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What to do now?

A couple months ago, I briefly talked to another man. Talked--that is it. There was nothing more. No sex, no emotions, etc. I called it off after a few days, but I didn't tell my husband about it. I felt horrible about it in general, and just because I did it behind his back.

Anyway, my husband found out after looking at the call log (I was not hiding it from him) and I almost feel relieved with it off my conscience but now there is a huge break of trust. We are working through it... But I just feel awful.

Over the past year, there have been THREE separate times when I found him talking to other women (and lied about it). Just like in my situation, as far as I know, it was just talking. But with one, the intention was there to meet up and have a 'date' (dinner, skating... and then who knows). I was mad for a short period of time, but I guess now I feel like he is treating me harshly. I deserve it I know... I'm not denying it or taking away from his feelings, but I guess I don't understand how he can literally have to convince himself to stay. I never once (even after the three incidents) had to talk myself into staying with him. My husband even talked to the guy who also confirmed we just talked. 

Please no snarky comments... I just want some words of encouragement. Anyone worked through anything similar or worse? Anything is appreciated.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:50 AM on May. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • My experience is that the ones making the biggest issue (like your husband) are the ones hiding something. If all he did was talk to these women and nothing happened then why does he suspect or have a hard time accepting that is all you did? THAT is the question I would be asking myself. I would also be asking myself why did I want to talk to another man? Why is he talking to other women? There is something more going on in your relationship and it might be time for marital counseling or a serious talk about if you plan to be together forever.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:52 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Maybe now that the shoe is on the other foot he's having a hard time. The best thing is just to keep talking with him and maybe try some counseling.
    I hope you work it out
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 9:57 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • I would remind him that HE hooked up with THREE gals and had made a 'date' with one, and all you did was talk to ONE guy--briefly. I would also remind him that you stayed with him each time. I admit I would be mad about him being upset with me when he did far worse to me and I would say something like "now you know how i felt when you did it to me THREE different times. Hurts doesn't it?" I think that if both of you do want to keep the marriage then marriage counseling would be a must, that way you have a 'safe' place where you both can be open and honest with each other and find ways to repair your marriage and go on. Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:02 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • I was engaged many years ago to a guy that was a total player. Everyone but me seemed to know. How I didn't, I still do not know. He used to make huge deals about me talking to guys that I worked with and being good friends with one of his friends. I never did anything wrong towards him or our relationship. He seemed overly jealous. A coworker once told me that he is the one with the bad conscience and trying to put it off on me. How right she was!!! It just took me a lot of time to realize it. Trust is a huge importance in a relationship. You need to get your hubby to come clean, if he is hiding something from you. If your marriage is worth saving, you two need to focus on the two of you and not starting outside relationships with the opposite sex. Also, try counceling, it may help. Good luck!!
    AngieBry

    Answer by AngieBry at 10:03 AM on May. 10, 2011

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