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On Saturday, i took my daughter to see her grandmother, we haven't seen her and her daughter in like a long time cause she is the type of person that you can't be around all the time (she drinks alot and says alot inappropriate things around kids) so that's why we don't hang out there, any she ask me to come visit. It was mother's day weekend so why not and she moved to an area that's like walking distance to a town center with alot of outside eatery. So we get to her place and when i first walk in over the fire place is still the box that contains my daughter's father ashes, he has been gone for like 11yrs now, me and her had a fallen out a couple of years ago, she tried to call me out on his death and i never cussed at her before but it bought me to tears. I ask her when are you going to buy a urn for the ashes and she starts to laugh and say I know, then she says that she was thinking of taking a disney cruise for x-mas and scatter the ashes in the ocean, i was like you need to talk to my daughter about that she is old enough to have some say so, I'm already upset that she cremated him and he doesn't have a burial site to go to.

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Asked by ttk2 at 11:14 AM on May. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,952 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • you guys weren't married? That would have had the final say in what happens to his body. That must be hard for sorry!

    Did you ask her if your DD can have a say in what happens to his ashed? Or were you just thinking that in your head?

    Your DD might want to keep some of the ashes. I would talk to your DD about it, see how she feels...then relay the information to her grandmother & see what she says. All you can do is make a proposal...if she gets bent out of shape, just drop it but let her know that your DD is his direct blood....and that she should have some respect for her because of that.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:19 AM on May. 9, 2011

  • We were engaged, but never made it and yes i did say she should discuss it with my DD before she makes a decision

    Comment by ttk2 (original poster) at 11:28 AM on May. 9, 2011


    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 12:49 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • "She tried to call me out on his death" sounds like his mother blames you in some way for her son's death. If MIL (I know you weren't married) dislikes you, she will try to bad mouth you to your daughter if given the chance. My MIL never liked me, banned me from her house for 4 yrs before I married her son, & her toxicity affected our children. After 17 yrs of her abuse, I severed ties. She was verbally abusive, drove them after drinking alcohol, tried to usurp my authority, demeaned my character, showed up drunk at my house demanding that we wake up our 1 mo old baby for her friend to see (& DH actually did this). She left a legacy of damage in her wake. Although your DD's father is gone, you can keep his memory alive by recounting positive memories of him to her. His ashes or even a burial site can't accomplish this & it seems that MIL is toxic. Be grateful you were spared her venom all these years.

    Answer by flightless at 2:41 PM on May. 9, 2011

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