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2 Bumps

I'm not happy but he takes such good care of us. what would you do?

i have an amazing husband. he really is everything i think a woman would want. the only thing thats lacking is FUN. he works too much. everytime i confront him about it and tell him how down i am about things he says he is too tired to do anything, too tired for sex, too tired for WHATEVER...and he is sorry he is so busy trying to keep a roof over our heads. my dh likes nice things. he has to have the latest, greastest of everything. new everything. i don't want any of that. i just want his time. i'm tired of him working to pay some crap that we never get any use of. all i want is family time. is that too much to ask for? How do i make him see? i've already told him all this

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on May. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I think it is time to sit him down and have a talk with him. Tell him he is a hard worker, a great provider, and it is nice that he can buy the family things... BUT the family does not need to always have the latest and greatest stuff, the family really needs HIM! Let him know that the greatest gift he can give his wife and kids is the gift of spending time with them, or doing things as a family -- like set aside certain days ahead of time as "family fun days" where you all go and do something as a family. It can be something as simple as playing board games together, or doing pizza and movie night, or maybe taking a day and going to an amusement park, or zoo.
    I hope your husband will see that his family does need him, and that he will make an effort to change and give all of you his time and attention.
    Good luck!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:16 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • That's a tough one. You can't change other people, only yourself. So here's my idea... Have fun without him. Invite your friends. Include your kids. Do it at the house, while he's there. Really have a good time. Laugh, loudly. Make sure he hears it, and knows he's welcome to join you guys. Play board games, cards, have a BBQ, fly a kite, slip-n-slide, tag, hide n seek, whatever! If he still won't join in than I have to ask what is he so involved in otherwise? Have you tried getting involved in his interests? I'm not sure what else you could do so I will give you a bump. Unfortunately this may just be who he is and you will have to decide whether or not you can take it.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 12:22 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • I would actually schedule his fun-time. Schedule family events, to the hour.

    Your husband sounds like the kind of person who needs to stick to a life schedule and plan ahead. That is what makes him so successful. So, you may not be able to say, Hey, let's do this right now," and have him "be there". He may not be able to disengage form his internal schedule right away.

    So, pick an activity, and a time, and put it on the calendar. That way, he will be able to plan for it and wrap up any projects that he will need to mentally put aside in order to enjoy himself.

    My husband and I are the same, but opposit of you guys . . . my husband is the spontaneous one, and I am the planner.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 12:25 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • he is interested in work. i have invited people over and it is invading on his privacy..(his tv time.) he wont say a word at the time but his attitude says it all after company leaves
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:25 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • imaginationmama. you are exactly right about that. the thing is..i can't FORCE him to enjoy himself. anytime i do schedule something he is so worried about getting back to work or resting before work. He can't enjoy the moment because he is too worried about tomorrow
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:27 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • Just some perspective . . .if your husband were more spontaneous, it is likely that your workload would increase significantly. My husband is great, but i am the one who has to do all the housework, prepare meals, manage accounts, buy houses, arrange loans, negotiate pricing, read the fine print, stay on top of bills, insurance, major repairs, oil changes, packing for outings, feeding kids, putting kids to bed, keeping in touch with his family and my family, plan holidays, budgeting, etc. I have to do these things because he is not enough of a planner to stay regimented. He is a genius, but not a planner. So, when we have fun, it is really fun, but I have tons of work on my plate, and always will.

    There is always a downside to every strength. It is a gift that your husband stays on top of things.

    Hugs.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 12:49 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • Hang in there. If he's really sorry he can at least give up one day a month to focus solely on the family. That can be a start and work from there. Make sure it's the best day ever so he'll want more of that family time!
    Ttcbabyclegg

    Answer by Ttcbabyclegg at 4:18 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • You have to decide what's more important..your happiness, or having a stable home for your children with a dh who works hard and supports you. I do understand though, that happiness is very important and that having nice things isn't nearly as important.
    Kaybean

    Answer by Kaybean at 5:46 PM on May. 10, 2011

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