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I'm in love with an ex..kinda long sorry.

I met my ex 8 or so years ago..we dated for 4-5 years..some rocky spots and decided to end it..instead of giving myself time to heal I hurried to relationships, after a couple I met my hubby and got engaged about a year later, and married about another 1 1/2 later..Once we got engaged my hubby completely changed, he went from being the sweetest best thing in my life, to controlling me, bossing me, ect..I tell him I'm sad, lonely ect and he never changes. He treats me like his maid. We had our first child 9 months ago and I've been a stay at home mom. I raise the kid pretty much myself besides financial support of course. He works, then comes home eats, and goes back outside or goes and does his own thing. He never NEVER wants to do anything with us. I've told him how I feel, I've cried, yelled, talked, and he still won't change..not sure what to do anymore. I've been in contact with my ex off and on the last 5 years, random text or fb messages, well about a couple months ago he texted me and said he had some things he wanted to get off his chest, anyways, he told me he still loved me, can't get over me, when he's w- other ppl he's thinking of me, ect lots more but to much to type..it got my brain a turning, and realizing that he is the love of my life and I want to be with him. I'm so scared to leave my hubby b/c he will probably yell and scream b/c he's emotionally abusive he yells/swears in front of baby. I'm done trying, and Idk how to tell him I want to leave. To scared..don't want to hurt him but it's just not working and my new motto is that life is to short to live it unhappy. I know I can't leave to be w-another man, but it's what's best for me and my child. We deserve happiness, and I don't want babe around yelling and fighting..My ? is do you think in the back of my mind--I'm leaving for my ex b/c I'm unhappy right now? Do you think I'm making a mistake? What would you do?? I'm so confused and stressed, I don't want to make a mistake and I suck at making decisions on my own, so used to always being told what to do..please help :(

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on May. 11, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • If you are going to leave, as you said, it can't be specifically for another man. If you are unhappy and truly believe that things will not improve with work and effort, then leave for yourself, but not for someone else. I think that would lead to disappointment and a possible "grass is always greener on the other side" scenario. It is easy to feel the butterflies over something fresh when someone is saying all the right things, but when you are day to day with someone over the course of time, some of that fades no matter who it is. I think you do need to consider what will be right for your child as well...and I don't mean "stay together for the child", but really evaluate whether visitations and parents not being together will be an honest improvement from having what you have now, and how the possibility of dating again, moving on, and having step or half siblings would contribute to your decision. Just don't be in a rush.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:08 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • If you do leave, don't tell him. just leave one day when you know you he's gone for a while. You don't need to give him detail. Just leave, file for divorce...& don't talk it out with him until he can be calm...or maybe you can do it in front of a mediator...that is the best way.

    Maybe leave him a note telling him that his lack of love & attention made you realize that you deserve better than him.

    Good luck!

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:28 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • Leave. If you've tried talking to him and he isn't up for counseling because you've tried that too then just leave. Your child doesn't need to grow up with someone talking like that to them too. Find a woman's shelter if there are no other options as to where to go. My dh was emotionally and verbally abusive half of our marriage and has gotten a lot better under certain circumstances. Good luck on your decision.
    sweetpea1217

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 11:28 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • i think though you shouldn't rush into a relationship with your ex, it is quite representative of the fact that you know there is something better. if you are not happy, don't wait. your 9 month old won't notice a break up as much as a 5 year old, just like he/she won't remember the yelling and your forced role now, but if you wait and let it continue your child will be very aware of your unhappiness no matter how much you try to hide it. my oldest son has said things to me about what he's observed and it makes me so sad to realize i can't hide my husband cruelty and lack of effort towards our family, no matter how much effort i try to compensate with.

    again, don't rush into a relationship, for the sake of you and your child, but you owe it to both of you to make life happy! good luck
    juliness

    Answer by juliness at 11:31 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • You just stated that you rushed into a relationship with your now husband, and now you have come to find it is a mistake. So why would you rush into another one? new or old, there is bound to be some withdrawls once you are in and then you would have wished u waited. My husband is the same way, I totally feel your pain, I just look at each day with a new beginning to the future. There will be a day when and if you are completly mentally physically and emotionally DONE, and god will create a new path for you.
    indysownlilbit

    Answer by indysownlilbit at 11:49 AM on May. 11, 2011

  • u might as well haul ass.. u no everybody jsut about stays with there SO bc of the kids.. I have never done that. when the shit was getting deep and things wasnt going right i got my stuff and left. If u do leave dont rush into the relationship with your ex. make sure he is true to his word.. do what is right for u.. make ur self happy and then u can make everyone else happy..
    1melmel1

    Answer by 1melmel1 at 12:05 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • If you're unhappy and tired of being verbally abused by your husband, then leave...you're making the right decision by leaving BUT leaving one man to be with another man will only cause more problems. Leave your abusive husband and set up foundation for you and your child.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:14 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • From direct personal experience, I whole-heartedly agree with sweetpea. Leave an abuser if he won't get help. There's only so much YOU can do and if he won't do his part, you can't fix it on your own.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 1:33 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • The only way to answer your question is to leave and be on your own for awhile. Tell your husband goodbye and tell your ex your not ready. Spend atleast a year out on your own discovering yourself. TAKE THE BABY with you.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 3:26 PM on May. 11, 2011

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