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My daughter wants a dad so bad.

What should I do my daughter is 5 and never been around her dad. I had a bf after I had her for a few yrs and she called him dad but he moved and now he's gone.. She is always asking guys if they will be her dad. What should I do or say to her?

Answer Question

Asked by takeyla23nc at 12:35 PM on May. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (39 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • That your family is complete just as it is. That her dad is just not going to be part of her life at this point and your family is perfectly ok just the way it is.

    Does your daughter have access to a grandfather?

    Answer by adnilm at 12:38 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Yes my dad she calls him daddy too. I tell her that's not her dad she only can have one even though he is not around.

    Comment by takeyla23nc (original poster) at 12:40 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Awwww! I can only imagine how hard that is for the both of you. My niece is going through the same thing. I say go with adnilm advice

    Answer by kyheavensmom at 12:50 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I will do that, I hate to even talk to a guy now because I know how she will be and I know how guys are here one day and gone the next. She had a father daughter day at the head start, they took pictures and she was showing me and said she wish she had a dad to come with her.. That's when I knew it bothered her for the first time. My dad is in his 50s and won't go out and do things like that. idk if he's lazy, old or dont like being around a lot of others.,

    Comment by takeyla23nc (original poster) at 12:54 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I know in the long run, it may not work out, but if all your daughter needs is a 'father figure' right now, then I would pick someone who is guaranteed to be there, like your own father, to be her stand-in. And she is old enough to explain that to right now. Tell her this is not your daddy, and I am not sure if your daddy will ever come back, but until Mommy finds someone to replace your daddy, you can call him "whatever you want him called" and he can go to any of the daddy daughter stuff or whatever in place of her dad. I dont know how that would work, but if she at least had someone there, someone that won't leave the next day and never come back, I think that would help a lot. I do not know who my father is, nor the man that was listed as my father on my birth certificate, but I grew up with my uncle and he was the best dad in the world, even when I just called him my uncle (in later years, I decided I would call him dad)

    Answer by AndreaW2kids at 2:17 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • this is the site to the big brothers/sisters program:
    I suggest you allow her to have a big brother, go to counseling, and allow her to visit her dad unless he is dangerous.
    I grew up with an abusive step dad, didn't know my dad & never felt like I had a real dad. this lead to BIG problems with me even as an adult. Girls need a dad not just a mom.

    Answer by maiahlynn at 2:51 PM on May. 11, 2011

    “Life Without Father: What Happens to the Children?” is Explored in Contexts, ASA’s Magazine
    Why do children raised without their fathers run serious risks? Sara McLanahan, Princeton University explores this issue in an article, “Life without Father: What Happens to the Children,” in Contexts, the newest journal of the American Sociological Association. Answering this question can help shape productive policies and perhaps quiet the culture war raging around single parenthood.
    Since the 1980s, a new consensus holds that, although most children of divorced parents do all right, growing up without a father increases the risk of numerous undesirable outcomes. For example, girls from father absent families are more likely to become sexually active at a younger age and to have a child outside of marriage. countinued

    Answer by maiahlynn at 4:03 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Boys who grow up without their fathers are more likely to have trouble finding (and keeping) a job in young adulthood. Research studies also indicate that the penalties associated with single parenthood appear to be more or less similar for children from all socioeconomic backgrounds.Whether or not these outcomes are caused by the divorce itself, as opposed to something else about the family, remains controversial. In sum, the evidence is mixed with respect to whether divorce causes children to have problems, or whether the problems associated with divorce are due to poor parenting or even poor genes. countined

    Answer by maiahlynn at 4:05 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • McLanahan concludes that three general factors account for the disadvantages associated with father absence: economic deprivation, poor parenting, and lack of social support. She also discusses social policy approaches that could help to reduce potential harm for father-absent children, such as making sure that policies do not discourage marriage, and insisting that fathers support their children even when they live elsewhere. Policies that strengthen fragile families (defined as unmarried parents who are raising a child together) also could have potential benefits for children in these unions.
    Complementing the McLanahan analysis of these issues is a photo essay by Dona Schwartz, School of Journalism and Mass Communications, University of Minnesota. coutinued

    Answer by maiahlynn at 4:06 PM on May. 11, 2011

    Do you think that girls who grow up without a father are more likely to be promiscuous when they are older
    by Cog wears an Invisible COAT for Spring on April 2nd, 2008
A Father who makes time to spend with his daughter helps build his daughter's self esteem.

When a daughter feels love and support from their father they generally have good relationships with the opposite sex. If this nurturing experienced was missed by the girl, she will seek out the love of other males to replace this experience. What she will most likely find though, is that she gives in too easy, eager to feel the warmth of their arms tightly around her. coutinued

    Answer by maiahlynn at 4:07 PM on May. 11, 2011

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