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How do I deal with my husband who thinks I defend one child over the other?

One child is biologically only mine and the other is both of ours. I am constantly told i favor the oldest more. I can't even say his name or i get rolling eyes or just not spoken to.

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adj444

Asked by adj444 at 1:07 AM on May. 11, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Wow how immature. I wouldn't tolerate it. The child is a victim of emotional neglect from a man who is supposed to be his father/ figure. He got married to you he got married to him lol in a sense. That's why I'm not with my daughters father anymore. My son has really been affected negatively by this type of behavior.
    SMITxsM2

    Answer by SMITxsM2 at 1:12 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • Sounds like your husband is the one with a problem. Maybe he needs to see a counselor.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 1:33 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • IT SEEMS TO ME YOURE HUSBHD IS JEALIUS OF THE NEW BABY YOU HAVE TOGETHER.HE MAY NOT KNOW IT BT HES STARTING A SYBLING RIVERAREY BEORE THEY CAAN GET OL ENOUUGH TO UNDERSTANDWHATS GOING ON WELLMY DADY LOVEES ME MORE BECAAUSE OU LOVE THE ORHER CHILD MORE.,YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN AND TALK TO YOURE HUSBANND ADN LLET IM KNOW HIS AATIONS ARE VERY CHILDIS AND IT HURTS YUO WHEN HE BELIEVES YOU HAVE ALREADY LOVED THIS CHILD UNCONDTIONALY EFORE THE BABY WAS BORN AND YOU STILL LOVE YOURE MARITALCHILD NO LESS WHAT MEN GGOTTO NDER STAND BABYS DO NEED ALOT OF ATTENTION THEY CAN NOT FEED THEMSELVES CHANGE THERE IAERS,AND THE MOST IMPORRTANNT THING OF ALL THE BABY S ALSO HIS, NOT JUST THE IOTHER CHILD THAT CAME INTO THE MARRIIAGE BUT THE ONE YOU BOTH CONCIVED WITH LOVE,AND NTHING WILL EVER MAKEYYOU LOVE OE CHILD MORE OR LESSSTHEN THEOTHER ONE:)
    mommysdream371

    Answer by mommysdream371 at 1:43 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • Perhaps you ARE over-compensating and simply don't realize it. Sometimes it takes an outsider to open our eyes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • I wouldnt even justify it with a response. Just make sure the kids know that you love them equally. That is what matters. I am sure you are a great parent. He is probably jealous about your one child and is being immature about it. Maybe a good solution would be letting him bond with that child more too. Help him realize that he is important to both kids, I think that is his real problem. It isnt really anything that you are doing wrong.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 8:43 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • First you really need to observe your behavior to see if it is true?

    I think it is only natural for him to be concerned about your biological child. I also think it is probably natural for him not to feel that close to your child. That doesn't mean that you don't need to do something about it. Perhaps you both sit down with a counselor and find out what his real fears are and what can be done about it. It is not good to have this dissension between you two, as I am sure the children are aware what is going on. Children can pick up most vibes in the house, even they go unspoken in the house.
    pls27

    Answer by pls27 at 9:38 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • I have to wonder if he isn't the pot calling the kettle black
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 10:41 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • Perhaps you ARE over-compensating and simply don't realize it. Sometimes it takes an outsider to open our eyes.

    Could be you both are doing this. Might be time to sit down together and discuss your parenting strategy and what you both can do to make sure you are not treating the kids differently. Blending a family is very difficult and you have to be willing ot work together and not get offended when your spouse tells you something you don't want to hear. You hash it out, find a solution and move on.
    chaiteamomma

    Answer by chaiteamomma at 11:36 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • If it were me I would start making mental notes of the incidents and see if hubby is right, do I make compensations for my oldest, do I tend to take his side, or is hubby just being a jerk about my oldest. Then once I felt I had the facts I would try to make changes... and be more fair to both of the kids. I also think that your hubby is WRONG to ignore you or eye roll whenever you mention your son's name, your hubby has to grow up and realize that you have TWO children, and your son is just as important and just as much a part of the family as the shared son. Maybe hubby is really the one with the issues, and feels a bit jealous of your other child, and feels that 'his' child should get more attention than yours.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:58 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • maybe you both should go to counseling together to work this out. Perhaps he is seeing something you don't, or perhaps you see his behavior and he doesn't. You need to try and see things from each-others point of view.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 1:23 PM on May. 11, 2011

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