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2 Bumps

What would you suggest?(might get long--sorry)

Here's the deal--yesterday was going OK just like any other day nothing special happening even though it was Mother's Day; so anyhow my son received a crystal from one of his friends from school on Friday, husband saw it on the counter yesterday and instead of asking my son or I whose it was or what it was he just threw it in the trash--which in turn upset my oldest.

So I was helping him look through the trash container and my husband with his hot temper came out and started dumping the trash all over the kitchen and yelling and screaming crap at my son and I. So I ended up having to clean up that mess also.

My question is husband has a very hot temper and flies off the handle all the time over the littlest things and won't let them go; but is always telling me that I need to let things go and not dwell on things. What would you do or say; I have found that I have to tread carefully around him and pick my battles or things get nasty--he even threw a sharp knife at me yesterday in his fit of rage, and stabbed it into the wall.

Am not sure as to what to do because I have no place to go and no one to turn to and can't get any help from anyone. I am a stay at home mom and have no money of my own to do anything. Please no bashing or negativity I just need some answers. Thank you

 
Christmaslver68

Asked by Christmaslver68 at 8:27 AM on May. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 47 (254,089 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • What your husband is doing is called ABUSE! Throwing a knife at you? THAT is a deadly weapon! Would you have excused this behavior from a total stranger, or had them arrested for assault? Think about what your children are witnessing; do you want them to grow up thinking their dad's behavior is normal, & you doing NOTHING about it is acceptible? They look to YOU to protect them, & how are you doing that by subjecting them to your bully husbands temper tantrums? Better yet, WHY do you tolerate this abuse towards yourself? Your husband has no respect for you or he would NOT treat you like this! Until you show him you wont tolerate his abuse, he will NEVER respect you. STOP being the victim by making excuses why you cant do anything about it, & allowing your children to be innocent victims. As for the mess the bully left on the floor? I'd be damned if I'd clean it up; the bully would, or he'd walk over it until hell froze over.
    RubyinPA

    Answer by RubyinPA at 8:40 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • There are plenty or organizations all over the USA for abused women, so stop making excuses as to why you cant do anything. You dont want to do anything because you dont want to leave your home. That's understandable, but still no reason to continue allowing your husband to abuse you. And NO, his behavior is NOT due to "just a bad day at work". How many men throw knives at their wives & dump garbage all over the floor, just because they have a "bad day at work"? The fact that you walk on eggshells around your husband tells me you're afraid of him. Is that really the kind of marriage you planned for, a marriage you want your children to see, & the way you want to spend the rest of your life? Agencies for abused women will help you with getting financial help, child support, a home etc. Your husband needs help, & that wont happen until you become proactive in helping yourself & your children.
    RubyinPA

    Answer by RubyinPA at 8:49 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • you need to find somewhere to go... get out! this is not healthy for you or your children.
    dramaMama407

    Answer by dramaMama407 at 8:34 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • your kind of like me..if i needed help, i really don't have anybody or have anywhere to go. If it was myself, maybe i would but not with 4 kids. You could call Hands of Hope.

    Your husband just seems like he doesnt want to be wrong about something so he throws fits when your trying to correct it
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 8:34 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • no, hottblkguy, she said it happens all the time, its not a one day thing.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 8:37 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • Wow!! I am so sorry, it hurt me just to read your story. Have you and your husband tried counceling? It sounds like he needs some anger management training, if he would agree to it. It is terrible that there are children in the house to see this. I know you said you do not have anyone, is there some family somewhere that will be helpful and supportive? Do you have a church? I know that you are in a tough spot, no job, no money. But, don't let that stop you from saving yourself and your children!!! Check around your community for help. You have to do it not only for you, but your children! I will be thinking about you and praying for you!!
    AngieBry

    Answer by AngieBry at 9:17 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • First thing I must say... Children learn what the live!!! What do you want your son to learn?

    Your husband is escalating and he will hurt you it is only a matter of time before he lays his hands on you if he hasn't already. It is time for him to get help or for you to take your children and leave. Do you want your children to learn that it is okay to be abusive to women both verbally and physically. Or do you want them to learn that even if life is hard that women will protect their children and start fresh. Even if it is an up hill battle.

    I hope you find your strength to make the right choice for you.
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 9:30 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • i know it might be scary. but if you honestly don't think you have anywhere to go..have you looked into a women's shelter. they specialize in things like you're describing. they help you find a job..all kinds of stuff.
    but check your rescources...if ya open up to a close friend or family member you might be surprised. i'm a stay at home step parent. we've had our "tiffs" but i will NEVER let anyone believe that I have nowhere to go.
    have you discussed this with your husband...suggested counseling for him. sometimes that can work. he needs to learn to behave rationally!
    SarahM.1983

    Answer by SarahM.1983 at 9:32 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • rare occasions can counseling work, though. he has to RECOGNIZE his behavior and WANT to change it!!
    SarahM.1983

    Answer by SarahM.1983 at 9:34 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • I know leaving is hard it takes alot of strength but maybe call family or ur mom and tell her what's going on and to come and get you and the kids. I would not stay what happens next time he throws a knife and doesn't miss? Are you ready for that to happen? I think if he gets that mad he's crazy I wouldn't want to be hurt or killed in front of my kids. YOu really need to think things thru and leave when he's at work if you have access to the bank account and the car who cares if the bills or what have you get paid that is his problem. I don't agree with you leaving the mess that would only make things worse for you. I feel like once he's done with you he'll turn to the kids. Please figure something out to move or get away and once you do change ur and the kids names have no contact
    chica679

    Answer by chica679 at 9:41 AM on May. 9, 2011