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Have you ever seen people struggle?

Well my Mom and three siblings are struggling! My Mom works really hard and is 64. My younger sisters give her a hard time. Well the 29 year old works but the 25 year old insists she needs all this work done to make her teeth perfect before getting off her ass and finding a job. I know it is hard in this economy but she has not even looked! She sits at home moping around, hardly cleaning and my brother, (39), has aphasia but he works with my Mom.
I am tired off the fact that one is so lazy and won't get off her @$$ to do anything! Then there is the fact my Mom is 64 again.
She asked to come live with me, but my brother has aphasia and it is a package deal. And my DH won't want to let her come live with us. Because then my siblings think they can just show up. We would not have any control over who thinks they can just show up knocking on our front door. My Mom and brother are always welcome by my DH. But my sisters aren't. All I can do is face the fact my DH does not want to be left taking care of two grown lazy women.
I don't know how to help! I don't have money to give away and they are trying to live in a way beyond their means. It has been hard since my Dad passed last year.
And they live beyond their means still. My younger sister likes to go out and spend money. My youn gest sister sits at home moping, and daydreaming. Their two cell phone bills come to $200.00, because they have the 4G with internet and use it all the time.
I think they need to let certain things go to have their bills lowered.
But still I worry about them. Yet they have things I don't have.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on May. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Well your mom is a grown woman and has allowed this situation to happen. I would sit and talk to her about your concerns and what you see, and maybe it will open her eyes. Odds are she already sees it herself. It is up to her to change the situation and stop enabling if that is what she is doing. All you can do is bring it up.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:11 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • looks like the only one struggling is your mom. she is well-aware of the bed she's made. if she doesn't fix the problem herself, it won't get fixed.
    you cannot feel guilty one bit about your sisters, or even your mom's situation. they are all adults, capable of making life happen for themselves. let them.
    i'm with your dh on this. i wouldn't want to support ''two grown lazy women'', either!
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:14 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • I would tell your Mom the Sisters go, they are both adults, and need to be on their own. She has enough to do with taking care of your Brother. What's going to happen if your Mom can't take care of your Brother? Are you taking him in? It's obvious that your Sisters aren't responsible enough to do so.
    Tell your Mom to get her affairs in order, get the girls out, and then you can help out. Otherwise I'm afraid you're just going to have to let it go, and tell her that you will be there if she needs you to help out with your Brother..
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:15 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • Is your mom paying for these extras for the sisters? If so I think she needs to stop. If they want these things they should pay for them also I think since they are adults they need to pay mom rent or move out. I know it may be hard for your mom to do, but I think some tough love is in order. They are adults and need to act like adults. Parents should not have to support kids well into their 20's and almost 30's esp. if there is nothing medically wrong with them. They need to get jobs, even if it is a job that they may not like, it gets you on to the next better job. We all have had to work up the ladder and work thru things. Your mom is enabling them by not making them pay rent and putting herself in a bad position. Tell her you will help her and support her though this but she really must do this for her own survival!
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 11:04 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • All the times
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 12:51 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • You mention "lazy" but laziness may be a symptom of an undiagnosed physical or emotional disorder. You father passed & your family may be falling apart without him. Your mother may be glad for the company & distraction. My husband had congenital Wolfe Parkinson White Syndrome & never knew why he had trouble running and doing things requiring sustained physical stamina. He wasn't diagnosed until he was 53. I always thought he was rather lazy too but the lazy behavior had become his way of coping with it (not bending down to pick up a sock but retrieving it with his toe and flinging it into the air to catch). Bottom line however, is that you are not responsible for your sisters' lives. Don't have Mom come live with you, it will be a stress on you that you can't appreciate in advance. If Mom must come live with you, set boundaries such as she must go to visit the sisters at their home. Breathe & focus on your life w/DH
    flightless

    Answer by flightless at 3:59 PM on May. 9, 2011

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