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3 Bumps

Confidence Torched, What Now Part II adult content

I posted a question yesterday about surprising my husband with a sexy striptease only to have him dissolve in helpless laughter, crushing what little self-confidence I managed to scrape together to do such a thing in the first place. I ended up crying for two hours and sleeping in the guest room.


I got up early yesterday morning, so I could get out of the house early and wouldn't have to face him.  He called me several times during the day, but I didn't answer.  I knew that I would eventually have to go home and look him in the eye, but I sure considered just running away to join the circus instead.  When I got home, DH was waiting for me.  He'd retrieved the torn-up lingerie and shoes from the trash and they were laid out on the coffee table.  "We should talk," said he, "I am really REALLY sorry, I know I hurt your feelings terribly but let me explain myself at least and try and make it up to you somehow."  I said okay.   He continued:


"I'm going to need to be honest here.  This stuff (he indicated the lingerie)...well, it's just not you.  And the dancing... I know you tried, but it just wasn't sexy, Sweetie.  But I was wrong to laugh, even though I couldn't help it I was absolutely wrong.  I love you, I'm so sorry, what can I do to make it up to you?"


I remembered what those who answered my question had suggested, that it would have been smarter to find out what he really does like, so I said "You can make it up to me by telling me what you would have liked, and being more vocal in general about what you like and what you don't, so I'm not left to wildly speculate and end up making a fool of myself again!"


He thought for a minute.  "I really don't know how to answer that question.  I like YOU, I like our allegedly-boring predictable sex life, so you can stop worrying about that."


I told him that I wasn't worried really, but rather I just wanted to be perceived as sexier, to WOW him a bit.


He looked at the floor.  "Baby...Now I mean this in the kindest, most loving way possible, but you aren't 'sexy'.  You're funny, which I find attractive, and you're super-smart, which I also find attractive, and of course I love and adore you so of course you're attractive to me.  But there isn't an outfit you can put on or makeup or perfume you could use or anything you could do that would magically make you sexy.  So you can stop trying and just be yourself."


So, I guess I got my answer. 

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on May. 10, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Sweeetie..

    Whether he realizes or not ( or whether or not you do as well) he told you exactly what is sexy about you. YOU.That's it.You are not one of the Victoria's Secret run way models looking sexy as hell in a special bra/panties/lingerie etc. He has told you what he loves and what attracts him to you. Your sense of humor is sexy, your logic and intellect are sexy.See what I mean.I had answered your question yesterday however it was a late answer so I'm not sure if you saw it or not. One of the main points I made in that answer was what your husband is telling you in his own way as well.. Being yourself, doing what YOU feel comfortable with, what you enjoy, IS sexy.When someone is doing something they aren't comfortable doing/wearing..etc it comes off awkward, not sexy. Your husband told you what IS sexy about you, what he finds attractive. It may not be what we as women think is "Sexy", but it's what he likes about YOU.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 6:19 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • Sounds like a man ALL women need and look for!!!! :)
    buttonlts

    Answer by buttonlts at 10:15 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • I will still play dress up for him, maybe dress up as an lawyer since he thinks your smart or a clown since he thinks your funny, he may get a kick out of that, since he doesn't like lingerie
    ttk2

    Answer by ttk2 at 10:17 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Very nice. Very open. Very reassuring. Congratulations!
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 10:13 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • Don't get me wrong, I appreciate his directness and honesty, and I thanked him for both the apology and the information. But I find that I feel very empty at this point, and still a bit sad.

    Who wants to hear that they're not sexy and never can be? I mean, on the one hand, it sure does make life easier to take "trying to be sexy" out of the equation. But on the other hand, doesn't EVERY woman want to feel sexy sometimes? And right now, I feel foolish for all the times I thought I looked sexy--my wedding day, all the times I've performed (I'm a musician and spoken-word artist), date nights. I suppose what does not kill us makes us stronger, right? I guess I'll get over this soon enough...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:43 AM on May. 10, 2011

  • OK REALLY HE TOLD YOU THAT YOUR NOT SEXY ANYTHING ELSE FROM THAT POINT WOULD HAVE BEEN WAWAWA TO ME SCREW HIM YOU ARE SEXY YOU ARE A WOMAN SO WORK IT GIRL AND STRUT YOUR STUFF AND TO ALL THAT ARE SAYING AWW AT LEAST HES HONEST YOU ARE FULL OF IT IF YOU WENT TO EXTREAMS TO PLEASE YOUR MAN AND HE LAUGHED AT YOU AND TOLD YOU SOME SHIT LIKE THAT YOU WOULD BE ANGRY OR CRYING ME I WOULDA THREW A SHOE OR THE CLOSEST THING I COULD FIND AND TOLD HIM TO JACK OFF IM KEEPIN IT REAL GIRLS. OH THAT MAKES ME MAD WE DO ALL KINDS OF STUFF TO PLEASE OUR MEN.............AND AGAIN YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT U LOOK LIKE
    rinamomof2

    Answer by rinamomof2 at 12:59 PM on May. 10, 2011

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