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Would you let an ex step mom see your kids ages 3 and 6?

my stepmom is coming in to see her own kids who my dad has custody of because she said she just couldnt be around and needed space and moved out of state! ages of those kids are 6 and 11! she hasnt seen them in 9 months! before this she had a tendecy to be here one day and gone the next (in a rrelationship with my dad) and i was always having to explain to my kids ages 6 and 3 where she was and where she went! in the past 9 months me and my family have moved in with my dad to help him raise his kids! my dad is allowing her to stay here while visiting(which i totally dis agree with) which means my kids will be here! i dont want to confuse my kids once again and have made arragnments to stay with the in laws while she is here! my dad is mad at me and says i am being wrong! REALLY? i'm looking out for my kids being confused for they just now started asking where she was and why she was not here! do you think i am wrong for saying NO! ?

 
cortneydmorris

Asked by cortneydmorris at 2:05 PM on May. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (298 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • No way would I let her see mine. No way would I stay there while she is there. your Dad is being ridiculous.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:08 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • I don't see how it is confusing for them if you just explain it. Even at 3 and 6 I am sure they have noticed that your sibling's mom isn't around. And I am sure that once they come back after her visit, the other kids will talk to them about how their mom was here, and you'll have to explain it to them any way. They are your kids and if you don't want them around this woman, that's your choice, but just be aware that you'll still have to end up talking to them about this.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:21 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • Even if your dad does not agree with you, he should respect that as a parent you are doing what you feel is best for your children. You could try telling him that with your kids gone step-mom can focus on and spend time with her kids, and yours won't be a distraction or in the way.
    As for would I let her see my kids.... I guess that would depend on if I liked her and how well we got along.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:31 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • I would let her visit. You haven't said why you don't want her around your kids. The only reason I can discern is that you are upset at how she has treated your father. Obviously he is ok with it or has forgiven her. If your kids like her and have fun with her than why not let them hang out? Most relatives come in and out of kids lives if they are out of state like mine. It does no harm to the children. Just because a kid asks 'where is so and so' doesn't mean they're hurt about it. I understand your loyalty to your dad, but if he's ok with it than you're just being overprotective.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 3:58 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • I think ur doing the right thing as a mom. when it comes to step parents Ive learned alot for just growing up in a step parent life. I have a 13 yr old daughter that lives with her step parent along with her dad. i still get to see my daughter but I think that my daughter and her step mom have a bond. I love my daughter very much as i do with all of my kids. I am a step parent of a 16 yr old son.
    benzmom22

    Answer by benzmom22 at 2:10 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • I think you should let her see them. Tell them she's visiting for a short period of time.
    Helen2004

    Answer by Helen2004 at 2:32 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • I understand what you are saying. I hate people who are inconsistant in the roles they want to play in my kids lives as well. And yes, I have limited contact with people for that reason. Once I was able to alter the role they play (no longer Nana, but just PawPaw's friend) it wasn't so bad because there were no longer expectations for a relationship and my DD handled it much better. Do what's right for your children, but whatever decision you make, you'll have to explain things to your kids because the other kids will talk about the visit.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 3:06 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • Why would you have to explain to your children why she wasn't there. They would have been 2 & 5 then and they couldn't have cared less. They are busy being little kids. Do you explain why the mailman comes and goes? No. Quit being dramatic. The woman visits. Either be gone when she visits or not but don't over dramatize. Little kids accept things as they are without explanation.It's adults that hurt kids with stories of unnecessary explanations. When they grow up they won't remember her not being there but they will remember how you act and things you said about it. Just let it go. The woman is finding herself. She might hurt a child worse if she stays so don't judge her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 PM on May. 10, 2011