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2 Bumps

I am looking for suggestions please.....this will be a little long

I was wondering if anyone would be able to give me some suggestions on where to start with the issue of not desiring sex. This is really taking a toll on our relationship. It all started almost 8 years ago when they removed one of my ovaries during a laporoscopy due to a cyst inside the ovary that had split it open.

I have noticed a very steady decline in my desire for sex and it pretty much became non-existent after I had our DD 3 years ago. I just want to get my desire for activity back with my SO. It is really making him feel like he is less than desirable to me, which is not the case. This issue is all me.

Is there anything that I can do to get my desire back? Do I need to look at supplements that work as HRT (hormone replacement therapy)? BTW I don't have sufficient insurance to actually go to the Dr. over this it is only major medical.

Any suggestions would be more than helpful and I would be willing to try just about anything to make him happy. He doesn't want me to just have sex with him b/c I feel obligated to do so, he wants me to desire having sex. I also want to point out that I am not worried that he would go elsewhere for sex b/c he is not that kind of person--he has been cheated on in the past and doesn't want anyone to ever feel that kind of pain.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on May. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Have you had your hormone levels checked?
    HRT most likely is not needed since you still have 1 ovary

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 3:28 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Well I think we all have had sex with our guys even if we didn't feel like it. We just don't tell them that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Sorry you are feeling this way. I would suggest talking to a Doctor but its understandable if you can not afford that. This is tough. All I can say is just try, make an evening out of it with just you two, give each other a massage, relax yourself, have your dh give you oral to warm you up & lay & enjoy it... and just take baby steps of making each other feel good. I know this must be real hard so here is a bump for more suggestions for you & GL.

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 3:30 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • You may want to talk to your doctor about a hormone regimen. Since one of your ovaries is gone you may be missing some estrogen or something.

    But sometimes these things can be completely mental. Try just convincing yourself to do it. Sometimes if you push yourself to initiate it more you will "trick" your mind and body into thinking "oh yeah! this is a good idea!". I read a few studies about that and women after chemo for breast cancer. The only way they could get into it is to just do it and to be the one to initiate it (even if they weren't really in the mood). The opposite effect can happen when their partners tried to initiate it though- almost like a defensive thing.

    Answer by meandrphoto at 3:31 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Have you tried any sex toys or the warming lubricants that they have now? Maybe that would help. If you get things started do you get in the mood then, or do you not even enjoy the deed at all? Sometimes a woman is not in the mood but if she forces herself to get into the forplay then things will take over from there. I think there are testosterone creams you can use but that would have to come from a doctor. Good luck, I hope you find some good advice.

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:34 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • When we are intimate I do enjoy it and I am into it, but getting me mentally ready is very difficult.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:35 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Sometimes it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, you know. You've got a pattern of not mentally wanting to get into it... so you will continue to have that pattern. Anticipation seems to be turning you off.

    Some spontaneity might help... you say you enjoy it when you are intimate.... so tell your husband to surprise you more and romance you more and DON'T schedule it at all.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:45 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I'm sorry, Hun. They have some overthecounter stuff that you can rub on your clit and even pills to help your sex drive. The stuff to rub on your clit is at the adult sex stores. Maybe do some research & look up herbs or something thats suppose to help increase your sexual desires!? Sometimes if you make yourself do something, you will get the desire to do it. If you aren't able to get wet, try using some water based lub. Just try to think about sex 24/7 that way you are into it when it starts to happen. That's why men are into it right away. they think about sex 24/7 LOL Try to think of things that turn you on. Wear some sexy outfits. I know just taking a pic of myself or sending a naughty text to my SO helps get me in the mood for later on. If you have to, start to masterbate before you guys start to do it. Take a shower alone first and start to masterbate - that'll help. Good Luck, Hun. Take Care.

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 3:51 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • after a few days of forcing myself to have sex with BF, i'm trying to rip his clothes off! lol but then a week later, my sex drive is back down to zero. lol

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 6:03 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • You can help yourself through vitamin and mineral therapy. The same vitamins and mineral building blocks that handle stress and mood also control sex drive and sexual response. Increasing food sources of zinc, magnesium, calcium, iron, all B vitamins including choline and inositol, arginine and Omega 3 and Omega 6 essential fatty acids along with reducing sodium and caffiene, and starting some form of stress management, such as meditiation, yoga or prayer, could seriously help over 4-8 weeks of increased intake. Food sources are preferred, as they are more bioavailable

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:01 AM on May. 10, 2011

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