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Not attracted anymore??

Well, as much as I love my DH, Im afraid Im losing my attraction to him. Since we met almost 8 years ago, he has put on about 60lbs. He was like 17 when we met, and around 160lbs...tall and lean and great body. He is now around 220. He isnt "fat" , he has alot of muscle,but he is getting a belly. It would not bother me as much if I didnt think its because he goes to work, comes home, sits infront of his playstation from 4:30 til midnight, only stopping to eat and use the bathroom.He used to be active, but now he just plays that damn game, which I resent so much. I walk by him, sitting there in his boxers, glued to the tv, belly hanging out and I shudder.I know that we all usually gain weight as we get older, its part of life, but even after 2 kids-one only being 5 weeks old, I am still only 5lbs heavier than when we met. Ive tried to maintain my figure for him, to keep his interested. Now, without hurting his feelings, what are some ideas on how to approach him about this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on May. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I would first talk to him about his need to be in front of the TV when you have 2 children to care for TOGETHER and he needs to stop that first.. then you can talk about the weight thing or it will help if you go out and do more family things

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:05 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • I would start planning activities for the family to do, so he can spend less time on there, but you also need to tell him that he needs to lighten up on playing the video game everyday for his family

    Answer by ttk2 at 11:25 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • I think a date night is in order. Leave the kiddies home and remember why you fell in love with him in the first place. Not trying to be mean or cruel but are you the same person he fell in love with? Plan family activities during the weekend. Maybe hes bored. Open communication is the key.

    Answer by Rsangel64 at 11:30 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • Just tell him you aren't into lard-assed couch potatoes so he better get his butt moving if he's going to keep your interest.

    What? Guys say that shit all the time! What's good for the goose is good for the big fat gander.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:35 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • It sounds to me like it is his behavior (childish addiction to video games) that is fueling your disgust with his appearance. He needs to place limits on his game playing and become more of a partner to you. However, you have to realize, most of us loose that teen hard-body as we get older. Working a job and sheer exhaustion can cause us to put on weight that just didn't happen as teens. It takes a change in eating habits when you approach 30 because no one can eat what they did in high school and stay the same weight.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:08 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Lol, no Im not the same person he fell in love with...I was 14 then-now I have boobs and a butt! lol Its not his personality that Im having trouble with, its his appearance, he is otherwise a very attractive man, nice strong arms, nice muscular back, gorgeous face- My dad calls him GQ- but at risk of sounding shallow since I make the effort to keep up my appearance, his weight gain in the stomach area is bothering me. There arent very many things for us to do around here to stay active that dont require spending LOTS of money. We have a movie theater, and casinos. Thats it. And a movie theater doesnt do much good.I mentioned that our son would probably LOVE it if he would take him outside and play ball. He said that was a good idea, but hasnt done it. We had gym memberships, but cancelled them since we dont use them. I excersise at home. Thats what I want him to do.But I dont know how to bring it up.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:14 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Yes, if he were making the effort to stay healthy, or active then I dont think it would bother me as much. It is that he sits infront of that game, eating junk-that I DO NOT buy, he does, that bothers me. He is 23, so while age may play a factor, I think if he were more active he wouldnt have any trouble.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:16 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • well make it happend...

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 12:51 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • You both were so young to commit without experiencing life as single adults. He works & provides for children. You guys must see friends w/out kids who have the freedom you no longer have. I would consider it a positive thing that your DH is home & not out w/ buddies. If you shudder when viewing your DH (a muscular, attractive guy), you don't desire him anymore & HE KNOWS IT. Your focus on his belly is serving as the object of your disdain when it may be another issue - resentment that he can relax & you can't, or you may suffer from body morphic disorder yourself & resent that he doesn't. His video gaming may be a necessary distraction for his emotional survival. Value him for more than his physical attributes - you will value this same trait in him later on. You need to explore the reason behind your revulsion of him. I think it's the dynamics in your relationship after children enter the mix - he's checked out.

    Answer by flightless at 3:40 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Well, most of our friends have young children, and those who do not have grandchildren. So that isn't the issue. We commmited young, but neither of us wanted the single life. You are right, I do resent his ability to relax when I cannot and I do have deep self esteem issues, which is why I am sensitive towards how i approach this. I just feel that since I work hard to stay attractive for him, I wish he'd do the same.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:42 PM on May. 9, 2011

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