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Why do red flags always go up when my daughter is dating? How do you survive the boyfriend years?

With all 3 boys she has dated in high school, there have been red flags for my DH and I. First one was extremely controlling, whiny and a downright bummer. The next was totally opposite her, not real intelligent, dabbled in drugs. This one is another insecure, whiny, and manipulative boy, again worlds apart when it comes to academics, no outside activities, whose parents let them hang out in his room, upstairs on a couple of afternoons...thank god nothing serious happened as my daughter and I talked about it, but, then he broke up with her after we made it clear that that wouldn't be happening anymore. She was a complete wreck for 2 days until he asked for her back, said he felt bad. A few of her friends said don't take him back! Now my DH says they can visit more on our turf or out in public. But every other day one of them is pissed off with each other about the lack of texting communication or visiting, or some jealousy issue. She will grump around the house focusing on/distracted by the cell phone or FB. She's his 1st girlfriend, and will be 17 this summer, getting her license and a job (or volunteering if not), visiting applying to colleges, but why do these relationships seem so immature? Shouldn't they be getting more mature about relationships? Does that ever happen at this age?I don't see it! Just once we'd love to see her date someone who is busy, focused, motivated, somewhat well adjusted and responsible. How do you survive these years?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:33 AM on May. 10, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (19)
  • You survive, by monitoring, getting involved, being aware, and praying a lot. You will be ok mom.......
    older

    Answer by older at 7:35 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Teen dating is tough. I would just try to keep the lines of communciation open and helping her figure out what qualities are important to her.
    SherriPie

    Answer by SherriPie at 7:37 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • don't you remember what it was like, I dated a few boys my parents didn't like and I ones that they did. I think the key is keeping the lines of communication open so she know she can come to you at any time. you will get through and hopefully in the end she will end up with someone that is perfect for her. We all have dreams for our children, but in the end it is their life and they have to live it. All we can do is guide them, listen to them, be there when they need us and hope in the end they make the right choices.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:41 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • The relationships seem so immature because they are. I have a teen son who has dated quite a bit and "mature" is definitely NOT the word I would use (for either the boy or the girl) when it came to his relationships. Teen dating is full of drama, what seems like nonsense to the rest of us, but very real to the parties involved and it causes all sorts of friction that the teen themselves are not fully equipped to deal with.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:51 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • She has plenty of time to figure out he kind of boy who will make her happy! Right now it seems she is figuring out what *doesn't* make her happy lol
    Just be there for her, set the boundaries, and wait. One day she'll bring the right guy home
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 7:51 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Why do they seem so immature? Because shes a teenager dating other teenagers and teenagers are non adults and immature. You will survive. Dating in high school is about learning how to date, it is not about meeting the one and getting married in 99% of cases. I remember my dd thinking she would spend her life with her first love and our OB/GYN and me laughing and saying can you imagine being with the first crush you ever had now? She will learn through all these mistakes and find someone who is worthy of her love in time. Just keep your head up. It does get better.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:54 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Well, you have to look at how she is defining herself and who she has available to her. I would assume that when she is in college she will find a guy who is more your taste. She will be around mature and intelligent guys there. I think you guys should explain your concerns to her. Im sure she is just attracted to the bad boy thing without realizing it and her boyfriends will be more mature the more what she wants changes.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 8:07 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • just keep on controlling the situation. You'll feel better knowing what is going on and she will understand in the long run why you are doing it. Hopefully she will see your point of view on what types of boys she should be dating.
    daerca574

    Answer by daerca574 at 8:10 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • I think we need to remember that alot of times our moms didn't always like our boyfriends either.
    MommaKath1975

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 8:10 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • With a lot of prayer, and a constant knot in your stomach. And sorry to tell you, but it doesn't end when the teen years are over.
    elasmimi

    Answer by elasmimi at 8:21 AM on May. 10, 2011

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