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Question for anyone who has given a child up for adoption

i have two children, a four year old and a one year old. i love them to death but im starting to doubt my abilities as a mother. im thinking of signing my rights over to my ex but dont know if i can do it. im scared of the pain it will cause everyone. im not abusive and i make sure they have the essentials for survival. my problem with my parenting is that im really hard on the kids. also my house is trashed like beyond grossly trashed. i cant seem to clean it. i also have issues getting papers in when they need to be in. (like school papers for my 4 year old to start school in september) i dont know what to do. what made you give your child up for adoption? thanks ladies...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:04 AM on May. 10, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (13)
  • hugs

    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 2:05 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • You might call a parenting stress helpline. You just sound like you need some support & suggestions. Please consider the fact your children love you & are attached to you & know you as their mom. They need you more then you realize. Sure being a mom is hard work but you can do it. It will damage those kids more then you can imagine to be sent away from the only home they know & the only mom they know. Please consider this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • And I want to add, the reasons I gave up my child are NOT good enough reasons now years later when I look back. I was being weak & stupid. If I had to make a choice today instead with what I know about how it feels to lose your child, I would do EVERY THING humanly possible before I would give my baby away.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • i would still be a part of their lives... well they are only half siblings. the younger one is the one i would sign the rights over with. as it is right now, she spends 2 nights a week with her father and is with me the rest of the time. i feel like a much better mother on the days she is with her father. i would, of course, only do it on the condition i could have her every other weekend... but i dont know. i mean she loves her brother and he loves her... i dont want to screw them up and i want her to know how much i love her which is why im fighting so hard to keep her. i have two negative guardian ad litem reports and have been fighting so much to keep custody. my attorney thinks i will win but im wondering if thats really what i want. i dont know... HELP!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:26 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • my older child never sees or talks to anyone in his fathers family so i would keep all rights to him...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:27 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Ok what you are talking about isn't adoption in the usual sense. Having the other parent have custody & you have visitation rights is just a parental thing not an adoption thing. A dad doesnt adopt their own kid. In a "real" adoption, you give up even your right to see the child (unless the adoptive parents wish you to see them). Good luck on what you decide but really what you are talking about isn't adoption so you aren't going to get the answers you seek here exactly if you are asking women who gave up their child for adoption.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • You are describing the symptoms of ADD when you describe yourself. See a doctor. Try to get on ADD meds. They can help you keep yourself centered (not go off on the kids) and keep yourself organized (turn in papers on time and keep your house clean).

    In the meantime, invest in a good organizer, bring it with you everywhere and write everything down. Check it hourly so you don't miss anything. Make lists for yourself to help you get things done. When you go to pick up your house, write down a plan of how to do it - pick up the clothes first, then the trash, then the papers, then the toys ect.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:00 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • I hate to be the harsh one but I think i say what others think. Why not try anything in your power to get help rather then be so quick to turn them over to someone else? On the other hand i admire you realizing they need better care then you can give them, but can not even imagine, as a mother, how you can just toss them away? It's odd to me that someone can even think that way. I hate being away from my kids for even a night i cant imagine just giving them up??? Mine are 1 and 6 and they make my life worth living. Everything i do is for them. I just can't understand, if you knew you did not want to be a mom, why have a 2nd? It's sad. But I am glad you see you have a problem, and at least you care enough to do SOMETHING. Maybe seek help first? You may feel better if you got on the right track?? Good luck!
    JenzAmomOf2

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 9:00 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Hello Little Momma, I have a daughter that sounds just like you. She has two children a girl 7 and a boy 4. She is overwelmed and struggles daily to take care of them and all their needs. She screams half of the time and is not stable, she is 28 and has bio-polar 1 and I believe this is what has caused her feelings of being overwelmed. She recently had her daughter go live with her father a thousand miles from all of her family, But it was for her daughters best interest. I felt so quilty that I could not take my grand daughter, I am raising one of my grand children now after raising 3 of my own. Being a mother is one of the most trying and tiring jobs a person can have. I understand how you feel only because my daughter has explained to me in detail, some hard to take in about how she feels regarding her children.
    PRAY
    panky

    Answer by panky at 10:53 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Hi ,I am a birth mother and this is not the same at all.I would suggest before you do anything drastic ,even changing custody arrangements,you talk to a therapist.I agree you could possibly be ADD and/or need healthy ways to cope with stress.Trying this path of getting help for yourself could improve all of yalls lives.Take care!

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 11:41 AM on May. 10, 2011

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