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2 Bumps

I Feel Like We're Losing

My four-year old, Tristan, is going crazy, I swear he is. I have no other explanation for this crazy behavior of his, and my husband and I feel like we're losing this battle. He gets into so much trouble it's nearly impossible to remember the last good thing he's done.

Take this morning for example. I woke up to laghter early this morning and I went into the boys' room to investigate. Tristan was in his brother Tiernan's crib, tickling his feet. I didn't think much of it, but I should've gotten up. When Paul, my husband, went in to get them up...MARKER all over the walls along Tiernan's crib. The ONLY place Tristan could've gotten that marker is the kitchen and we have a gate in the hallway that we shut every night so he doesn't sneak into the living room/kitchen when everyone's sleeping. He can climb over the gate now, which is what he did. Then, later on, for the MILLIONTH time, he managed to get to the top rack in the closet and get the baby powder and now their room is WHITE. Then, he peed...on his bedroom floor, AGAIN.

Every single morning and every single night is the same thing. He's fairly good during the day in between, except for fighting, throwing things off our balcony (we live upstairs in a 2-story apartment building), somehow managing to sneak food into the bedroom to make a huge mess, torturing the cat, flushing things down the toilet and throwing his clean clothes all over his bedroom floor.

I can understand if he's frusterated or stressed out, because he has a speech delay of some kind (we're seeing his pediatrician Thursday) and it's hard for him to convey his emotions and thoughts through words. We try our best to listen to him and be patient, but what is with him and this behavior!?

We've tried everything as far as punishment goes. Time-outs, spanking, taking things and privilages away...nothing works. Right now, his room is completely void of toys and he's sitting on his bed and I can hear him bitching and moaning about being me being a jerk so I know he's at least mad. I just did that because I'm at a total loss with this kid!

Tristan acts like he doesn't understand what we're telling him when we try to explain why he's in trouble. BUT! When I catch him with something he's not supposed to have, or doing something he's not supposed to be doing, he tries to hide the evidence! That's clearly a sign that he understands, isn't it? I mean, I like to think that I'm somewhat intelligent, but right now, in this situation, maybe I am being stupid, or just seeing osmething that I want to see, or...I don't even freakin' know!

What's going on here?! I feel like I'm never going to clear this hurdle with my son and I depserately want to. Or I want to at least know that I'm not the only mother who gave birth to a demon. :( A cute demon, which makes it all the worse.

Answer Question

Asked by dazzychica at 4:07 PM on May. 9, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • my son is even worse than that. He gets therapy. The therapist hasn't said either way yet but it appears he wants more attention. I have other responsibilities and children but is give him attention ALL day, never leave him unattended so he can color or climb, he wont. He will still throw fits, scream, ect but if he is not alone to do some bad things, he can't. Since we are in the beginning stages of therapy that's all I've got, sorry.

    Answer by GirlWithANikon at 4:11 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Talk to your doctor!!!!!! Sometimes it is so hard to figure out if actions like this are a behavioral issue or a developmental delay issue. If the doc tells you that he believes it is a stage, then you can start disciplining...but make sure there is nothing else wrong first. Good Luck hon.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 4:13 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Ouch Mama.. I'm sorry.. Have you had him evaluated with Early Childhood at all along with the speech issues? What about a Child pyscologist?( however you spell it - sorry ) at this point I'd check in to other areas if his behavior is this destructive. I am so so sorry!

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:15 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Along with what you are already doing with the doctor since you are worried about speech delay and he clearly understands hide the evidence have you thought about trying to pick up some sign language? It might make it a little easier for the little one to express if you work together on it.

    Answer by LadyMitres at 4:26 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Well, Thursday, we're going to see his pediatrician about his speech delay, and I'm going to tell her about his behavior and all the routes we've taken up until now with him. He does have good days, though. There are days when I almost completely forget about the bad things, then he does a 180 on us. He's such a sweet little guy, too-very affectionate. He rubs my hair and my arms and cuddles with me on the couch. I always make sure to tell him when he's being a good, nice boy, too, so I don't get it. Hopefully Thursday will clear up at least a tiny bit of this fog, though.

    Comment by dazzychica (original poster) at 4:26 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I would definitely consider talking to your pediatrician about a behavioral therapist to see if there are any underlying reasons for his behavior.

    Answer by specialwingz at 4:27 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Sign language was actually just a passing thought not too long ago, but now that you bring it up, it does seem like a really good idea! I'll just hafta learn some so I can teach it to him. But, since we're seeing his doc, I'm going to stay as patient as I can with him.

    Comment by dazzychica (original poster) at 4:29 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Good luck and it's easy to lose the good days in the morass until you really think about it :)

    Answer by LadyMitres at 4:31 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • My dd is 14 months old and the sign language kinda deflects a few tantrums since she can express what she wants to do. The basics are easy to find online like emotion and everyday things like milk and juice kinda thing

    Answer by LadyMitres at 4:34 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Well, Tristan can tell us the simple things like when he's hungry, thirsty, or needs to use the bathroom, and we always address those things right away. It's just the more complex stuff that I think gets to him. He doesn't seem to understand the question "why?" which I find odd for a four year-old, and when we explain things to him, the message just doesn't seem to go through, or maybe it gets jumbled, or something? Also, when he tries to explain, it's in his way of saying things, so we can only pick out a few words.

    I feel like it's his speech that's the root of all of this, but I'm definitely open to all the possibilities at this point. X_X

    Comment by dazzychica (original poster) at 4:40 PM on May. 9, 2011

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