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3 Bumps

My fiance and I have been raising his daughter from a past relationship since she was a baby. She is now 4. She has a half brother (7 yrs) at her mom's house who's father is deceased The boy has been asking to spend time with my fiance. My fiance is considering this as a good idea . I worry this kid will want my fiance to be his Dad and get too emotionally attatched. I also think the ex should be making these boundaries clear

My fiances ex ended the relationship right after she had the baby. I have been co-parenting with him since she was 4 months old. My finaces ex has not had a relationship since they broke up and seems to encourage her son's attachment to my finace.

 
meeslee

Asked by meeslee at 6:57 PM on May. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Since he had a daughter with her after she'd had her son, I have to assume there must have been some sort of relationship between your fiance and the boy. Relationships aren't a legal issue - they can be, but mostly they're about the heart. My SO is not my children's father, but if we broke up, they have bonded so much that I would never dream of simply cutting him out of their lives. I would give him visitation just as I would/did their bio father. And my SO loves my boys enough that he would want to continue to be a part of their lives, even if he and I didn't work out.

    I think it says something very good about your fiance that he wants to do this. I wouldn't look at it as a bad thing. I'd take it as an indication that your fiance has a big heart and is very loving, and that is definitely a quality you want in the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:45 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • That's tough for me. Boundaries are good, but I feel bad for that little boy. His sister has something/someone he does not, and he's just asking for that too.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 7:06 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • What's wrong with that? It might do the child some good to have a relationship with him. Does it really matter if the child considers him a father figure?
    KyliesMom5

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 7:07 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • something I've been saying for years. when it comes to emotions there is no black and white.
    I think your fiance is a good man for wanting to let this child into his life and I think he should.
    Good for him.

    you can set out all the boundaries that you want, it won't stop a person from feeling what they are feeling.

    He doesn't have to take any legal responsibility. What's wrong with a child getting attached? What do you think will happen that is so bad if he does?

    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 7:09 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • I don't see it like that, I guess cause I was in a similar situation. My daughter's bio dad had 2 other girls (my daughter's half sisters) and she loves them! I've let them stay the night here and I let her stay with his now ex wife(Mother of the 2 sisters). They don't look at me like they're mother, just her mother! My son which is my daughter's half brother see's her sisters as his. Hope I didn't confuse you too much! Anyway, It's all in what your willing to accept, the children are the innocent ones! I wasn't ever jealous of the ex which helped, not saying you are but it helps if you don't have any problem with them. You could try it, see how it goes, doesn't mean it has to be all the time.

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 7:09 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • Sounds like you have a very good man. I think its commendable he is considering this, esp seeing his daughters brothers father is no longer living.

    I think when you take on a relationship like you have where your fiance already has a child you have to be willing to take on everything that comes along with it and often times that doesnt just mean the child. This is her brother, you can call it half brother if it makes you feel better but your daughter will probably grow up to just consider him her brother, does your fiances daughter also spend time in her mothers house with her brother?? I can see why he would want to spend time with your family as he doesnt have what his sister has, of course your fiance doesnt have obligation as the child is not his and the boys mother will have to lay down boundaries, however I think its awesome your fiance wants to do this for the little boy and also for his daughter.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 7:17 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • If it were my situation I would welcome him into your home once a month or so or if you are going somewhere as a family to lunch or the beach or something you could invite him to come for the day and then take him home, I also would ask the question would it be such a bad thing for your fiance to be a positive male role model in his life.....
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 7:22 PM on May. 10, 2011

  • The little girl should be able to bond with her brother. Surely you are not so insecure that you can't share him with a little kid.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • Its good you have a good man, and he wants to be there for the little boy and the mom is allowing the relationship. They obviously have some history as the boy is older than your fiance's daughter. The thing about being involved with people with kids is its not easy. Sometimes you have to put your personal feelings aside and realize their innocent kids caught in a bad situation. I would offer to invite the little boy when you take your fiance's daughter to little outings, birthday parties, chuck e. cheese, things like that. Be sure the son understands who you are and try to keep a open line of communication with him. If problems arise because of the mothers issues with you, just try to adjust, but never let her run your home.
    thelovelymzbre

    Answer by thelovelymzbre at 12:50 AM on May. 11, 2011

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