Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

My husband is an addict. adult content

I need to vent... I need help making a decision. I cant talk to anyone in my family because they will hold everything I tell them in confidence and use it against my husband if I decide to stay..

My husband recently re- enlisted in the Army and is currently living in a seperate state than me and our daughter. That isnt the problem, although it certainly was a highlighter to all of our issues... See.. I suppose it started right after I had our daughter.

My mother came to me saying her vicodin was missing. Well, my mom is highly paranoid, always has been. so when she told me this I thought nothing of it. When she accused my husband of it, I took personal offense and broke down. I called her crazy, f***ing insaine.. A day later she left to stay with her sister in Alaska.

Three days later my dad came into my room.. My father and I have always been very close.. He told me he was missing some vicodins from his bedroom. He was worried it was corey. I said I didnt know who was stealing these, but I would find out! I hid a video camrea in my fathers room.

Later that day my husband came home from work and said "did you know there was a camera in your dads room?"
I blew up.
"How would you know that?!"
"I let the cat out of his room and I noticed it"
"Bull shit! BULL SHIT! Are you stealing his vicodin?? Did you steal moms?!"
"Fine. Im checking the video, I'll know then"

.....he stopped me... with a lowered head he said "wait... I did take one of your dads vicodin. But only ONE I SWARE! and I NEVER took your moms!!"
...I broke down.. My family trusted him enough to live in their home and he steals drugs from them? and lie to my face... My daughter was only a few months old. I told him to pack his shit and get the fuck out.

He cried. but did so. After packing he said he was leaving. I told him to wait... I still dont know why. I guess I was scared to have to raise our baby alone.. scared to lose him. I told him he needed to call his father, confess everything, and ask for advice.

He did. His father told him how utterly disgusted he was... My husband and I talked through it and decided not to tell my father. Why? Because My father ADORES my husband, and it would have shattered him to know the truth. So I kept it all inside.

Several months later we went to a birthday party for my neice at a family members home. After leaving my cousin called me. She said no one else wanted to tell me, but they were missing narcotics.. they saw my husband in the bathroom they went missing from.

I confronted my husband. He denied it...of course.

Within those last two years he has seen doctor after doctor complaining of back problems (he was in an IED accident in Iraq) he was put on everything from vicodin to oxycodone, to morphine pills... And as much as I bitched about it, he still filled his script.

I had a surgery, and was prescribed oxycodone... I literally begged my doctor to please not give me pain meds. I never told her why. She did... and of course, pills kept going missing. still he denied it.

We have been in huge arguements lately, now that we are in seperate states. And he has recently admitted to having a problem with narcotics. Though still denies stealing from anyone other than my dad. . He said he was abusing them.

I can understand addiction- its not to be taken personal. Because he is an addict is not a reflection on who I am. But what wife... and mother can't help feeling "what is so bad that you have to medicate yourself?" Is your life that hard? You need a crutch?

I recently went to see him in his apartment- the one Im supposed to be moving myself and our daughter to. He currently has a room mate that smokes 'spice' I guess its like salvia (a legal drug, like weed but legal). My husband warned me that he smokes it, and says the guys an idiot for doing it. That he could get kicked out for doing that 'drug'. When I met said room mate I said "did you smoke your spice??" he giggled and said "yeah, your husband smoked with me twice last week"


I was so pissed. I asked him "what the fuck is this to you? a game? your a father now! Doesnt that mean anythign!?"

He justified it with " I smoked it to know what my friends were going through... taht doesnt make me a drug addict!!"

... really? I left the next day and flew home.. We are still in the 'process' of talking through things..

Man.. reading this Its SO easy to say leave. To treat it like a story, instead of a life. The ending is so obvious- this man is a liar, an addict, a man with serious issues that his wife can never fix and shouldnt even try... And as angry, hurt, and upset that I am... The real victim of this is our daughter. Who never asked to be here, but was brought her by two young kids, who THOUGHT they were in love... who THOUGHT they knew best...

Damn.. how do I fix this

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on May. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • I've been through this for before. Feel free to private message me since I don't really want to open up about it here.

    Answer by amberdawnbarr at 9:48 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • Ok... First Spice or Salvia or whatever it is illegal for military members. He can get discharged for that ....if he is doing it. Also he can get kicked out if he gets caught using narcotics not prescribed to him.

    If he is stealing meds...he needs to go see mental health and turn himself in...he could avoid a lot of trouble that way.

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 9:49 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • Would he agree to see a counsler about what is going on?

    Answer by momoftaterbug at 9:50 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • I just texted him. I told him we need to do counciling. Seperately and together. he said ok. I just texted him asking if he would start his tomorrow... he never texted back. He is hesitant to talk about his issues. He has a lot of ...issues. The war... His mom leaving him as a baby... Tons of things.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:52 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • He needs help. It means treatment. He should not be protected. The military could help him if they were aware. This is especially true since it initially started as a result of an injury. Get him help before he is dead or in jail.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:54 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • He said he will call tomorrow and see when the next opening is... we have talked about this before... It basically means "sure whatever you say" and then do whatever he wants..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:54 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • I know this has go to be hard for you. Your head knows what's right, your heart isn't listening. While your husband is under the influence of narcotics he's not the man you first met. He is the drugs he's taking. Unless and until he gets clean and sober again you should not believe a thing he says.

    If he's in the military you can either go to his 1st Sgt, his Commander, or to the unit's Chaplain and voice your concerns, your suspicions, and what you know. Your conversation with the Chaplain is most likely going to be kept confidential, as best as the Chaplain can keep it.

    If you want to work this out and make things work between you he needs to get sober first. I'm guessing that this started after he got hit by that IED. This may be his way of coping with PTSD.


    Answer by Rosehawk at 10:00 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • Yes... He was doing coke in Iraq on his first tour before we ever met. It was after taking lives... druing the IED, and after his tour ended. When we met, and I told him i was strickly ANTI drugs, he quit cocaine- cold turkey. He was completely sober to my knowledge up until the vicodin incident.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:02 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • My ex husband is also military and did the same thing. He chose his addictions over family so I left. Now I am gonna marry the coolest guy on earth and my daughter is all the better for it. Good luck and message me if u like.

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 10:12 PM on May. 8, 2011

  • He texted " i have already been there and I told you. They said that we dont need to seek further cousiling. we need to figure this out"

    .. I replied " If you dont seek help, then Im done"

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:15 PM on May. 8, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.