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Venting.....Irritaing family!!

I will try to make this short...
My parents and my inlaws both live within 15 min of us. My dd, 1st grade, just had her first play at school this past Sat morning at 9:00. My mom and sister both said they did not want to come, "It's too early to have to get up on a Sat." Whatever...
My MIL had to work that day, she sets her own hours. She said she would not come due to work. She NEVER goes in early, even when she has to work a weekend.
My dd was so upset that her grandparents did not want to come to her play. The school really makes a big deal out of plays, and it was her first one. My dh and I, of course, were there. And the play lasted less than an hour.
My mom and sister have not apologized for not coming. My MIL just called whining how she "really" wanted to, but she just couldn't...She worked until nearly 5 as it was...WOW!!!
I get so upset when I see my dd get upset because the grandparents lack of involvement in her life. My dh is pretty ticked off too.
I feel so much better now...Anyone else have these issues too???

 
AngieBry

Asked by AngieBry at 7:31 PM on May. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,355 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I'm sorry they treat you and your child that way. I personally don't have that problem. DH and I both grew up in large tight knit families, we were both raised to put family first. I actually have to set up a schedule on weekends just to get some time with my own kids because my folks and in laws will complain they don't see their grand kids enough during the week (they all live within an hour of us) so the volunteer to take the kids almost every weekend and a lot of the time my folks and in laws will alternate weekends but I finally demanded that I get at least one weekend a month with my own kids. My folks are like this with my sister's 3 kids and my brother's DS also. My in laws are also very active in the lives of their other grandchildren (all 19 of them)!
    anon1986East

    Answer by anon1986East at 10:34 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • you have every right to feel that way have you talked to them about about this it might make you feel better and it might also help things
    jmiljies

    Answer by jmiljies at 7:33 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Yes, my mother doesn't even know what grade my kid is in, what school she goes to, or any of her classes. My dad goes to 1 volleyball game a year. My SO's mom is dead.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 7:36 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • That is awful, my grandparents had to move away from us (had no choice, my grandpa's job was moved) and they would have LOVED to have gone to that stuff. We now live close again and if my DD (4) sneezes my grandparents got it on tape lol.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:17 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • i don't have these issues b/c our families live to far away to make it to a school play but i would if were you have your daughter tell them herself how much it hurt it may have more of a effect coming straight from her. And next time something comes up have your daughter ask them and maybe it wont be so easy for the to say no to her. I hope this helps
    amberpaiz

    Answer by amberpaiz at 7:36 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Yes, my MIL worships the ground my husband's niece walks on but, hasn't talked to my kids in 2 months. My parents are always around and my dad {an OTR truck driver} makes sure he is here for anything my children's school is doing.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 7:51 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Having my dd ask them to come to things does no good. They have no problem telling her no. Such a shame..And they all know how hurt she is....
    AngieBry

    Comment by AngieBry (original poster) at 8:13 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Maybe they're from a different generation (like my parents) where generally one parent was expected to attend these events, and only the important ones, and grandparents weren't expected?

    In that case, they might think it was normal and never expect that feelings would be hurt.

    I know that my mother went to many of my school/athletic events (probably most, honestly). My father never went to one, nor grandparents, friends of family, aunts, uncles, etc. And that was normal.

    Tracys2

    Answer by Tracys2 at 8:51 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • The next event they have at school don't invite them and when they ask why they weren't invited, just tell them, cuz last time you didn't make an effort not to come and I wouldn't be the one to tell your daughter they aren't coming, have them do it, put it back onto them and so you don't look like the bad guy....
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 9:35 PM on May. 9, 2011

  • Our children have grandparents who live about 12 minutes away, and they see them for maybe 6/8 of our children's birthdays each year. We do nothing else with them. I don't get it. I used to try to help my husband and ask if maybe he wanted to call them and talk or invite them over more, or something. When something significant would happen with us, like announcing a new baby, he didn't want to call and tell them. He actually didn't care if they heard it from other people. He said he just doesn't care and has never felt close to them, so I had to let it go. I'm very close with my family, so it is a very sad thing for me to see. He said he has always felt pushed away by them, and it no longer affects him. Some people just aren't into family very much, and we can't force them to be.
    MyGiftsFromGod

    Answer by MyGiftsFromGod at 10:19 PM on May. 9, 2011