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Help with a 12 turning 13 year old

my ex has primary care of our 12 yr old I see her every mon& wed for a couple of hours, and every Fri/sat.. plus hoildays. moms day she told me at 4pm she wanted to go home early I was only going to have her 2 more hours & wanted to eat out she told me as she cried she had been bored all day + she had been in a bad mood all day. I was very upset all she thinks about herself. I am tried of fighting with her & don't know what to do. she doesn't seem to want to visit me

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maiahlynn

Asked by maiahlynn at 8:08 AM on May. 9, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,143 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • At that age it is pretty hard because they have their own friends and are finding their own likes and dislikes. I remember sitting in court one day and a family fighting over their dd who was the same age and a judge told them to grab as much time as they could at this point because at that age it was close to being over. And he was right. I have two grown and by 14-15 they want their own things. I would also wonder if maybe there isnt something going on at dads. Is there a history of bad mouthing>? Is he telling her negative things about you? Those would all come into play.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:11 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • yeah.. its hard and I am in the same situation (not the same custody arrangement) and its hard.. she's growing up and we mom's well. we don't know much (according to a teenager). Stick it out, stay by her and respect her wishes but have her respect yours as well. Say something like well we have until X PM and that's what we are doing. You can have friends visit with her if she'd like... but that is the time you guys have together so ... she can deal. She will be angry and bored.. oh gosh a bored teenager -- lol oh well. She will also get over it. It's about being available to her whether she likes it or not. Good luck!
    Camilletnt

    Answer by Camilletnt at 8:15 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • yes her dad always would call me crazy, stupid to her & sometimes tell her she was like me. yes in the last year she mocks me, is sarcastic and sometimes just mean.. she gets like this to her step mom as well
    maiahlynn

    Comment by maiahlynn (original poster) at 8:31 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • We have a friend in a similar situation. My daughter is friends with her and her mom often invites my daughter when she takes her daughter out. Have you tried taking her out with one of her friends? Do you plan what to do or do you ask her what she wants to do? Kids are very much always thinking of themselves at this age. Doesn't make things easy for parents.

    JSD24

    Answer by JSD24 at 9:46 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • welcome to the wonders of teenagers......i have 2 (13,15) ......doesnt sound like she doing anything other than being a teenager.....just hang in there and keep trying to get thur......somedays are good some days are bad.....but it all works out in the end.....
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 9:51 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • she asked to leave to eat out with her dads family not a friend , but yes I have offered for her to bring her friends along with our visits.. I normally ask her what she wants to do but she is not my only child I have three others.. so I have her & my 8 year take turns deciding.. but considering it was mothers day I thought I would decide what we are doing.. oh & when i ask her what she wants to do 90% of the time I get I don't care, tv, or nothing.. but when I plan something she doesn't want to corporate she is selfish sometimes.
    maiahlynn

    Comment by maiahlynn (original poster) at 10:08 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • do you remember when you were that age??!!
    auggirl11

    Answer by auggirl11 at 11:54 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • Try to be patient, don't take it too personally. At that age, even without negative input from the other parent, teens (especially girls) can be very challenging. Remember, under all that attitude, she still loves you, and she is still trying to find out who she is. Don't accept rude behavior, but don't force her to be with you. If you can manage a few private moments with her during visits, this could rebuild your relationship. Even 5 minutes, when she will KNOW she has your undivided attention. Enlist the oldest of your other 3 kids to supervise the 2 littlest, while they watch something they enjoy on TV. During this time, your DD & you can do something together (ex: work on a scrapbook, journalling memories from good times when she was little; play mix & match with her clothes - whatever will engage her). Use this time to talk, but mostly to listen.

    1on1 time with each kid always makes them feel special. GL :-)
    ss_mom

    Answer by ss_mom at 12:40 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I was still playing with dolls at 12.. I didn't get the leave me alone I hate you phase until 16 years old....
    maiahlynn

    Comment by maiahlynn (original poster) at 12:47 PM on May. 9, 2011

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