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IS IT NORMAL FOR A MOTHER NOT TO FEEL NEEDED BY HER KIDS AFTER THEY BECOME PARENTS? if so what can the mother do to not feel so depressed?

DAUGHTER IS NOT AS CLOSE AS SHE USE TO BE NOW THAT SHE IS A MOM.WHY IS SHE PULLING AWAY FROM US.

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summie321

Asked by summie321 at 3:00 PM on Dec. 5, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • I have my own reasons for cutting ALL ties with my mother. How close was your relationship with her when she needed you? Was it an open and honest relationship, or was it a contentious stressful one like mine was?

    Granted, she could be trying to become her own person (guess that depends on how old she is...I was 33 when I cut ties with my mother nearly 7 years ago).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Are you trying to tell her how to be a Mom? Constantly "no, not like that, do it this way, when I had babies we... etc"
    Could be she wants to learn to be a Mom on her own, could be that she's having a mild case of ppd. Without knowing her, it's hard to say, but I'd just flat out ask why. Could be she's just exhausted all the time, busy with baby etc... could be hundreds of reasons.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:16 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Most people when they become grown and start their own family. Usually step back and don't see their own parents as much as they use to. They say they are to busy. With their own life and all.


    I say try to call your daughter regularly if possible.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:25 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • She may not know how to tell you to back off. I'm not saying your advice is out-of-date or unwanted, but new moms frequently feel that their moms (and MILs) are judging everything they do, criticizing everything they do, and they shut these people out of their lives since they feel uncomfortable telling them to stop giving advice.
    Remember SHE is the parent now. Yes, she will make mistakes and she will make decisions you do not agree with. So did you once upon a time and your kids survived. Tell her you are proud of her. Tell her the baby looks wonderful, healthy, and happy. Marvel at how much things have changed since she was a baby. But keep your advice to yourself unless asked and follow her wishes if you babysit.
    And remember, you did a great job raising her. If she doesn't need you now, it's because you did what you were supposed to do - raise her, love her, care for her, and let her go to find her own way.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 3:25 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Remember--you were supposed to be raising them to leave you. I always told myself I was raising future adults--not children. All are grown, mature, responsible, and financially able. I miss the little kids but I enjoy the new relationship with the grown adults. It is tough, it sucks, but it is what is supposed to happen. I am very close to all of my kids, but I realize I am no longer the center of their world--as much as I would like to be:-) It is about getting on with your own life now and be grateful you raised a child who can stand on her own. And then take a good look at the other suggestions above and make sure you aren't trying to "mother" her to death:-)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Naw- I think she is just feeling out the waters, and trying to get use to parenthood. It can be a bit overwhelming till you get more use to it, but once she has the hang of it all will be fine again! Take Care!
    BabyBeans0506

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 3:51 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

  • Because she has her own family and her own life now...might I suggest you get your own life as well now that you are not so busy tending to the needs of your child 24/7/365. Get re-aquainted with your hubby...travel...take a class...whatever. Just get your own life!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Dec. 5, 2008

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