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2 Bumps

Should I do or say anything at all?

Last night, DH and I had an argument/discussion about our relationship and he said we have nothing in common (because eight years of our lives, two children, similar upbringings, and mutual tastes in music and movies don't apparently count...)

I wanted to keep talking but he said he had to sleep and rolled over to start snoring. By that time, it was after 4a. An hour later, his phone rings and it's a police officer telling him his business has been broken into so he left to deal with that and came home an hour and a half later and went to bed.

Around 2.30p he got up and went to his business (a partner had been working there all morning). Around 5ish I texted him and asked what he wanted for dinner. He said fish and rice. We usually eat late and he wasn't going to be home until after 9p, so I started cooking around 8.30p.

After getting everything cooked, I texted that it was done and sat down with DD1 to eat. After we were done eating, I fed DD2 some baby food and a bottle and then got both girls into bed.

I called DH and asked him if he was going to be home anytime soon and he said he was having a business meeting with the two partners, so I wrapped his plate up in plastic and put it in the fridge.

DH didn't get home until 2.30a, and brought with him some leftovers from a local diner. He'd gone there with the partners (after he knew I had dinner waiting at home) because they'd all gotten hungry after their meeting. After the diner, he'd driven one of the partner's home because that guy doesn't drive (he'll be thirty this year and never got a license...).

By the time DH got home, I was kind of peckish again, so when he offered me his leftover cheesy fries and BLT burger I gobbled it down. I didn't ask who paid for the meal. I'm choosing to assume it was either out of the business account or his partners' wallets because we can't afford to be dining out right now.

I don't like arguing with DH and tend to just avoid it even when I want to speak up about something. He wasn't home at night for the past few years because of a graveyard shift job. Now that he can be home at night, he's choosing not to be in favor of diners and pool halls with his business partners. The partners are just two guys he's been friends with for a while who help him run the business. Even though he's calling these late nights business meetings, I feel like he's just using that as an excuse to not come home.


Asked by AmourSpork at 3:50 AM on May. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (6,638 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I think you're right about him using these "meetings" as excuses not to come home. You should talk to him about it, and don't make it optional. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

    Answer by boshs1andonly at 7:44 AM on May. 8, 2011

  • Sorry to say but it sounds like he's cheating on you. Throw it at him and see how he reacts.

    Answer by xmama_bellax at 7:48 AM on May. 8, 2011

  • Definitely talk to him honestly and openly. Then invite him to share his feelings. Share your feelings and concerns for your marriage. You may not have anything in common now because he seems to be going in an opposite direction, but let him know you would like to get back on the same page and if he feels the same. Arguments and accusations will only put him on the defensive. Approach him calmly and nicely; remember "you catch more bees with honey." If his response is still defensive or if he refuses to talk about what's important to both of you, I'd suggest the help of a professional- marriage counselor, therapist, whatever. There may be more going on than meets the eye, not necessarily cheating, but a longing to feel "free and in control."

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:32 AM on May. 8, 2011

  • To me it sounds like cheating , i mean you dont stay gone all night from the person ur in love with. ask him and tell him how you feel.

    Answer by ashes27165 at 11:53 AM on May. 8, 2011

  • I would say the late night meetings are not OK and talk to him about how your feeling. If you do not tell him how you feel believe me u will HATE him

    Answer by Mrs.Norris at 4:15 AM on May. 8, 2011

  • think well for your convenience

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 7:46 AM on May. 8, 2011

  • I agree with Mrs. Norris- at the very least you should tell him how you feel, because if you don't, you will start to resent him.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 8:00 AM on May. 8, 2011

  • It doesn't automatically mean he's cheating .. Talk to him and open up! Blow it out of proportion ! Sometimes men take advantage of the fact that your ok with his horrible actions . Like a 3 year old! They will push n push to see your limit and when you will break! His staying out late nights are unacceptable !

    Answer by Helen2004 at 1:34 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • I agree with a PP.. sounds like he is cheating. Even if he isn't, you should make your feelings known. How do you expect him to change if your unwilling to let him know that you don't like it? He isn't a mind reader.

    If you want him to change his behavior, tell him. Otherwise, stop getting mad at him for it. But if you keep your mouth shut, you're haboring resentment and it will eventually destroy your marriage.

    Answer by StephG718 at 4:33 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • rules are rules

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 7:00 PM on May. 8, 2011