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Visitation modificiation is this reasonable?

I have court with my sons biological father this coming week. I filed a motion for visitation modification asking the court to reduce his visitation to twice a month, my reasoning for this is because he has every tuesday but never shows up. The fact that he doesn't show up why should he have every tuesday when he comes probably 10-15 times a year to see our son. Also I asked for a reduce in time he originally has 11am-4pm. The few times that he does decide to come my son comes back hungry because bio dad doesn't feed him. Also bio dad lets him sleep during his visitation so when he does have visitation when he comes back he doesn't go to sleep at night and the next day he has pre-school at 9am and he cannot get up because his bio dad let him take a long nap, so it is also interfering with his schooling. I also wrote in the motion that when bio dad shows consistancy with showing up then I would be more than happy to have him take him more hours. I am not sure if I am being reasonable. I think I am but whats everyone else's opinion.

Answer Question

Asked by jerseyshorefan at 8:48 AM on May. 10, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (52 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I guess I don't see the point in modifying it. What's the outcome that you want? I would leave it open to him and when your son asks why he doesn't come, then you can say "I never stopped him. He just chose not to. You'll have to ask him."

    Answer by SleepyCupcake at 8:50 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • It will depend on the judge more than opinions here. There two kinds of judges. One will say why modify if he doesnt show up? Keep the days and when he shows up he visits, and when he doesnt no harm done. The same sort of judge will tell you to deal with the after math of the visits (not wanting to wake up etc). Same judge will ask you and dad to coparent better and communicate.

    Then you might have a judge who agrees with you and tells dad he can have every other weekend like most parents do, and to be more consistent. It really all comes down to the judge.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:52 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Have you discussed your grievances with him already and warned him that you will ask for visitation modification if he doesn't start showing up, feeding his son enough and not letting him oversleep? I think what you're asking for is fair as long as you have given him the opportunity to change his behaviour.

    Answer by Nonoluna at 8:52 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Bio dad doesn't want him on weekends because he doesn't want him over nights. He's the one that needs to parent better not me. I keep my son accessible to him at all times. He comes once every 5 months. I think for the days in preschool he misses he should have to reinburse me when he misses it. Because even if son does not attend the school still charges me for that day.

    Comment by jerseyshorefan (original poster) at 8:54 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • I don't think its unreasonable but i also agree with sleepycupcake when he doesn't show up bio dad will never be able to say its because you took him back to court to prevent it. But if your son is not being fed than yea definitely shorten the visit but chances are bio dad might be up for that even without court making it that way seems like he'd be fine without the extra responsibility. You can even make it sound like you're doing him a favor, i.e "hey i'll come pick up ___ early and give him dinner unless you were planning to" that way its in his head GIVE MY KID DINNER sad that he might need the reminder but if it works then hey its for the best. GL

    Answer by Genice6 at 9:03 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • unfornately people parent in different ways. what i would do is get a note from the dr stating that his nutrition is being hindered by those visits with his dad. if its only once a month i wouldn;t worry so much about that. but maybe pack something for him or like the other poster says to go pick him up earlier. and leave the tuesday open considering he doesn't come anyways. the oversleeping thing they might just say its his differnt parenting style. unless you can get a letter stating it from the school that it interferes with his ability to learn because he is sleepy. the more people that can back up your claim the better. good luck

    Answer by lambdarose at 9:13 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Feed him lunch before he goes. Give him a bag lunch to take with him. Feed him as soon as he gets home. If he is more than 30 minutes late, leave. You need to be the good guy. Why limit what is not happening. It sounds more like a punishment than what is best for the child. Sorry.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:28 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • I can see where it would be extremely aggravating for you to HAVE to be there and make your child accessible, and PLAN for him to take him...then he doesn't show up. If the judge doesn't agree with that, I would ask that he put in some sort of order that he has to call the day before the visitation if he wants to come. That way you wouldn't get your son's heart set on going with a father who isn't going to even bother to show up once a week, nor would you have to change your plans to accommodate a visitation that isn't even going to happen.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:02 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Unfortunetly I could not offer to pick him up earlier. His bio dad was issued to be the transport both ways because its 60 minutes each way. He is the one who relocated. Also I don't drive or have a car. And yes I have discussed my grivences with him. And he just says oh its too bad. Personally if hes not going to respect my wishes then he should get his visitation reduced. Why let your child sleep when you only have them a couple hrs a week wouldn't you want to spend time with them? Also I can get a note from his school because he misses wednesdays. And I still have to pay for that day. I have no problem keeping him home on wednesdays as long as he reinburses me because preschool is not cheap.

    Comment by jerseyshorefan (original poster) at 10:05 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • My son definatly doesn't get his heart set on seeing his dad. My son doesn't even know who his dad is because he is so inconsistent. I have tried to bend over backwards to make him accessible. I go to the drop off location every time he has visitation and I wait, because he doesn't give me notice. And it bugs me because I am wasting my time.

    Comment by jerseyshorefan (original poster) at 10:07 AM on May. 10, 2011

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