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2 Bumps

Am I wrong?

I no longer speak to my mother. My mother and I have never had a good relationship at all. Shes always so angry about every little thing. She messed with my head a lot when I was living with her. Towards the end of me living with her, I left when I was 19, I lost over 4 pounds in 3 months because I was so stressed out. I worked almost full time, I went to college full time, and I was expected to be home to clean the house every day. My mother didn't do so much as lift a finger, just played around on facebook all day, and make a mess whenever she ate.

The last time I saw her, she was kicking my ass because I told her I wanted to take a break from school, and move out on my own. I had a job, which she claims I didn't get paid enough for. $12.50 an hour, I'd say that was pretty sweet. She wanted more money from me, and when I told I wanted to leave, she just went ballistic on me. I had bruises and my jaw hurt for a month. I left that night with the clothes on my back (19 at the time). She tells everyone I ran away, I say I moved out abruptly. I've never looked back. Since then, shes told all my family I'm a drug addict and I beat her up, and sent her to the hospital, no one believes her, because they all know her, and they know that I can't fight.

Its been a year and a half since I've seen her, she sends emails every now and then, telling me I'm a horrible person, and making me feel like shit. Recently I've been trying to communicate with her because I am pregnant. I send her pictures of the ultrasounds and tell her stuff thats going on with the pregnancy and stuff and she just has nothing nice to say. I got tired of it, and I wrote her an email stating that if she ever wants me to be in her life ever again, she better stop treating me the way she does, as it is now, I'm not letting her get near my child. She went off and said that shes embarrassed of me, and I'm going to be a horrible mother, and all kinds of mean things. I've been ignoring the emails now.

But now heres where my problem lies...she sent me an email easter weekend saying, she doesn't know why I'm so angry, and we need to get together, because its all about love and family, and she just wants to understand why I'm so mad at her.

It was a very nice email, I guess you could say...but really it was a pathetic plea.

She says to me the most mean and nasty things, and then the next week, she tells me she doesn't know why I'm so angry.

Am I wrong for keeping her out of my life? Am I wrong for not letting her near my child?

My older brothers don't speak to her anymore, for pretty much the same reason. Shes never even met my Nephew.

Is it wrong for me to really hate my mother? Does that make me a bad mom?

Answer Question

Asked by monstersmommy20 at 3:31 AM on May. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,781 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • grr...I lost over 40 pounds...not 4

    Comment by monstersmommy20 (original poster) at 3:38 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • No, some people are toxic and they never know it or they know it and they do not care. Your mom is like my mom oh poor me I am the victim .if your nineteen your allowed to leave. As far as the beating remember that when you think your going to get the warm fuzzies from her think about how your child deserves better. I think you are doing whats right for you and your unborn child she is toxic and unless she is going to get counseling and admit she is wrong I would let her go and move on

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 3:39 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Don't waste your time and sanity "hating" her, but I think it's perfectly understandable for you to cut someone so negative out of your life. She sounds like a huge source of stress and it would benefit your pregnancy avoid that situation altogether. This has no connection with how you will parent your child, that was an evil thing for her to say.

    Answer by Ashes0813 at 3:53 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • no hon you did the right thing!!!! Chances are if she hit you she would hit your child just to get back at you for something....I know you love her thought and thats totally sorry dear GL

    Answer by raeyliNlilysmom at 4:15 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Like your brothers, it sounds like you need to cut that connection. She sounds very toxic. It's sad that you won't ever get to have a relationship with her that is more stereotypical mother-daughter, but attempting to find that with this woman is (at best) a waste of your time. Stop focusing on how she wronged you. Focus instead on a new life without the person who was abusing you.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 6:27 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • that is really sad, it breaks my heart when i see how a Mother will treat thier child. I don't blame you at all, she sounds really mean. Just because she is your Mom doesn't mean you need to take that kind of abuse from her. You have a new life and i bet you will be a great Mom because you will never do the things to your child that she has done to you. you have learned from her mistakes as a Mother.
    I would email her back and tell her why you are so angry but i wouldn't go see her because if she likes to beat the crap out of you then you don't want her doing anything while your pregnant. you need to worry about yourself and the baby. Your brothers have cut her out for a reason. Good luck!!!

    Answer by jenn4443 at 6:36 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Cutting your connection is up to you. I actually went to counseling for similar issues with my mom. The counselor said that I could either accept the fact that my mother is like this and learn to deal with the emotions she causes, or I could cut her out of my life. She said that neither was the wrong choice, just a choice I had to make. So even if you decided to keep her out of your life, it IS ok for you to do so. But, I would suggest if you decide to try to keep her in your life that you see a counselor to teach you how to deal with her toxic behavior.

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:39 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • USE your power of will

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 7:44 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • I just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I had to cut my mom out of my life for about 3 years before she realized her lifestyle(drugs, alcohol, and bipolar disorder) was less important than knowing her grandkids and her daughter. I was prepared to never see her or talk to her again, for the sake of my sanity and my children. It does not make you a bad person or a bad mother to cut toxic people out of your life.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 8:18 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • I swear you're telling my story. Except that happened to me 10 years ago. It took me years of counseling and not speaking to my mother to get to the point where I could handle having a relationship with her. I had to learn to set boundaries in my relationships, because my mom certainly didn't teach me! Lol! I had to accept that my mom was not well. But the hardest thing I had to do was forgive her. From your letter, I would say you're not ready to do that yet. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's ok, and it's alot to ask! Keep your distance from her for now. You will never change her, so you need to be the one to change. That takes time and effort, not you letting her walk all over you again. You did the right thing standing up for yourself and getting out of that situation, so don't feel guilty about it. Do what's right for you and your baby.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 8:30 AM on May. 10, 2011

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