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Daughter will not do homework unless (yes....she is bribing me)...please help!

Daughter who is 9 & in 3rd grade, refuses to do homework unless i sit down next to her & i guess....cheer her on or something. The thing is, this homework is SUPER easy...she is even allowed to use a calculator. If she put her mind to it, it would be done in 15 minutes. I gave her 30 minutes to complete it on her own...and she did not. When i went in to check on her, she just started balling...begging me to sit there with her while she does her homework. I always sit there with her when it's difficult...but this is super-duper easy...she doesn't need help at all.

Now, this has turned into a battle of will. She is refusing to do homework unless I sit with her. I told her she can sit in her bedroom all night if it takes that long for her to do her homework. She is really upset...and's beginning to tug at my heart...but i feel like i need to stick to my punishment & make her stay in there until it's done....

Was it wrong of me to not sit with her while she do her homework? I got laundry to fold & dinner to start....

what would you do?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on May. 9, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Sorry, I don't agree with those who say you should sit w/ her for 15 minutes. Part of doing homework is learning to work independently. It is intended to reinforce what was learned at school but alot of teachers also use it to see what the child got & didn't get.

    My son is the same age, same grade. I have him sit at the kitchen table to do homework while I start dinner, straighten up, whatever. We're working side by side, and then if he needs my help, I'm there to help him.

    Try having your daughter work in the kitchen and let her know you're there to help her if she needs you. Check over her work as she finishes each piece & praise her for doing it correctly. And talk to her about it. Explain that you have things you have to do around the house, and that you'll take care of some of your stuff while she works but that if she needs your help, you'll stop & help her.

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 7:17 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • What if she sits at the kitchen table while you are preparing dinner and starting laundry... a compromise of sorts?

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:46 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Bring her and her work to the kitchen table. that way she feels you are there, you do laundry and are able to prepare dinner all the while she can focus with your presence there. I know with our 9 yr old we couldnt dare allow her to go upstairs and complete her homework.. she would do everything from reorganizing her closet to her drawer to keep from doing hers...LOL

    Answer by kkbird at 4:47 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • My kids are grown. But, they all did their homework in the kitchen while I cooked dinner. That way, we were all "working" together. Nobody felt like they were "on their own". If they had a question, I was right there, near by. Even if it is easy-peasy, feeling like you're the ONLY one having to "work" can be daunting. Maybe try having her do homework where you are also doing something else, ie...folding laundry, washing dishes, cooking dinner, any number of things. My 8 yr old granddaughter just likes to have someone in the room with her while she's doing her homework. My daughter does the same thing I did. She cooks dinner while my DGD does her homework.

    Answer by specialwingz at 4:49 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Mine always do their homework at the kitchen table so I'm there if they need me, but usually they help each other out (4th and 5th grade)

    Answer by missanc at 4:58 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I have a dau the same age as yours & that is what I do too. I am nearby if she needs help, but otherwise, she will sit & do it. I also double check it before she leaves the table in case there are corrections to be made. Stick to your guns on this & everything else she will try to challenge you on. Tell her she is smart & knows how to do the work. Tell her you have your own "home work" to do, & will be close if she gets stuck & needs clarification. If it turns into something long & drawn out, then maybe make her a positive reinforcement chart. After a week or 2 of doing her work independently, she can earn a prize. Hang in there, summer will be here soon! GL :)

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:50 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • I would start taking things away. We just went through this a couple of minutes ago actually. My son tried to pitch a fit and play "lets make a deal" to do his homework and I calmly told him that if he didn't get his homework done he wouldn't be going to his friends house this weekend and he'd miss field day at school and if he wanted to cry like a baby over homework I can treat him like one and he'll stay in the house all summer.

    Answer by onemellowmom at 4:50 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Tell her that you will come help her if she needs help. But that she has to complete what she can first- by herself. And if she is really stuck then she can call for you or come find you.

    Answer by meandrphoto at 4:51 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • You can't take out 15 minutes of your busy day to give her the confidence to do her work? That is obviously her quality time with you. I wouldn't take that away from her. I'd look forward to those 15 min. Pretty soon she will be of the age that she doesn't want you around at all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • My daughter "insist" that she needs my help with math even though really she doesn't. She just feel insure about the work even when I know it's easy-pisy for her. Yes I would love if she just did it and I didn't have to hold her hand the whole time. However, I also know she isn't going to build the confidence she needs if I don't sit there and cheer her on. Of course I have a million and one other things I can be doing, but honestly the day move much more smoothly when I just sit there. She'll do several problems on her own, then will say I need help with this one. I walk her through it (asking her questions so she really is doing the work herself) and then she does a few more by herself, etc. Really agree with anonymous just take the 15 minutes and sit down next to her and get it done. In a few more years she won't want that time with you....

    Answer by SAHMinIL2 at 5:17 PM on May. 9, 2011