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what would you do?

So my boyfriend is a very insensitive person, the type that shows no emotion even when he does have some. I on the other hand cry over everything! haha. I am very emotional. I feel at many times he could give a crap less how he makes me feel. We have talked time and time again about him becoming a little more sensitive for my sake and me becoming less senstive for his sake. I have quit showing much emotion at all. If I feel I need to cry I tell him I am going to the gas station really fast or leave so he doesn't see it. He on the other hand is the same! Any advice on how to help him fix it? Or do you think he never will??? I dont' want him to like cry on my shoulder after a hard day, just be more sensitive to me when I have things to say or have had a bad day!

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Dec. 5, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • My opinion, for what it's worth, is that neither of you should have to do a radical change. You should not have to bottle up your emotions. Your boyfriend should not have to make himself show emotion. But when you cry, he should be there to tell you it will be all right, or to hug you, or hold your hand. Just as you should sit by him or hug him when you know that he must be hurting inside.

    Answer by Bmat at 1:22 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Any advice on how to help him fix it?

    Um, no. You can't fix another person. And judging by his behavior, he doesn't think he's "broken".

    Maybe he's not the guy for you?


    Answer by Wimsey at 1:32 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • I didn't say "fix him" help him fix his problem that he ADMITS he has is what I ment.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • People show the type of emotion they were brought up around. If he grew up in a home where they showed little to no emotion he will too show little to no emotion. You can't change that, unfortuantely. Just try to be understanding that it is not his fault and he needs to understand that you being emotional isn't your fault.

    Answer by JClapp at 1:43 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Wow this is me and my DH to a tee. I am super sensitive and cry at the drop of a hat and he is the ice king at times. We try what you suggested but I do way better than he does. Maybe some counseling..or just for yourself...figure out why some of us are super sensitive like we are because it really sucks lol

    Answer by salexander at 2:26 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Why is that people ask questions then get defensive?

    Look - I'm not the one that has to leave the house to show emotion. If I'm mad, I yell. If I'm happy, I sing (badly). If I'm frustrated, I growl. Do I try to act like an adult? Sure! Does my DH's example of moderate behavior and relative optomism help me wnat to be a better person? Sure!

    All I'm saying is that in your post, you said you are changing your behavior and he is not changing his. That, to me, says he doesn't think he's broken. I'm sure that at work, he is capable of change and growth when his boss says "do this" or "do that". So if it was important to him, he'd do it. Or try more. Or in some way indicate to you that he is capable of providing the emotional strength and support you need.

    Answer by Wimsey at 2:57 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Wimsey...sorry I didn't mean to come off as defensive I was just explaining. I totally get your point, and it has given me alot to think about. I have made several changes for him and get nothing in return. Maybe it just isn't going to work and I need to accept his insensitive ass or get mine out!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • I learned that HOPING someone will change or at least see the err of their ways meant the relationship wasn't going to be a healthy one. Sure, it may last for many years, but it won't be as fulfilling as being with someone who is more in line with your personality. Of course it also depends on which habits are the deal breakers in the relationship and which ones are "tolerable." If the intolerable behaviors are causing strife, and making you to rethink your relationship, then, I feel they are important for YOU, and the only way you'll be happy is if you find someone who truly embodies the kind of characteristics and behaviors that complement you. We get many shots at love, but only one life--and everyone deserves to have a "happily ever after!"

    Answer by LoriKeet at 4:14 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • LoriKeet - that answer is perfect....

    See - that happily ever after part - THAT'S what I wanted to say.

    Anon - you deserve it, everyone does. And when you get it, hang on tight!

    Answer by Wimsey at 4:35 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • i must say , it wont never change i just came out of a 13 year marrage and your bf sounds just like my ex , you will be the one doing all the changing not him . it's sad . i wish you luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

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