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4 Bumps

Confidence Level Torched, What Now? adult content

So the sex life was getting kind of samey after 12 years, so I figured I'd check around for some ideas to spice things up. A number of sources (including you lovely ladies here) suggested putting on some sexy lingerie and heels and doing a little striptease for the man. Well okay then! So I bought a wisp of chiffon and some stilettos, found some nice "strippin' tunes", changed the sheets, lit some candles, sent the kids to Grandma's for the night and sent DH a text telling him to expect a nice surprise. And I met him in the bedroom all dolled up in my new items, cranked up the tunes and did my very best approximation of what I observed while doing YouTube research on stripping. After five or ten minutes, I happened to glance at his face. He was turning purple trying not to laugh at me! I stopped "dancing" and just stared at him in shock. "I'm sorry baby! You just look ridiculous! That outfit..." and he dissolved into helpless laughter again. "..I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I can't help it, you just look so hilarious!"

So then I did something I couldn't help doing...I burst into tears, ran into the bathroom and cried for like two hours. I ripped up the lingerie and threw it in the trash along with the shoes.

I am absolutely mortified. I don't even want to face him! And it'll be a cold day in hell before I ever try anything like that again!

How do I even begin to discuss this with him? I know he didn't mean to crush my feelings, but at this point I have zero self-confidence and no ideas on how to change that!


Asked by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on May. 9, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I will share the best suggestion I have.

    When wanting to spice things up.Talk to him. Find out what HE finds sexy, what HE finds to be a turn on, what HIS fantasies are..etc..Doing something that turns him on, that he enjoys will most likely receive a completely different response than just taking the suggestions of strangers. Stripping, lingerie, heels, role play, toys,etc.are ALL wonderful fun things. However, if you or your partner aren't into them, they will not be comfortable much less fun and enjoyable. Also.Comfort level is of the utmost importance. When picking lingerie, pick something you feel comfortable with, that is just as important as they "sexy" value of the piece of lingerie itself. Rule of thumb.If you aren't comfortable wearing it or doing it. It will not be sexy it will be awkward.

    As I always state. The BEST way to spice of the bedroom is good, open, honest, safe sexual communication between partners.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 6:21 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Next step, put on old sweats, a tattered t-shirt and try to act all goofy with him one night. just dance funny until you both laugh your hearts out and remember why you love eachother so much..

    Sorry being super sexy didn't work, that sucks.. what a dork!

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 12:32 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Any man that looks at you and laughs like that isnt worth keeping! Im a big girl.... Not too big LOL but im a bigger then alot of ladies, and I dont have to do much of anything to get my man going. But if I dont something like that.... that would drive him crazy!!!! Not sure whats going on with your man but id find a new one! Sorry hun :(

    Answer by jmgblair10 at 12:23 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Im sorry He Was Like that Ma ...

    Hang in there ...

    Answer by PrissyT at 12:23 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Wow... ouch! I bet you did you best, you where trying to look sexy. Take a big deep breath and go talk to him. I know it's embrassing, but you got to do it, other wise i'm guessing, like me it will be edged into your memory...and you'll be wondering if your sexy at all.
    "When you laughed at me I felt so mortified..i tried so hard to look good for you and be sexy."

    Answer by madamlinwe at 12:24 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Let me relate a story my SO shared with me once; One day his ex tried to spice things up between them and she did what you did. She got some feathery lingerie and tried to surprise him with dance in the bedroom. He had the same reaction. He told me that it wasn't her at all, he just had never found that type of lingerie appealing at all. He had never gone to a strip club in his life and was embarrassed by it in fact. I explained to him how much she had tried to spice things up between them, trying to please him and what he did was so wrong. He agreed with me whole heartedly, and regretted what he had done, but it had always bothered him that she never knew him well enough to know that was never what he found appealing. He wished if she wanted to please him that way, she might have asked what he found sexy first, then went with that. He has his own turn-on's and kinks, ones that I know and use. Still, what he did was wrong.

    Answer by pinwheel at 12:42 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • group hugWow, there is something wrong with that man. I'd tell him that you're bored sexually and he needs to fix it since he won't get help from you anymore. That was just mean spirited of him.


    Answer by admckenzie at 12:32 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • What a turd!

    Big hugs Momma!

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:22 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • im sorry  Sending hugs your way


    Answer by wendydays at 12:27 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • some men like natural sex . It happend to me with a eatable candy gel. he look at me and he say no...

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 12:36 PM on May. 9, 2011