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3 Bumps

Sick, sick, SICK of other babies born in the family being more important than mine!

On my side of the family:

I was the 4th grandbaby born, and was born to my gma's youngest daughter. Gma never forgets MY birthday. I am the only grandchild of hers that had children and was married.

Why on EARTH do my children continue to be thought of less often, taken fewer places, and called less often?? It just comes across to me that my gma feels like her other 5 take precedence over mine. Two belong to a cousin that is bipolar and very unstable, no father figure, one belongs to a cousin whose ex-fiance was killed in Afghanistan last year (she was so caught up with the ex the baby daddy left) two belong to another cousin, which one she doesn't have custody of due to prior drug problems, the second caught meningicocemia at 6mos old, now 2 1/2, still having surgeries. Comes across to me that she feels like she has to make up to the kids for their parents' mistakes, and since we don't ask her for money, or run away and dump our kids on her for two weeks while we drive to Mexico on money we don't have, and that my children have a great relationship with both me and my husband, that she doesn't have to check in or say happy bday, merry Christmas. I hate that because we're not a mole on her ass that we don't count!!

Also, Dh's gma made a 6hr drive to sit for 2 days in a hospital waiting for Dh's cousin's wife to deliver their second. We live 2 hrs from her, and our oldest is two, and shes never met him. We finally quit asking her to visit, or if we were in her area, she makes excuses not to be home.

Even our church made a huge deal about this baby. They are very well-off, given every advantage from the day they were born, the church had 5 BABY SHOWERS for them! And our congregation is an average about 2700/service. Our babies didn't even merit a congratulations announcement in the program. We did my first Ds' baby dedication the same day as their first dd, and my Ds was in 11 of the 35 pictures posted on the wall, 4 by himself.

I am just starting to feel like we just need to cut ties. I'm not sure it is worth even bringing to their attention, as I don't want to be the desperate mom trying to get her kids noticed, but I do care when we show up to functions, and people they are equal in relation to don't treat them the same!

Any advice to help ease this would be appreciated.

 
matobe

Asked by matobe at 1:36 PM on May. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,174 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • wow mama thats hard. if i were you i just wouldnt think twice. when your kids grow up and graduate with honors then go to college and go on to do amazing things you and Dh will know it was because of you two. not because of anyone else. if no one else wants to take part in them and notice what a blessing they are then thats their loss!!!
    aschwarz06

    Answer by aschwarz06 at 1:40 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Maybe she sees that you and your DH provide a loving stable home for you kids, and the others might need her attention more? You will 100% insure that your children are disconnected if you break ties with you grandma,, I would be grateful to have my husband and a happy healthy family,, all of the rest would be a bonus...please don't fret too much on this, sounds like your GMA has ALOT of people pulling at her
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:57 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • They are important to you and your dh. Accept the fact that they are not as important to anyone else. I say this because my own mother, who I miss every single day of my life, rarely did anything for my children but always did for my sister's children. when I finally asked her why her response was "because you always manage to do for yours, your sisters struggle". That's just my experience.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 1:58 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I don't have any good advice on how to get this to change or how to have it bother you less, I just wanted to say that the way your children feel about the situation will depend a lot on how you show them you feel. If everytime Gma doesn't come to something you are right there pointing it out and counting what was done for your kids versus their cousins, then your children will definitely notice. If you are hurt and offended, your children are more likely to be hurt and offended. If you take the high road then your children are more likely to take the high road. If you are sure to point out that this is not because your children aren't good enough, but rather because their relatives are selfish or caught up in their own world and their own drama, your children will see that. How you address the issue will help determine how they feel, and if it's not pointed out to them they may not even notice the differences. Good luck.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:59 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Why do you so desperately need their attention? These people sound toxic. Cut them out of your life (or at least limit your exposure to them) and move on. I have so "been there, done that".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Why do you care about what other people do or not do for your children? The most important thing is for them to have a good relationship with you and your dh and to be loved unconditionally by you. You make every occasion and milestone special, even if no one else wants to share it with you. They are the ones missing out on knowing your children. In my opinion, whoever doesn't want to be a part of my child's life or give her the attention she deserves... it's their loss.
    Ashoonik

    Answer by Ashoonik at 1:49 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I just don't want my children to feel discounted. Or like they aren't as important... because, like me, they WILL notice one day. And I also can't spoil my kids to make up for the fact their family has less interest. That lil girl will graduate the same year as my first. Their second will also with my second. Whose graduation will they choose to attend? That HURTS.
    matobe

    Comment by matobe (original poster) at 1:50 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • My kids get nothing and are lucky if my mom sends them cards its hard but sometimes people like this have to go from your life. Toxic hurts. My brother gets everything because my mom does not believe he can do it himself and does what she thinks she has to to make it up. Keep thinking people do not always get things because its a good thing. I have learned from watching my mom and dad they never give because they know my kids have it already and are afraid my brothers will not do it right.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:53 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • So i have the same problem, I gave birth to the first grandson and yet no card or even a present on his birthday. As much as you want your children to be given some kind of attention of thier own you also have to realize that in the end they dont need attention from those that are just not interested in them. that is negative attention. when my son started noticing that his sister would get more attention from grandma, I told him o feel free to ask why not me? This way, it will put them on the spot and it is quit hard to lie to a child face. I know that you want your children to feel important. but they are. you and your husband is all the attention they will need. just remember, it is everyone else lost for not being interested in your childrens life
    mamaprincess001

    Answer by mamaprincess001 at 2:06 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • "Whose graduation will they choose to attend?"

    If it's anything like the graduations in my area, they won't be able to attend EITHER... the schools are so darned crowded that its parents only.... and most of the schools schedule on different nights so they don't interfere with each other.

    But you've got years before you think about that, and consider the possibility that grandma may be dead and buried by the time graduation rolls around. Don't borrow trouble, especially not long in advance.

    I think Mary really hit it on the head for you.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:55 PM on May. 9, 2011