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How can I help my 10 yr old son through a rough time ????

My son is having problems. He is normally a very funny, outgoing child but he is hurting. My husband & I recently seperated. We share 50/50 custody. Lately my son has been not turning in his homework & not being open about his assignments. When I go to look over his work he tells me that it's already done or it's not due for awhile. He gets grounded if the teacher reports back to us that he has not turned something in and he knows there are consequences. His dad & I agree that school has to come first & he needs to turn in his work. If I punish him & he doesn't get his way he crys & throws a fit & says he wants to go back to his dads. He also says there is nothing for him to do at "my" house but watch tv. This child doesn't play with toys. I'm concerned & not sure what to do. How can I help him? I just want him to be a happy, responsible young man. Any suggestions? First on the homework & then toys i could try

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jamie678

Asked by jamie678 at 12:23 PM on Dec. 5, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (9)


  • Homework will never be fun....for any child!!! They will find a way around it, beside it, under it, over it....anything but through it....stay consistant, my children's homework is posted on the internet so it makes it easy to check. Talk with his teachers, have a signature form....make it his responsibility, he needs to write his homework down, then his teacher needs to sign it showing it is correct, then you make him do the work, sign it again, and he shows it to his teacher...he will soon learn that you and his teacher are working together, and believe it or not, kids figure it out, and he will start doing his homework.

    As for toys, I think until he starts doing his homework that should be the last thing on the list!!! Let him know you can talk toys when he starts doing things correctly...and that you will not reward bad behavior!!!!
    heavens1stlight

    Answer by heavens1stlight at 4:38 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • If this has just started after the seperation, it may just be a cry for more attention. If this has been an issue for longer....you may want to see if the school has a tutor program. You can not give him a choice about the homework....make charts, set goal and rewards. Maybe even look into getting him involved with some after school activities that he may like(let him kow his work needs to be done or he can't participate) My 7 year old hates school and school work. He also knows that I will not allow him to do ANYTHING unless the work is done. He sat that the table one night till about 9:30pm. I told him he could not get up to pee if that work wasn't done. We still fight every night....but it gets done!
    how_reb

    Answer by how_reb at 5:53 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • My son is 11 and I have come to the conclusion that boys this age are totally unorganized and too carefree about assignments and homework. This problem began last year with my son. No only does he forget to write the assignments down, but he also forgets to bring the correct books home to complete the assignments. I didn't know what to think when this started last year so I set out to look at other private schools (all boys schools). That's when I learned that this problem is normal for their age group. Some of the schools I looked at have separate classes for the boys to help them get organized. This may not all be attributed to your recent separation.
    diginity

    Answer by diginity at 8:47 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • I'd take him to talk to a professional about the separation.
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 12:17 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • He is probably having a hard time not only with the seperation and homework but there is something else that I "sadly" have discovered with my 10 yr old son. Apparently, THIS IS THE AGE OF CHANGE!!! Yikes!! I work at my sons school and I noticed that he suddenly began lying about homework, crying about how difficult it was etc. I was so dumbfounded at this sudden change and his teacher said there is something about 4th grade that makes them rebel, try to find a click or perhaps not fit into one. If it gets worse or stays the same, have him talk to the school psychologist. They are not on site all day but every district has one and it is free.
    Gigi1969

    Answer by Gigi1969 at 1:50 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • I feel for your son because when I was his age my parents separated too and I went into silent mode. Feeling like I couldn't trust anyone with my feelings and I bottled it all up. My parents tried counseling and the only thing that I came away with was the idea to keep a journal about my feelings. Thankfully my parents got back together after a year of separation, but the damage had been done. His feelings should come first because that is the root of the problem here. Find a solution to help calm the storm that is raging inside him. I don't suggest counseling for everyone, but you and your husband need to sit down together with him and have a talk.
    bamamommy

    Answer by bamamommy at 10:27 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • Does he have learning disabilities? Maybe something in his homework is hard and he trying every reason to get out of it.
    MarGeee

    Answer by MarGeee at 4:13 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • I would suggest taking him to a counselor (one who specializes in children of divorce) Divorce is a very hard thing for kids to deal with and he's not going to open up to you or your husband because he probably doesn't even know what's bothering him. A counselor is able to get him to realize what the problem is and then help him deal with it.
    MrsHart6

    Answer by MrsHart6 at 9:24 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • HOMEWORK ALLWAY SHOULD COME FIRST! BUT HAVE YOU TRYIED TO MAKE IT FUN FOR HIM TO DO IT? I'VE BEEN SEPERATED TWICE AND I'VE FOUND COUNSOLING A GOOD THING FOR ME. IF THE CHILD DOESNT WANT TO GO DONT MAKE HIM. YOU TRY IT OUT . THEY GIVE YOU LOTES OF IDEAS THAT HELP! GIVE IT A TRY REALLY.... IF IT HAS HELPED ME . IT CAN HELP ENYBODY! I'VE BEEN THROW ALOTE. AT LEAST IT SOUNDS LIKE THE FATHER IS TRYING TO HELP . THAT'S AWESOME!!!!!!!! AS FOR TOY'S MY SAYING TO THAT IS , YOU CAN'T BUY HIS LOVE!!!!!! I'VE SEEN IT . IT DOESNT WORK. MAYBE FOR THE TIME BEING . BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE HE NEEDS SOME LEARNING TOY'S . TRY THAT OUT. JANINEHOTMAMA
    Janinehotmama

    Answer by Janinehotmama at 2:45 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

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