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2 Bumps

:::::::Mother IN law question.:::::::

My mother in law has a constant comment about me and my child... It is her first grandchild. I feel like she does not understand me at alll.. I am never myself around her because she drives me nuts and I feel like I have to constantly defend myself. She always has a smart mouth thing to say about how I take care of our child. Its irritating. I can't wait for my husbands other siblings to get their lives together and get married and have children so she can focus on someone elses child!!! She wants us to visit every single weekend. I like to have my weekends at home. She is always asking us to come up and spend the weekend. Every other weekend. Either that or she will come down and hour and 30 from where she lives to come stay. She won't leave us alone or should I say me alone. My husband doesn't stick up for me. It just starts stuff with him and I when I don't want to spend the weekend or I want to stay home. I think that she thinks I like visiting her more than I really do. How can I just tell her I feel this way? It is eating me alive should I write her a letter in the kindest way possible that I need/ we need our space. Before If he wanted to go up to see his family He would go on a Friday night and I would stay the weekend at home by myself which was fine. But now that we have our daughter he won't leave us behind. What do I do? I am thinking of writing it all down. What do you think? Will this ever end.. Will it take having more children to get her to understand we want to stay home!?!?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:01 PM on May. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Do you work? I am thinking it would be a good excuse if you could tell her you guys need time at home on wkends since you are always gone during the week. Maybe you could tell her you are thrilled they want to be involved with grandbaby but you may have to limit it to once a month since you and your hubby dont have much time together during the week. Not sure if this excuse would work well for you or not. I do think its best to say you are happy about her involvement but try to set up some boundaries. She may be more receptive.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 2:06 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Put the shoe on the other foot and pretend that he felt this way about your mother. DO NOT tell him that he is not sticking up for you, because that's his mother and that will come back to haunt you LOL! Remember, this is her first grandchild. She is just over-eager about being a grandmother, that is all. And you are right, you need your space! More children will only make it worse, so that's not the answer. The answer is that you have to set limits. Just figure out how many weekends you are willing to visit, one? two? and tell everyone that is it. Then get ready for the world to fall on your head! Seriously, marriage is all about compromise, so you have to sit down and figure out with your husband how to figure it out. Let her comments roll off of your back. Just tell yourself that she misses having little ones. Or something. Try to go along to get along, because its not that serious and you want your kids to have a grandma!
    dwmom2008

    Answer by dwmom2008 at 2:06 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • just sit and talk to them both , tell them how you feel , because no matter what any one person says the more you get mad and keep it bottled inside its not good because your child feels every emotion you do wether you think they do or not , the afression you feel towards her can harm both you and your childs relation shio your MIL and yours future relation ship and your DH and yours relationship , I WOULD SAY SOMETHING , even if you sugar coated it a little instead of telling the full blown truth it would be better to get the basics off your mind then nothing at all
    HavensMommy731

    Answer by HavensMommy731 at 2:19 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • He needs to step up. He has a wife and child now. He shouldn't be leaving you to "go to visit" his mom anyways. If that was the cse then why didnt he just keep the "string tied" and stay with mom instead of being an adult.

    Mom wants to clearly be apart of the G'child... but everyother weekend and degrading up is not right. Visiting as a family once a month and doing the whole family get togethers should be enough, not her living and controlling your home everyother wkend.

    I'd again say something to hubby first then if she didnt understand it from him, then the next time in MY HOME I WOULD TELL HER. I dont appreciate the way you talk/treat me and would prefer respect and once a month visits, we do have things to do on wkends too.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 2:26 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • just sit down and tell him that you feel there is no need to spend every freakin weekend visiting and staying at his mothers. you have things to do, and you want family time with just you three. and if doesn't agree with you, then let him go by himself. i think i would no sooner die if i had to go every weekend to see my ex-mil. that is just horrible really.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 2:46 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • This is my biggest fear when we have a child. All my MIL talks about is "when I have my grandbaby" this or that. She talks about she is going to quit working on the weekends and come get it on Fridays. I'm thinking, there is no need for all of that!!! We want to spend time with our child too and what better time than the weekend. You have got to get this under control. Just start saying, NO!!! We're not coming because I don't want to. If he wants to see his mommie so bad then he can go.
    Ttcbabyclegg

    Answer by Ttcbabyclegg at 2:55 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Just start saying no. I may be a little much, but I would tell my husband, you tell her no nicely, or I will find another way to say no. Put your foot down. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one's going to do it for you.
    kidnappedbylove

    Answer by kidnappedbylove at 3:36 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • One word...compromise! Talk to him and then the two of talk to her. Do not attack him about his mother that is the worst way to go about it. Come up with some compromises and share them with her.
    buzymamaof3

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 3:39 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I agree that you need to make some compromises with your dh so that you both get what you want, and then the two of you will need to stand up for the agreements you have made. For example, is it ok to see her every other weekend, or one weekend a month? What can you live with? If she is only 90 minutes away couldn't you drive up just for the day on Saturday or Sunday but have the other half of the weekend at home by yourselves? I really think you and DH need to get on the same page to present a united front to her. She has to understand that she can't spend every weekend with you, that's just too much. As for her comments, I think you just have to learn to ignore it, come up with a patented reply like "that's an interesting thought" or something to go against her comments and don't get into confrontations with her over your choices, you are the mother and you get to decide and don't have to defend it to her. Good luck!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:45 PM on May. 9, 2011

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