gwen20, all I can do is to book the longest and latest trip...So that way she don't come again. My husband know she is two faces with me, so I'm ready, I have some backup plans in case she try to act up and try to destroy my house...That is the way she is, I also advice my husband already, I told him if she try to get out of her chain, she would be having a good kick in her @ss by me, and the police would escort her to the airport....I will not accept any bad conduct in front of my children because they are never expose to that.

    Comment by Amyelitza69 (original poster) at 11:55 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • To EJKZ, he is in Iraq and I don't want to give him another stress of what he had, all I been telling him is that the kids want to speak with him about how they feel.....He had an idea, but I don't want him to think that I'm the one putting things on my kids heads....My kids see by their own eyes and they ask me, all I answer them is, "Ask your Dad, because she is not my mom", i don't want her to think that I talk bad about her to my kids.....

    Comment by Amyelitza69 (original poster) at 11:59 PM on May. 7, 2011

  • To Jademom07, I know that as soon he heard the counselor he will know that who ever don't want to be in our kids life, we should continue without them. But as a son he can't understand that from 4 kids his mom had, she is acting like this with his children, I guess I would tell her all I have in my chest and I know he will support me...Because his mom ans sisters always try to put down my husband and I'm the one always telling him, that he is the best, and if they don't know that, let it go. So, will see when he arrive....Well is not going to be enough time...He is arriving on Jul 4th and her in Jul 5th....What a b***h........

    Comment by Amyelitza69 (original poster) at 12:09 AM on May. 8, 2011

  • I know what you are going through!!!! But at least when does come that she wants to vist then and Im so sorry that your kids feel that way about his mom too!!!! Good luck with everything too!!!! Im in the same spot like you are and my in-laws wont even pick up the phone to check on their grandson plus my in-laws expect us to bring our son over to my in-laws house all the time and my in-laws wont come to our house because Im my husband wife and that they completely hate my guts too!!!!

    Answer by Tossundacis at 5:14 PM on May. 8, 2011

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