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How do you feel about a three year age difference in dating? My daughter is 16 and wants to date a boy who is 19

We have let her date, rule is we have to meet them first. She knew we wouldn't like the age difference so she had him come over before we knew about the age and then it was a very uncomfortable situation because we called her on it in front of him. I was more upset about how she handled it then the age and her step-father is more concerned about the age.

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Asked by tamara2065 at 4:39 PM on May. 9, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (37 Credits)
Answers (39)
  • My daughter's 15 & so far I've only ran into this once. I don't see to big a deal as long as he realizes that although he may be 19 & have different, more lenient rules, he's dating a 16 year old & will be expected to respect her rules, boundaries, curfews, etc.

    Answer by EgoTryptophan at 4:43 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • 19 year old boys are almost certainly experienced... If your dd isn't, it would certainly be a concern... 3 years isn't a LOT of difference, but he's grown, and she isn't...

    Answer by CeeCee333 at 4:43 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I wouldn't be concerned yet. I would take the time to get to know this boy first. Have him over a few times to get o know him. If he is really into your DD he will be willing to respect your wishes as far as dating goes. Trust me it is better to be accepting and cautious than to say 'no, never' She will figure out a way to see him anyway and then you will be completely int he dark. While 3 years looks like a big deal now it won't in about 2 years. Just use your best judgement.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:45 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I was 16 and dating a 20 year old. And we got married After almost 5 years together... I think, if he respects her, he will respect you too. So there should be no problem. If you are worried, don't stop her from dating, just set a little harder ground rules.... Group dates, family time, she will most likely date him regarless of your approval, so try your hardest to find some middle ground.

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 4:48 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I don't like the sounds of it. like AT ALL ! What are the chances of him never having sex before? What are the chances he is going to want to date your daugher for 2 years untill he can sleep with her?

    Answer by Gnomes at 4:48 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Yes I agree that at 19 they are experienced and of course more mature, I only met him briefly and I did point this out to him also. If I were to let her date him there would be rules for them. I told her they are at different points in their lives, she has two years of high school and he is in the police academy working on a career

    Comment by tamara2065 (original poster) at 4:50 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I have to disagree, at 19 they are not mature, my 17 yo daughter is way more mature and she would never date a 17 yo only because they act like immature kids, you have to realize it takes longer for boys to mature.......with that said...I personally think you would be able to tell if he was responsible or not. If he can talk to you without being stupid and he follows you r rules then why not. My daughters boyfriend is 21 and he knows what I expect, they are sexually active but before they were they both came to me. GL

    Answer by buttonlts at 4:54 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • That is how her step dad feels, he is very protective but ultimately says its my decision to let her see or not. I always dated older guys and I was not allowed to date at all until after I graduated but I did it anyway. I would rather know what she is doing and set some rules but I am still undecided.

    Comment by tamara2065 (original poster) at 4:54 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I meant he seemed more mature than her in the little bit of time I saw him

    Comment by tamara2065 (original poster) at 4:56 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Tell her she can see him but only at your house. That's how all my children "dated" and it worked out very, very well.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:15 PM on May. 9, 2011

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